A/N: This is a Freffy one shot from Effy Stonem's point of view based on how she feels shortly after Freddie's death in Skins UK. Reviews are amazebombs :) Thank you for reading!

Disclaimer:I do not own Skins, Freddie or Effy or generation two. I adore the show though and hope you like my little drabble!


I woke up this morning thinking Freddie was still alive. I reached for phone, only to knock over my bottle of pills and it clicked. He was gone. He was never coming back. He was dead.

Was this how Tony felt? He had seemed so numb, not to mention his cock didn't work properly…It was bad enough when I felt no pain before Freddie's death. Now he wasn't here. He wasn't here to pick up my broken pieces or save me from cutting or overdosing. He was never going to be here.

I know I have Mum but she's in a right state. Tony's off at college and Dad's bonked off never to be seen again. We're alone and I hate being in this fucking house with her. It's like looking in a mirror. She's turning into me. She clutches a bottle of vodka like her life depends on it; she sits inside in the same outfit for weeks and never says a thing. It's like we're both oblivious to the world around us. I know she worries and I know she cares but I hate seeing her this way. Is this how Freddie felt when he saw me acting like this?

I just don't want to see anyone. Panda won't stop ringing the damn doorbell and never gets the message to leave me the fuck alone. Cook's called me a few times but he's probably down at the pub getting bladdered. That fucking bastard ruined all our lives. I can't help but blame myself for going to that fucking perv therapist. Why do I trust people? Why do I bother? They all fuck you over in the end.

I wonder what it's like on the other side? Tony was there for a bit. He said it was bright and almost felt like a really good high. But he was caught in the middle. He came back. Freddie's not. At times I've contemplated suicide. I tried before. I cut myself and Freddie saved me. I got too fucked but Katie was there, Freddie's ex…It's always been him. He's always came to my rescue as prissy as that sounds.

How am I supposed to save me from myself?