Age: Teen
Disclaimer: I don't own any Nikita property and/or characters.
Spoiler Alert. Story doesn't correlate with actual episodes.
Set in season 1
Summary: Alex never knew she could fall for someone like Birkhoff.
Falling for you.
Left, right, left, right… My long legs ran on the treadmill. My ponytail hopped wildly as I jogged. My fists were balled and there was a frown on my delicate face.
I feel so empty without Thom. I feel so… lonely. I haven't communicated with Nikita in almost two weeks. The story about how she escaped was still being whispered in the hallways and cafeteria. People think Thom was the mole.
I feel so guilty. I didn't want it to end like this… with him in the ground and me the hero.
The Division agents were all very proud of me for stopping Nikita's mole and saw me as a future partner. I didn't like being congratulated for something I did wrong. For killing someone who was innocent. I felt like a monster.
"Well, if it isn't Division's new protégé!" I heard a sarcastic woman voice approach my location. I sighed and cursed under my breath. I really didn't have the patience for her right now.
"What do you want Jaden?" I asked.
"Me…want something from you? Please!" She arched her eyebrow when I, irritated, looked up to see her dark face.
"Good, 'cause you're not getting anything!" I said and slowed the treadmill down enough for me to get off.
"I wasn't planning on."
"Then why are you still in front of me?" I asked and I saw her eyes widen. I didn't mean that to come out that harsh.
'I came to say congrats. You stopped Nikita's mole. Oh no, wait. You didn't. You killed Thom and framed him." She growled. She looked like she was about to pounce on me and pull my hair out.
"Jaden, when are you going to stop being so… so… childishly paranoid? I mean, do you really care so much about ruining my life? Damn girl, get a hobby, you're so superficial!" I walked by her.
"I'm on to you, Alex!" She said loud. "I will prove that you're guilty!" She told me and I raised my eyebrows, rolled my eyes and walked away.
"Must be the drugs!" I laughed and I heard her tusk.
I stormed down to my room and slammed the door shut and threw my towel on my bed.
I fell down against the door and laid my head in my hands and sighed. I seldom thought about my life, but now was one of those times.
One of those times when you just ask yourself: "What am I doing here?" or "How'd I get here?"
I felt tears forming when my eye fell on the small CD-player on my desk.
The one Thom gave me a while back before I…
I shook my head, trying to get that terrifying memory out of my mind. I sat there for about half n hour, thinking about Nikita and Division and other mental barriers I have.
I felt the beads of sweat dry on my skin.
I heard footsteps. Somewhere in the hall, maybe. It came closer and closer to my bedroom door. It stopped and it was dead-silent until I heard three faint knocks on my door.
I didn't make an attempt to get up, not even thinking about answering.
"Alex? Are you in there?" I heard a voice. It sounded very familiar, but I'm not good in identifying voices.
"Nobody's home!" I shouted after about half a minute.
"Alex? Come on, open up!" I heard the voice again. This time, I knew who it was.
"Michael?" I stuttered. What was he of all people doing here.
"Duh! Who'd you think? Tho-?ˮ He quickly silenced himself. He knew I was having a hard time with that. He knew we were close.
"Sorry…" He said. I could barely hear his voice.
"What do you want, Michael?" I asked, trying to sound tough and dangerous.
"I… Birkhoff wanted to know how you were doing. We saw what happened with you and Jaden-ˮ
"Tell Birkhoff I'm fine!" I shouted, but my voice broke a little at the last few words, making it sound like I'm crying.
"Sure doesn't sound that way!" He said and I could almost hear the cocky smile plastered on his face.
"Michael, you're one step from being taken to the infirmary!" I shouted and I heard him step back from the door.
"Okay, well, since you're so spirited, I'll just be going!" I heard him turn and walk away.
I laid my head in my hands once again and slowly shook it. Why am I pushing everyone away?
I tasted a salty tear flowing over my lips.
I felt the walls closing in on me, crushing my personal space-bubble. I scratched the side of my face.
I looked up to the roof and let out a very loud yell.
