A/N
Any resemblance to real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.
Enjoy the story!
Jean
One month. This is how long I have been forced to live apart from Keland. For so long I had thought my life to be meaningless until I joined the gathering of the fuckboys and laid eyes on his pristine perfection. Initially, I could not comprehend why I felt so drawn to him, like every small piece of my essence, every fiber of my being, every cell of my body longed to be near him and share in his warmth. After time passed, however, I became familiar with my desires and embraced my feelings; The fact that I was madly in love with him.
Keland. How could I even attempt to describe him? Would I start with his tall, lean frame, or the vast oceans swirling in his deep, chocolate eyes? Would I talk about his low, buttery voice that hits the ear in a sound so thick and raw that even the heteros could be turned to the other side? Would I delve into his recklessness, and his attractively rebellious response to authority figures? How he lives by his own code and his alone, regardless of what powers attempt to restrain his passions? His own code excluding that of the elusive fuckboy clan.
The year of tenth grade, I officially became an initiate in this expeditiously expanding tribe I had begged entrance to for what seemed like millennia. My membership was sealed with my own blood thrown into the Chasm of Embers during the ever prominent Deez Nuts ritual, one of great sacred value practiced by various groups across the globe. I pledged my allegiance to the fuckboys and made covenant with our prophet, Aidan, to never abandon our principles. He took me in as his apprentice, and spoke to me all of the knowledge I needed to attain in order to rise up the ranks and earn my title. But now, I am a traitor. I have marred the sanctity of our uppermost law; No Homo Bro.
The summer seemed to drag on endlessly, each day passing by as another obstacle to hurtle without the inspiration of my love urging me forward. If only he felt the same... I think to myself, clenching the neon fabric of my Nike T shirt in the hope of crushing my heart into dust and eliminating my own sin. My chest aches in his absence, a cavity rotting away my insides and taking root in what should be the spot hosting joy. In the past weeks of separation, I had become familiar with the inky shadows and void that would surely swallow me.
He had departed for a month long family vacation in June, and my heart has never longed for a companion more than it does presently. Not even when filming my latest YouTube video could I force a smile to make it's way across my lips. The trek was too harsh for happiness, and at journey's end, all that remains of me is a husk, a skin I used to dwell inside of but now, an empty sack of flesh whose contents are nothing more than shattered longing and hope.
My ability simply to leave the bed has been impaired, yet the golden sunlight peering through my blinds urges me up and out as it stings at my skin, so long secured from God's rays. My sorrows consume me as I mindlessly walk outside onto the sidewalk, the sounds of children laughing and leaves drifting in the gentle breeze doing nothing to ease my conscience. Still I miss him.
Quickly, I brush off the still sounds of joy in the crisp summer air, the happiness of others merely grasping me by the ankles and thrusting me further down into oblivion. After only a short few seconds, my earbuds have been secured and Keland's mixtape is drowning my senses in his deep, alluring vibrato. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..." I mumble sorrowfully in futile attempt to mimick his tune, his melody, his talent. My passion is too unbridled to be contained, and after only a short few minutes, I am singing along as skillfully as I am able, my heart rate quickening and my chest bursting in the sweet sensation that is love. Before I know it, I arrive back at my porch, my spirit fully rejuvenated after such long days apart from him.
His music wasn't enough to appease my thirst, however. Instinctively, I reach for my phone from within the wide caverns of my pockets, unlocking it with the quick swipe of my thumb and opening the message app. For a split second, my phone lags, and my heart skips a beat. I need to talk to him again.
Jean: Hey boi, u gettin back today? 😜😜😜
Eagerly, I await his response. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days. I cannot stand the wait, my knees already threaten to buckle in anticipation. Desperately I want to type "I miss you" or even "I love you" if I ever were to be brave enough, but it defies our code, so I refrain. Showing blatant affection for another would only land me in punishment from Aidan himself, his questionable divinity giving him right to penalize all who commit crime under his domain.
Keland: yea bro, y u askin
My heart flutters and my eyes gleam with promise as my response is written out hastily by thumbs which appear to be separate from the control of my mind, excitement taking root in my joints and forcing words onto the screen.
Jean: its been awhile since we chilled bro wanna hang
Keland: yea man come over 👏👏
My eyes widen beyond their ordinary capacity. He wants me to... To come over?
Jean: ok lets watch some netflix and chill bro
Keland: yea bro see ya
I sigh with dreams laced in my voice, falling backwards onto my couch as I reread our short yet sweet conversation. I can just hear his voice now. Hey bro, how you been? My chest tingles and my lips finally do what they haven't been able to accomplish all June. I smile.
The Heatherwood apartments. Not entirely unsafe, but absolutely one of the most dangerous hotspots in Mill Creek. Cop cars have nowhere to go but here. Twilight kisses the sky in its iridescent purple and pink glow as I tread towards his apartment building. Outside, the weaboo calmly sips tea, and from a distance, I hear him. His soft voice echoes throughout the parking lot in a sound sweeter than nectar of honey; A voice that lulls me into a false sense of immortality, like I will never perish so long as this beautiful sound accompanies me through danger. He and his friends rap with one another in a competitive style, continuing though it is clear who has already won.
"Keland, bro!" I shout excitedly, dashing towards him on sight. Even from a distance, he is radiant. His figure is but a toned silhouette against the dim sky, his dark skin and plump lips beckoning me to draw myself in further; but I resist.
"Hey, man..." He replies cooly, leaning forward with his legs spread; a dick ritual practiced only by the highest ranking fuckboys. My heart flies and I keep myself from glancing farther south than his broad shoulders. "Sorry, gang, I gotta fly. My man Jean and I are gonna go watch some Netflix."
His comrades look skeptical of me, possibly because of my suburban build, or even my ethnicity, but allow Keland to depart with me trailing behind him in an almost worshipful fashion. From several feet away I hear the weaboo giggle and take another long sip of tea, eyes fixed intently on Keland and I as though we are hiding something. I glance over but quickly dismiss the thought of anybody save me being aware of my secret.
Keland closes the door behind us as we enter the small enclosure he calls home. In the front room is a large, glistening television mounted to the wall, commentators on the news channel delivering both stories and opinions at a low volume. He turns it up to fifteen and sits back on the couch, resuming his dick ritual and beckoning me to take my seat beside him. Blushing profusely, I smile and do so.
I try to imagine the night going the way it does in movies or online; The boy and girl take a needless amount of time picking a program that deep down, they both know will end up useless in the long run. Then, after about half an hour of anticipation, the tension is broken with romance. In my mind, this is what happens, but reality tells me otherwise.
After picking Family Guy and making our way to the fourth episode of the night, not a single word even hinting at romantic interest has been uttered save our gruesome commentary on the dog and his canine lover. Every now and then I steal a glance, seeing his bright smile and hearing his joyous laugh bringing me comfort beyond measure. It doesn't matter if I'm happy with the way tonight ends, only him. Keland is all that is important. I scold myself internally, wondering how in hell I had ever thought the night would go any differently.
Hours pass and I hear the sound of my mother's car horn from beyond the walls of the building. "It's been fun, man," I say, rising to my feet and briefly dusting off my shorts.
"Yeah, bro," He replies, smirking at me from his seat. "Let's hang more often."
I feel swarms of butterflies eating away at my insides, but outwardly, I show nothing. Fear of ridicule prevents me from pursuit of my love. "Yeah, sounds cool. See you."
Walking outside towards my mother's car, I'm unsure how to feel, but taking a final look at the weaboo confirms this uncomfortable sensation frothing in my stomach is negative. Face twisted in scorn and judgemental prejudice, I can see this is am negative. Even the weaboo knew I would fail.
