Characters: Jack, Ianto and mention of Gwen

Warnings: Angst, Character Death

Word Count: 1,352 words

Disclaimer: This is a fan fiction. I do not own the characters, BBC does. No profit was made from this fic.

Beta'd: Saiyan_Bride


Dear Jack,

When I was a child my parents made me go to a therapist. He told me a lot of things that made me believe he was talking out of his arse. But one of his suggestions was to write down what I'm thinking or feeling, that's why I keep a diary.

Another thing he suggested was that I write letters. So that's what I'm doing. I'm writing you a letter that I'm never going to send and that you're never going to read, just so I can get past this and start feeling something.

I hate you.

I hate that you can just up and leave without as much as a goodbye, after kissing me like that. And I'm angry that everyone is falling apart at the seams because you left and it won't stop until you come back or it's too late. I hate you for making me promise not to tell anyone about Flat Holm and leaving me to deal with it all by myself. I hate that you made me so dependent on you, without my noticing. I hate you because you made me believe that we had something more than a passing fling.

And I miss you.

I miss the way you are with Myfanwy when you think no-one is around. I don't miss the way that you try and help me with the putting away of files. You never could get a hang of the alphabet. I miss the way that you pretend to be asleep next to me. I even miss your crazy stories. I miss the way you smell. And most of all I miss the way that you hold me close.

Sometimes wish I could just swallow a pill and erase all my feelings, and my memories of you. But I'm not like you Jack, I'm not selfish enough to run away from my responsibilities no matter how much I wish I was.

But no matter how much I hate you or don't I wish you hadn't left. I wish you would come home.

Love,

Ianto