The sun rose red, burning and bright. There was a slight breeze, but not much. It actually felt cool today, a pleasant change.
Sango rose early, heading out to wash for the day. Everyone else was sleeping in; Miroku, Shippo, and Kagome. The first up had been Kaede, who had told them last night she would be up early to go check on the ill villagers. While most had come through ok, two were elderly and weren't fighting it off easily.
The Snowglobe was placed in Kaede's small sleeping room, where she could enjoy it, but it wasn't in the line of sight for the Kageri.
When Kagome and DarkWind had returned, later, Sango had been very worried. Both looked very subdued, quiet. DarkWind was obviously trying to cheer Kagome up, trying to cheer them all up, but it wasn't working very well. Something was obviously on Kagome's mind, and she turned in early. DarkWind occasionally left Sango and Miroku, saying he was doing something for Kagome, but would not say what, exactly.
Sango was worried about InuYasha.
He hadn't been seen all day, nor all evening, and it had been a new moon last night.
She was pretty sure he hadn't gone far - he had obviously made it this far without being devoured. He obviously knew how to lay low.
After she had washed, and was getting dressed again, she was startled by the appearance of DarkWind.
He surprised her by calling out to her before approaching, aware now of how she reacted if accidentally walked in on.
She quickly pulled on the rest of her clothing, and called back to him, telling him he could approach.
He walked from the forest, his face pale, "Forgive me for following you, Sango-Beauty, but I was not sure what to do with myself."
Sango looked at him, confused, "What do you mean?"
"Kagome is sleeping, as is Miroku-Monk and the child. I did not want to wake them, and I felt too nervous staying within the hut. I had hoped you would not mind some company?"
Sango looked at the Kageri, worried, "Nervous? Are you alright, DarkWind?"
He smiled faintly, trying to look fine, "Ah, yes, of course. Nushi is simply...going through some hard times now, and...I am not sure how to help her."
Subconsciously, DarkWind took his braid, and held it in both hands, lightly tugging on it as if testing rope, "You are certain I am not bothering you?"
"No, of course not. Not bothering me, I mean. Is...there anything you want to talk about, DarkWind? You look sort of...lost."
DarkWind blinked at her, startled, and then smiled, "You are most kind, Sango-Beauty. All of Nushi's friends are so kind to me. I am merely...undergoing...something new."
"New?" Sango sat on the riverside, and patted the ground for him to sit beside her.
DarkWind lowered himself to the ground, gazing into the river, "Sango-Beauty, when I was Broken...and Kagome re-claimed me as her Kageri..."
"Yes?"
"Something...happened...to me."
Sango studied his face. He seemed so pale, "Happened? What do you mean?"
He sighed, "This is the problem. It is so difficult to explain, because I do not understand it myself. It is so hard trying to put something into words when you yourself do not understand any of it. Let me see...as Kageri, I...I cannot do things without my master's permission. I can not attack someone, I cannot act on my own. I have told you this."
"Yes, that's right."
"Well...when I am awake, and have a master, it is as if...my...emotions are locked down as well. Under chains. Even my thoughts are taken from me. I exist only for my master. Do you understand what I am saying?"
"Your...emotions are locked down?"
He watched her, then spoke, "May I speak to you of your family?"
Sango blinked, then nodded.
The Kageri started to speak again, "Imagine if one day, you awoke, and could no longer remember very much of your family. Your father, or your brother. You have not forgotten them, but every time you started to think of them, you found yourself thinking about something else. As if...the thoughts of your family were suddenly coated in oil and you could not exactly grasp them with your mind."
Sango looked at him, agast, "That's terrible!"
"But because of this, you did not mourn them, or miss them. You are saved from this sadness."
"But you don't remember the wonderful things, either. The happiness you had with them. Memories." She fell silent for a moment, then spoke softly, "Remembering my father makes me sad, but it makes me happy at the same time. Because I remember him. The love I had for him. The happiness he gave me. I wouldn't trade that, not even to never have the sadness again."
"I agree. And that is what has happened. I have suddenly found myself able to think about things I have not, for a very long time." He looked down at his braid, and tugged it, "Last eve, something reminded me of the Crystal Spire, and the memories came to me. I remembered Mallaki, and...the grief crushed me."
"I'm so sorry, DarkWind."
He smiled faintly at her, "Thank you, Sango-Beauty. You are a good friend."
"Is that...I mean, is that why you left so quickly yesterday?"
DarkWind nodded, "Kagome followed me, and...I explained to her what has happened. She was happy for me. And she..."
