I am not a vampire.

So, hopefully by the end of my tale you have decided to believe me, because no one else seems to.

I know that you probably didn't think I was going to tell you that, but all other people seem to think that of me. It isn't my fault I'm allergic to garlic, or have unusually pale skin. Just because you never see me Sunday morning doesn't make me a vampire. I don't have to be religious to be old fashioned.

Neither does my sharp canines or sensitivity to sunlight and silver. That's all genetics, not proof or facts.

Working the night shift doesn't count towards anything. Plenty of people do. Plenty of people will not get sick often, or ever, my immune system just happens to be extremely good at performing its job. Fast healing can be attributed to that sort of thing, can't it?

See, I'm really not a vampire. I've explained clearly haven't I? So why doesn't anyone seem to believe me?

That dead body lying next to me, I had nothing to do with it. I'm innocent, really! What are you doing with those restraints?

I am not a vampire.