"Ahhhhh!" I screamed to the roof and hugged my knees tighter to my body as I started crying. My whole body shook.
Through my hysterical sobs, I didn't hear someone running towards my bedroom door and harshly knocking.
"Alex, what's going on in there?" I heard someone shout. The knocking continued.
I cried harder. I can't take this anymore! I want out. I want to get out of Division and be free!
I was shocked back into reality when my door swung open and revealed a very angry Birkhoff on the other side.
His fists were balled and there was an expression on his face that scared the hell out of me.
"Alex, are you okay?" His expression softened as he saw my terrified figure rolled up into a ball.
I tried to speak. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, so I just gave him a tiny nod and wiped a tear away.
He walked into my room without hesitation and checked my bathroom if the room was clear before he pulled the chair from my desk in front of me and sat backwards in it, facing me. I didn't make eye contact as he stared down at me.
I just looked to my right at the wall, finding something interesting about the white paint.
A few times he cleared his throat, but I ignored it, pretending that I didn't hear it.
"So…are you going to tell me what this is all about?" He asked after ten minutes.
"What do you care anyway?" I asked and hugged my knees tighter to my body.
"Me? Care? Please!" He snorted.
I gave him a hurtful look and fixed my eyes on the previous piece of wall again. He sighed.
"Alex, if this still is about the whole Thom tragedy-ˮ He started.
"Don't!" I said.
"Alex, you have to move on-ˮ
"I said don't!" I shouted. "You don't know what it's like, Birkhoff! To kill the person you loved! I don't care what Division says about relationships, I loved Thom and I killed him! And he didn't do anything!" I shouted and started crying.
Birkhoff jumped up and sat beside me. I wiped my tears away to make room for more. I saw from the corner of my eye he was looking at me.
Out of pure instinct and nothing else, I leaned against him. I felt his sit up strait, discomfort radiating from his body.
"Um, Alex?" He asked and cleared his throat.
"I could really use hug right now." I said and wrapped my arms around his waist. He mumbled something to low for me to catch and I felt him, hesitantly, laid his hand on my back.
"It's going to be okay…" He said and I started crying again.
"No… it's not. I killed him… and he was innocent. He didn't ever do anything wrong. It's my fault. I killed an innocent guy!" I kept repeating through my sobs.
"Alex, he was Nikita's mole. Don't say he didn't do anything!" He told me but I only shook my head.
"No…he wasn't." I whispered. I felt Birkhoff remove his arm from my back and shift his pose.
"Alex, what's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"I… I am Nikita's mole…" I whispered and didn't try to make eye contact. He got up.
"I don't believe you. I honestly don't, Alex!" He got to his feet.
"Well, life's full of disappointments!" I said bluntly and sighed.
"I didn't want anyone to know, so… so I framed him. Made it look like he was her mole…" I took my chance and looked up to meet his shocked eyes.
"I…I…" He stuttered.
"I wouldn't be surprised if you'd run off to Amanda. Tell her that you found the real mole and take my place in the spotlight!" I got up to sit on my bed.
He just continued staring at me.
"I'm not going to tell her, you know!" He said and my eyes widened. He came to sit next to me on the edge of the bed.
"Why not? This is your chance! Birkhoff, Division's been treating you like crap. You're only good enough when you can locate someone or run tests. If you find the real mole, you'd be a hero!" I explained but his expression remained the same.
"And then they cancel you. Kill you." He said in monotone.
"My life is a mess. The only big event still to happen is death. At least one of us will live a happy life!" I whispered. I turned my head away from him.
"Alex, I'm not going to tell her. I'm not going to turn you in." He crossed his arms.
"I though you said you didn't care." I couldn't hide the smile spreading over my lips.
"I don't!" He protested immediately. "I just… Nikita meant a lot to me when she was here. It would crush her if I got you killed!" He said and got up.
"Birkhoff?" I said when he was almost out of the room.
He groaned. "Yes?"
"Thanks." I smiled at him. He sighed and walked out, leaving me alone, once again, in silence.
***So whatcha think? So, this is my second fic and I really love reviews, so please R&R! Thanks!***