The Kageri looked out over the river, his voice soft, "She held me as I wept. She actually allowed me my grief. She eased it, by being there."
Sango said nothing, but saw a great deal in his eyes. She started to get a bad feeling about it all.
DarkWind spoke again, "I am the luckiest of Kageri, in having Kagome as my master. She forgives so much."
"Well...she's like that. But is this what is new to you? Having feelings?"
"Having feelings while I have a master, yes. But I am worried, as well."
"About what?"
"If I have changed this much by being Broken, how else have I changed? Perhaps I have changed in a bad way, bad for Nushi."
Sango smiled, "Somehow I doubt that, but that's something we'll all have to wait and see, I guess."
She paused for a second, then spoke, ""DarkWind, did you and InuYasha have a fight that night? You've been different towards him. And Kagome is...like she was when they first fought. But I haven't seen him at all yesterday. He didn't come to Kaede's hut last night, and it was the new moon, too. I'm worried."
"InuYasha-Warrior was, indeed, human last eve. But he was safely hidden in the forest, high in a tree. That is where he spent the night, far up where no demons could find him."
"How do you know that?"
DarkWind looked at Sango, "Nushi asked that I find him, while remaining invisible. That I keep an eye on him, protect him, if need be. I checked on him, all night. Had he been under attack, I would have saved him."
Sango sighed, "She still loves him."
"She does. She finally admitted it to herself, Sango-Beauty, I felt as much. And the minute she heard the Priestess' name, she just...exploded. I can tell you, Kagome knows InuYasha would not go out with her wounded to find the Priestess. She is lashing out, wanting to just end it all. It is...how do you say...'hot potato'."
"What do you mean?"
"It was a knee-jerk reaction. She reacted badly once she heard Kikyo's name, and took it out on InuYasha-Warrior. She feels guilty, but cannot even apologise because she fears he will begin talking about his feelings again. She is feeling very...trapped. Trapped by all her emotions. Emotions regarding me, emotions regarding InuYasha-Warrior, emotions regarding the Priestess, emotions regarding her own ability to use the Shikon. She is drowning in so many emotions. I do not know how to help her."
"I wish I knew something as well," Sango said, and stood up. DarkWind rose as well, and followed her back.
Kagome had risen shortly after DarkWind left, and after mentally searching for him and finding him with Sango, she set about making breakfast. She had a sudden urge for oatmeal, for some reason, and set about boiling the water. She wasn't sure if anyone else wanted any or not, but she decided to make a big pot with honey and berries. Shippo, certainly, would eat seconds.
She lit a fire outside, not wanting to heat up the hut too much, and set up the camping grill, a metal grill that sits over the fire. She set the water to boiling, and started reading the directions on the back of the bag.
She had pretty much figured out to make it properly when a shadow fell over her.
Kagome looked up to see InuYasha standing there, looking down at her, anger on his face, arms crossed. He looked like he was more than ready to fight.
"And am I allowed to talk to you today?" he asked, his voice hard, "Do I have your permission to speak in your presence?"
"As long as you're not going to start trying to explain the events of the other night, or mention a certain priestess, certainly. Do you want some oatmeal for breakfast?"
Kagome hoped to put it behind her. If she remained calm, maybe she could apologise for how she had treated him yesterday...
"No, I don't want any of that crap for breakfast. And I sure as hell don't want to eat anything you've made."
"Well then, I think there's some fruit still in my bag," she said calmly, "Go see what you can find."
He glared at her. Why wasn't she angry? She was supposed to be angry! He had gone over everything he wanted to say, and it always included them probably screaming at each other. He'd actually feel better if she was still angry at him.
"I'm not hungry," he muttered, looking away. Now that he was here, everything he had planned on saying seemed to make no sense, and he had no idea what to do now.
"I think there's still some juice, unless you'd rather tea? There's some room there under the pot to boil water, if you wanted to wa-"
He crouched beside her, suddenly in her face, "I don't want oatmeal and I don't want tea! I want to talk to you, damnit!"
"Then talk," she started measuring out the oatmeal.
He grabbed her arm, "Look at me, damnit!"
The oatmeal went everywhere, mostly into the fire itself, "InuYasha, look what you did!"
"Will you look at me!?"
Sighing, she turned, and met his eyes, "What?"
"I want to explain what happened the other night."
Kagome held up a hand, "That's one of the two things I said no to. Either change the topic, or go away."
"Godsdamnit!"
