Draco huffed and puffed up the stairs leading to the Astronomy Tower. The journey was tiring and he had to regain his breath at the top. But all was worth it because his special someone was waiting for him.
As he braced himself to get the shock of his life, someone tapped the back of his shoulder. It was Hagrid!
"What the fk is a big fat ugly oaf like doing here? You're going to ruin my one and only opportunity! Go away!" screamed Draco.
"B-b-b-ut I came here to tell you something," whispered Hagrid, "Something has gone terribly wrong!"
"What the fk is it this time?"
"Harry Potter... is pregnant!"
"WHAT THE FKING FK? NEVERRRRRRRRRRR!"
Draco cried and screamed while kicking Hagrid with all his might. The big oaf just looked at him for a moment and said nothing.
"Who is the father? Who dares to take my lovey dovey pancake bear away from me?"
"... DUMBLEDORE!"
"WHAT THE FKING FK? THAT FKING 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN! NO BODY DOES IT WITH MY FUTURE BABY DADDY BUT ME!"
Suddenly, Harry appeared at the top of the stairs. To Draco's horror, his stomach was a balloon. Somebody has pooped his cherry after Draco. NO.
"Hi Draco!"
"H-h-aaa-a-rry..." whimpered Draco, "I thought I was the one for you!"
"Oh yeah, Dumbledore just COMPLETES me y'know? He's so old. His flab rolls... something you don't have. Gees Malfoy, don't you know i want something to hold onto when you put the thing in my thing?"
Draco ran. He could not take it anymore. Why the fk was Harry being this fking mean?
He ran all the way to the forbidden forest where he began to carve his and harry's initials on the tree. DM+HP=4EVA and he crossed out the one that said HP+AB=SEXALLNITE.
He cried on the log until Enoby came. She has a nice outfit draco thinks.
"Helloooooo! Have you heard the news?"
"WHAT?" By then Draco didn't want to talk to anyone.
"Harry pooped the baby. It's a boy. And guess what?"
Draco could not believe it. Now the baby would have white hair all over his body and grow up to be a poser.
"What...?"
"They did DNA and it's not dumbledore's. It's yours. He said it was becos you did it b4 dumbledore!"
"OMFG! OMFG OMFG!"
Draco ran back to castle until he finds Harry. He was carrying a small white bundle and underneath is was a head. He was smiling so sexily that it hurts Draco just to look.
"Uhhmm hi" said Harry, "I wanted to tell you it's yours but I thought you would break up with me then"
"I would never!"
"OK thats good. I dumped Dumbledore"
"OH BABY YES!"
And the kissed until they died.
The world said 'go get a room'
