The Moment My Life Changed
Chapter 1
'It's funny now, looking back, how much my life spiralled out of control after that night. I wasn't the nicest girl before it happened, I was hardly what one would call 'innocent'. Yet somehow, I felt like some part of my innocence I still had left in me was taken from me with brutal force. I told no one what had happened, no one knew, and now, they never will.
I still remember it like it happened yesterday, the moment my life changed... forgood. It was a normal night, a night like any others... you'll see...
So there I was, Brooke Davis, party girl, Head Cheerleader of The Ravens basketball team, most popular girl in school. I was partying... as usual. Nathan Scott, Co-Captain of the basketball team, was throwing a party in the honor of the beginning of our senior year. Off course I was invited, I was always invited to every part that was ever thrown in Tree Hill. Besides, Nathan was one of my closest friends and I would have so kicked his ass if he hadn't invited me.
I was drinking, talking to random guys I hardly knew, dancing, looking HOT as hell in my strapless red dress I had designed. Yes, it's true, I had a lot to drink that night, but you could have hardly called me drunk. I still new my vocabulary, I could still walk in one straight line and I still knew who I could hit on and who was off limits. If I had been wasted, I wouldn't have known or been able to do any of those things.
I went to the bathroom to freshen up and when I got back, this guy, a guy I had never seen before, handed me a drink. I looked at him funny, I don't even remember what he looked like, but I do remember him smiling at me, assuring me that it was just a drink. So naive as I was, I took a sip... and another one... and another one... Soon, I had finished the drink and started to feel dizzy. I thought it was because I wasn't used to the type of alcohol in the drink...maybe.
I turned out, it wasn't the alcohol that was making me dizzy, it were the drugs in the drink that made me feel dizzy. I don't think it was your usual date rape drug, I remember too much for it to have been that. And I read on the internet that if it had been rohypnol or GHB or something like that, then there would have been short term memory loss, there wasn't.
I was never able to forget the feeling that drug gave me. For the first time in my life I felt free, free of all my insicurities, all the pain I had inside me no one knew about... I felt liberated... little did I know that feeling would soon go away forever...
The room, the people, everything in it started spinning around in my head. I felt nausseous, I needed to ly down. Mostly on touch, I managed to find the stairs and I slowly began to make my way up. When I finally reached the top, I walked into the first room I could find and laid myself down on the bed, ready for a good nights of sleep.
I never realized someone had followed me into the room untill he began to touch me, running his hands up and down my thighs. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't for some reason... for some reason, my eyes wanted me to stay in the dark.
I tried to move, it was no use, the drug had renderred me incapable of anything. "No." I sillently murmered. It did no good either, he wouldn't listen to a silent no, no matter how many I said.
I felt the warmth of my tears running down my cheeks, warming up my smooth skin. He didn't say anything, he just continued to satisfy himself, violating me in the process. I felt his hands touch my skin under my dress, taking my panties of. "No." I said yet again, even though I had long realized he would never listen to that, but it was my only hope. I couldn't scream, my throat was dry, my longues wouldn't co-operate.
As he began to take of my dress, my mind became even more jumbled. It felt as if I were floating in the air, but at the same time I had this feeling of being stuck... trapped. A feeling that wouldn't go away any time soon...
I felt him enter me, strip me of any self-respect or dignity I had left. It hurt, but I barely felt it, probably because of the drug or because I was simply numb. I don't quite know why, I'm just gratefull for that feeling of numbness I had back then, though it did me little good afterwards.
It's hard, to describe the feeling you have when you know your entire world is being beaten down and bruised beyond fixing. It's kind of an unreal feeling, as if you're stepping outside your body and mind and watching the things that are happening to you as if they're happening to someone else. That's how I felt, as if it wasn't me, but someone else. If only that had been true.
I don't know how long it took, how long he used me, how long he took murdering my soul. I don't know, it felt like eternity, but it was shorter, much shorter, I know. When he was finally ready, he put my dress back on, I found that strange, you rape someone but take the effort to re-dress them and put the blanket on them, so they're not exposed. Hmm, I never got that.
Just when I thought it was all over and I could finally dissapear completely, he whispered something in my ear. Something I would repeat in my mind over and over again many times after that. "The BEST fuck I ever had, SLUT..." What he said didn't bother me as much as how he said it.
He made it sound as if I had asked for it, had wanted it, had urged him on. He said it in such a way that would make me blame myself for the rest of my lifetime. I think, somewhere deep down, I realized that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't to blame for what happened to me. But I just didn't want to believe that.
My whole life, my father neglected me, and my mother told me what a useless whore I was and everything that would happen to me in the future would be my fault. I guess it stuck, 'cause when it was over, I did blame myself... every second... of every day...
I don't remember him leaving the room, the last thing I remember is feeling extremely filthy and ugly. Suddenly I must have passed out, because those feelings, are the last I remember of that night.
Before that night, I never believed people could changed, or be changed by one single event. I was wrong, I changed, I was never the same. I was someone else, the Brooke Davis everyone had known had dissapeared so fast you couldn't try and bring her back. I didn't feel re-born or lucky to at least be alive. I didn't feel much of anything... at first. I wished the feeling of emptyness and numbness would have stayed, they had come as a blessing the days after...'
TO BE CONTINUED