She turned back to the oatmeal package, and tried to measure out some again.
"Do you honestly think," he hissed, "That I could go run off when you were lying in Kaede's hut after having an arrow cut out of you!? You think I could do that!?"
Unable to speak, she fought for a way to tell him. To tell him no, she knew he couldn't do that. But she had no idea how to start, and she looked back at the fire.
InuYasha misread it.
"That's it!"
InuYasha startled Kagome by suddenly grabbing her wrists and standing, yanking her to her feet. Before she could say anything, InuYasha had grabbed her, thrown her over his shoulder, and turned, running towards the forest.
"Put me down!" she shrieked in fury, "You jerk!"
"Not until I find someplace where you'll listen to me! I'm tired of all this, this stupid fighting! I'm not doing it anymore!"
"I'll 'sit' you! I swear I will!"
"Go ahead!" he yelled back, lunging up into a treetop, "You'll probably break your own leg when I go down, but I'll be fine!"
Hanging over his shoulder, looking at the world upside down, was scary enough, but suddenly seeing the ground dissapear out from in under his feet, freaked her out. She screamed, grabbing the back of InuYasha's haori for some purchase.
He landed somewhat roughly, on a thick branch, grabbing the trunk with one hand to steady himself, "Stop squirming, I'll drop you!"
"Go back down go back down go back down aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!"
"Stop screaming! My ears!"
"I'm going to kill you InuYasha, see if I don't!" she screamed, hanging upside down, "There won't be enough left of you to fill a teaspoon!"
Setting his feet, he grabbed her by the waist, and pulled, yanking her upright, setting her down on her feet. Her hair fell into her face, wild, her face bright red with the blood having rushed to it. She was suddenly dizzy. She grabbed his hands at her waist, "Let me go!" and tried to twist away.
"Stop it!" he yelled, grabbing her arm as she twisted away, "We're off the ground, where do you think you're going?"
She pushed her hair out of her face, "Anywhere but here!"
The tree they were in swayed alarmingly. InuYasha pushed her to the side until she was against the trunk of the tree. She wrapped her arms around it to steady herself.
"You're 20 feet up, stop jumping around," he said, exasperated.
"You take me down out of here right now!" she yelled.
InuYasha crossed his arms, "No. Not until we talk this out."
"You jerk!" she yelled at him, hugging the tree, "You big fat jerk!"
~Nushi!?~ ~DarkWind!~ ~What has happened!? You are upset!~ ~InuYasha's being a
~Do you need me?~
Kagome wanted to say yes. She wanted the Kageri to come and rescue her. She was angry and embarassed at the fact she had been picked up and carted off like a sack of rice. She wanted to be able to basically thumb her nose at him, showing him she wasn't defenseless, she had a Kageri to help her out.
But that wasn't dealing with the problem on her own. She wasn't a child, to scream to be rescued whenever something happened she didn't like. And it would be cruel to InuYasha.
~No.~ ~Nushi?~ ~I'll deal with it. Thank you.~ ~Yes, Nushi.~
Kagome glared daggers at the hanyou.
He watched her. This was better. He had expected an angry Kagome.
"Now listen to me."
"What choice do I have!?" she yelled, "I'm stuck in a tree!"
"Will you just shut up and let me talk!?"
"Fine."
InuYasha watched her for a second, then spoke.
"I met Kikyo around the time we found that village for the first time. The one with the hanyou."
Kagome said nothing, only glared.
"She asked me about DarkWind, and...I lied. I told her it was that one Naraku had."
"You expect me to believe that you lied to Kikyo."
"I did!"
"Why?"
"Because, I...I knew she would try to kill him. DarkWind. And I didn't want you and her at each other. When I saw her again, later, it slipped that he was bonded with you. But I told her, Kagome, to leave DarkWind alone. That as long as he was bonded with you, he was ok. I told her to leave him alone because I saw what happened when he was taken from you before, and I didn't want you to be like that again!"
"So you've met her twice now, in the forest."
"And came back to you!"
"You always came back to me," she said, angry, "After she pushed you away. But it really doesn't matter-"
"Stop saying that!" he yelled, suddenly moving to stand beside her, leaning over her, "I don't believe you anymore!"
Kagome blinked over her shoulder at him, "You don't believe me!?"
"No, I don't!"
"You...can't just decide I love you! That's not how it works!"
He spoke lowly, upset, but still angry, "You said it before, you said it a long time, but you were lying."
"I was not!"
