spiral
3x01. Clarke's thoughts when she wakes up in Niylah's bed.
...
Clarke jolts awake, torn from her dreams by the fear contained within them. She tries to breathe, slowly and deeply, despite the tightness in her chest. As she attempts to clear her head, Clarke's gaze sweeps over the sleeping form beside her. In that moment, hazy from sleep and sex, Clarke sees Lexa, all messy braids and smooth lines and soft skin, such stark contrast, Clarke thinks, to the coldness in her eyes when she broke the alliance and broke Clarke too.
As soon as the thought enters her mind– Lexa– Clarke is assaulted with visions of what could have been, as vivid and real as memories: sleepy, sated early mornings watching the sun rise, their bodies melding together as one under the warmth and protection of furs and Lexa's fierce yet gentle embrace; stolen kisses in barely-concealed spaces, a smirk on Lexa's lips; the slow burn of desire as they rid each other of their armor, the weight of their burdens and their sacrifices, and the thrill of fear and want that sears through Clarke as Lexa turns her gaze to her, fierce and full of need for more; the weight of Lexa as she crashes into Clarke, pushing her back against the wall, and the surprising fragility of their kiss, Lexa's hands coming to cup Clarke's face, her thumb tracing the ridge of Clarke's cheek–
Clarke is gasping, choking, drowning, and she has to get out– and as she gathers her clothes and the pieces of herself, again and again and again she wonders why, and her heart aches. She wonders if it will ever stop.
...
Disclaimer: The show and its characters are not mine (unfortunately, I would treat them so much better).
