It was just a kiss. One that meant nothing to me. It was just a scene, it was just an act. Why then did I feel that fluttering in my stomach? Why then was I disappointed that it ended so quickly? Why? This is Jounouchi Katsuya I'm talking about. The mutt. A filthy mongrel not worth a second of my time. Why did he make my heart soar?
I had never expected such a thing. Never before have I come this close to another person, people have never been my prime interest, how was I to know if this was normal or not? Was I meant to feel this way? Is this how everyone feels? Or am I a special case?
People were beginning to stare. We had been watching each other for a while now. Could it be that he felt the butterflies too? Did he feel what I felt?
"And scene."
I rushed from the stage, escaping from the questioning gazes of our classmates. Of his friends, and of our teacher. I couldn't stand the attention I was getting. Not now, not while I was so confused.
The mutt trailed after me.
He seemed to be just as confused as I was.
I didn't stop until I was completely hidden from our audience, leaving them unable to judge, to question, to laugh.
I was shaking, my hands an uncontrollable mess. I stopped at the sound of his voice, his command, he wanted me to wait for him, whatever else he wanted from me, I wasn't sure I was prepared for.
I hadn't a clue as to what I was feeling. Anxiety pooled over me in waves, suffocating me slowly as I waited to hear his criticisms, his taunts, something, anything that would help me get over this one kiss.
Yet they never came, and I could still feel the rapid thrumming of my heart, like a drum, it wouldn't stop beating.
I couldn't look him in the eye. I felt far too weak for such a thing. I felt nauseas, dizzy even. I balanced myself on the railing which led off to a small staircase, tried not to collapse under the stimulus.
His words were soft, kind.
"Kaiba…"
He could see what state I was in, he must have felt some form of pity for me, unable to crush me and my emotions before they got out of control all because I could hardly stand.
"You, you feel it too?"
One of his hands reached down to hold my own, I evaded this, yanked my hand away from his own. He could see right through me. That kiss, that horribly wonderful kiss was doing terrifying things to my mind. I found myself wanting more, whether it be a brush of the hands, or another kiss.
My mind was betraying me. I couldn't allow it to do that. Never before had my mind gone against my own wishes, never before have I needed to contain myself with such determination. Never before have I had the need to worry about such things.
Yet Jounouchi, someone I've been at odds with from day one, made all of this so hard on me. He caused all of this just by a simple kiss.
I opened my mouth to speak but not a word came out. I flinched, how could I make such a fool of myself? How was he not laughing at me yet? How was any of this real?
I looked away from him, unable to look him in the eyes. My face was heated with embarrassment, a red flush crawling up my cheeks. We stood there for a few moments more, neither speaking nor moving.
"It's okay, you don't have to say it, I can tell."
With his words hanging in the air between us, he set hands on my hips, pulled himself closer, just as he had done moments before, right before we had kissed. The ending to this was just as predictable.
I could feel myself melting beneath his touch, shaking at the contact, unable to keep up with his movements.
I learned two things from this. One, stage kisses are nothing like the real things, and two, although it is made into such a big deal, it is near impossible to share a kiss with someone without opening our mouths.
His tongue was warm, left an odd feeling in my mouth. He tasted of hot chocolate, how that was, I didn't know. It wasn't even winter time.
His hands kept me in place, refused to let me pull away, not that I really wanted to. We were alone, no one had followed us, and it was best that way.
The butterflies returned, the fluttering of their wings within my stomach sent chills over my skin, left me feeling cold, more dependant on the warmth of my partner. I wanted to get closer, to bury myself in him, yet I knew that would not happen. This kiss would be a one time thing, I knew myself well. How could I keep up with such emotions in the long term?
We broke apart eventually. When we did, I made my decision to never speak of this again, to never think of this, to never again touch the mutt in such a way.
"You.., can call me Kats, okay?"
The mentioning of his first name, a privilege given to none of his friends.
Maybe I could try and deal with these emotions, if only for a little while.