"You let me hold you in that cave!" he said, "And you held me! At your house, when you woke from that nightmare! You put your arms around me!"
"I was frightened!"
"That night when I was going to Master Akira's-"
"I was worried about you!" Kagome yelled over her shoulder, clinging to the tree, "You're my friend and I was worried!"
"That wasn't the look of a friend, Kagome," he said, standing very close to her, voice low and intense, "I saw what was in your eyes...and it wasn't friendship. I know you have feelings for me. I know."
Kagome looked away, angry, "Are you going to put me on the ground, or what?"
He spoke, his voice still soft, "Not until you look me in the eye and tell me you only care about me as a friend. If you do that, I'll take you down."
She looked out over the forest. The sun was brilliant, and it highlighted the land below beautifully. Up here the air was more chilly than lower to the ground, and she shivered. She could see Kaede's hut up here, and the rest of the village. If she squinted, she could probably see Sango and DarkWind walking back from the river.
"Kagome."
She forced herself to speak calmly, "I'm not going through that again, InuYasha. I explained it all to you before. I'm not letting myself be walked on."
"Godsdamnit, I won't do that anymore!"
She looked back at him, glaring, "You've said that before! And you keep doing it! You can't help yourself, InuYasha! It's like you're addicted to her!"
Why are we doing this? she despaired, Why are we rehashing all this crap, over and over? Why can't we just stop?
"I could have stayed with her before, but I didn't! I always came back here, to you!"
"Why are you even doing this!?" Kagome suddenly yelled, "I'm giving you leave to go to her! I'm letting you go! 6 months ago you would have be grateful I wasn't putting pressure on you! You're supposed to be happy, you idiot!"
"Happy!? When you look at me and tell me you don't care about me?! Trying to push me off on someone else!? How is that supposed to make me happy!?"
"Because you're free now to be with her! You don't have to feel guilty anymore, torn anymore!"
InuYasha slapped a hand over his face, muttering, "Gods give me strength not to strangle her!"
"Now you listen to me."
InuYasha lowered his hand, and watched her, angry.
"I will accept what you say, when you say you didn't tell Kikyo about the white jade. I was angry, and I over reacted. I should have known that she would probably already know about using it."
"Good-"
"And I accept that you wouldn't have left with me hurt. That...that's not like you. I'm sorry. I was angry, and I wanted to lash out."
"I-"
"But," she interrupted him, "You tell her to leave him alone. She is not to touch DarkWind. You tell her to mind her own business! DarkWind is not going to hurt anyone, and he's not interested in the Shikon, but I will not allow her to hurt him!"
InuYasha blinked at her, shocked, "You...what?"
"You heard me! I don't care what she does, but she leaves him alone! You tell her if she tries that again she'll answer to me!"
"K-Kagome." InuYasha stared, shocked, and very uneasy. Kagome was threatening Kikyo?
Kagome looked at him, and grew angry, "Oh don't worry, I won't hurt her. But she'll need a new bow if she shoots it at DarkWind again, that's a promise!"
"You...you don't mean that." He spoke nervously.
She narrowed her eyes, "Oh yes I do. I mean it completely. I'm not having anyone hurt him! No one!"
InuYasha stared at her, then moved forward, taking her arm, "What are you saying? Why are you protecting him!?"
"What?! What kind of question is that?"
He looked at her, eyes wide, and tightened his grip, "Are you...do you have feelings for him?"
Kagome's face suddenly flushed, and she looked away, "You're asking stupid questions. Now take me down."
He leaned closer to her, bringing his face close to hers, facing the side of her face as she looked away. He was so close his nose almost touched her cheek, completely in her face, "He's leaving, Kagome. He's not staying, remember!? Why are you doing this? He's going to go back to wherever it is he came from!"
"You don't need to remind me," Kagome pulled her arm from his grasp, "Now are you taking me down or not?"
He watched her, growing more and more uneasy. She had never denied it. She hadn't denied having feelings for the Kageri.
"Kagome, tell me you don't-"
"This conversation is stupid, InuYasha, stop it. Whatever you thinking, stop."
Kagome let go of the tree trunk, and turned to him. She reached out, and for a second he thought she was going to embrace him. But instead she took his shoulders, and turned him, so he was facing away from her.
"Down. Now."
InuYasha said nothing, just crouched slightly, and she hopped up onto his back. Silently, he hopped down to the ground, and she slid off his back, heading back towards Kaede's hut, muttering about all her water having boiled away.
He watched her, silent.
She hadn't denied it.
