GREIF SICKNESS

#

"It's beautiful." Sandra said, smiling gently.

Morrow concurred but cautiously added, "I just wish it would speak with us."

They sat at their desks in Main Mission, periodically glancing up at the Big Screen, at a sparkling greenish colored alien craft which hovered not far away. It seemed as unsure of the moon and its base as the Alphans were of it.

"Perhaps it will just observe us then go away." she offered.

"They never just go away." Kano snorted from his desk.

It was a quiet afternoon on the wandering moon but it would not stay that way.

Strangely, the chaos that followed would have absolutely nothing to do with the alien vessel in their midst.

#

It was an odd incident, one he dismissed for what it was at the time, but still unforgettable because of the unpredictable familiarity involved.

"Commander," Dr. Mathias called to Koenig on his comlock.

"Yes." He was on his way to his quarters after having been up all night with the graveyard shift in Main: Mission. It had been devilishly dull but he managed to get some paperwork done. "What is it, Bob?"

"Dr. Russell was due in Medical Center about a half hour ago. I've called her repeatedly with no response. I hate to ask but do you think you could stop by her quarters and see if she is well?"

Troubled, Koenig nodded. "I will." He then proceeded to Helena's but first tried to raise her via comlock, as Bob had, with no effect. He then used the same comlock to open her door. Tentatively, he entered unannounced into her quarters.

He approached her bed slowly. Helena was covered to her waist with a light blanket, wearing pajamas, and she seemed fast asleep. He watched her for a short time, studying the way she gently breathed in and out, her chest rising and falling, appreciating her beauty and ease, unaware of his intrusion. Her hair lay in blond tiers on her pillow and the left side of her mouth twitched ever so slightly, perhaps the outward indication of a dream she was having. Then, shaking himself ruefully out of the moment, he leaned down and gently touched her upper arms, "Helena, time to wake up." Koenig called.

She barely stirred.

Apprehensive, he sat on the edge of the bed beside her and touched her cheek. He called again, "Helena."

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open and she smiled gently. "Lee." she whispered and sat quickly up, kissing him firmly on the mouth, holding him in her arms. "You're home."

Koenig pushed her back very gently. "Helena, it's John." he said. She was warm and soft in his embrace, pressed against him, and he realized he could have gotten quite lost in her if their circumstance was different.

"John?" Recognition followed. "What are you doing here?" she asked, easing out of her groggy disarray. She dropped her hands and pushed ever so slightly from him.

Koenig, although he would not admit it, was somewhat wounded by the disconnection. "Bob was concerned."

She looked at her bedside clock, "I'm late." She reared back in the bed, suddenly unsure why she and the Commander had been clinching. "Why did he send you? Why didn't he just call?"

"He tried but you weren't answering." Then Koenig asked, "Are you well?"

Helena blinked, confused. "I'm fine. I had a bit of a headache last night, a funny buzzing in my ears, but nothing to make me sleep that deeply." She picked up her comlock and keyed in a number, "Bob, this is Dr. Russell. I'm sorry I'm late. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

He smiled at her from the screen, "You had me a little nervous. Take your time, Doctor. I'll see you when you get here."

Helena severed the link. She then smiled gently, "Sorry, John." When he did not move right away she looked at him, questioning.

"You thought I was Lee." he said.

"What?'

"When you woke up you called me Lee and kissed me."

"Oh." Helena was embarrassed and looked a little way from him. John Koenig was her Commander and friend. There was a bit of an attraction there between the two, with a promise of more, but nothing had progressed any further than a kind word, a few somewhat longing looks, and an occasional kiss on the cheek. "Suppose I must have dreamed about him." She shrugged. "I'm sorry I kissed you, John. And thank you for checking on me."

He smiled and chuckled, "My pleasure." he said and touched her affectionately under the chin, "You get to work and I'm turning in. I could use some serious sleep myself." He stood. "Have a good day, Helena."

Helena watched him leave, noting his strength and good humor but also a slight hint of frustration. She smiled.

That was two weeks ago.

#

"Has she gone mad?" a female operative called. She stood beside her console but backed up, as were others, as the woman approached. Her bare feet slowly stepped down the stairs.

She had made her approach from Main Mission's large double doors, as they sliced open to allow her entrance.

"I heard him!" Helena Russell nearly screamed, her vision darting about at the people before her – appearing wholly irrational. She stood in Main Mission, wearing pajamas, and in her hand was a stun gun. Her blond hair was disheveled and she, wild-eyed and unhinged, looked every inch an escapee from a mental institution.

Not long before she had been in Medical Center, under a doctor's care. She was so deeply asleep no one had thought she was a threat.

The Commander watched from the top step that led into his office. Professor Bergman was standing right next to him.

This moment seemed strangely familiar to John Koenig. When had it happened? He had asked for their trust and they betrayed him. They did not believe in him, dismissed him, but later he understood why. Never had the truth seemed so insane.

No Arra this time, he knew.

But Helena seemed totally and completely convinced that she was hearing the voices of the dead. They spoke with her, threatened her, and told her Moonbase Alpha was doomed.

"Helena, he is gone." Victor said, gently. "The man died over a month ago. We were there when it happened. We have his body in stasis. You and I observed his interment. Do you remember?"

Exasperated, feeling as if she was being treated as an idiot, Helena shouted: "Of course I remember, Victor!" she gasped, "But that does not stop Mateo from talking in my head. He blames me! So does Warren and even Laura Hendricks! They all tell me if I had done my job right, if I had been a better Chief Medical Officer, had the foreknowledge to see beyond our human abilities, they would still be alive and working on Alpha! They would all have a future!"

"She is mad!" an urgent whisper was heard from a technician by their computer wall.

"But now they're telling me there is a threat out there that will destroy Alpha if we do not act now!"

Koenig called, "Paul, that craft. Is there any sign of danger?"

Morrow shook his head back forth, "Nothing, Commander. It's just hovering."

Koenig initially had thought of his encounter with Arra but this was playing out more like Regina Kessler, when she had held them all at bay and eventually died. No, he would not let that happen to Helena. He carefully stepped down the stairs from his office and slowly approached her, "Helena, please give me the gun."

"The gun?" she asked, almost as if she was unaware she was holding it on him.

"Yes, that is not going to solve anything." Bergman urged, behind Koenig.

"He told me …" Helena seemed confused for a moment, "Mateo told me you were also at fault. But you don't hear them, do you John?"

"No, I don't." He was honest, "But if I did I would tell them it was not your fault or mine. Those Alphans … Their deaths were accidents, Helena. A phenomena of space. No one could have saved them."

"I thought so once." She lifted her hands, the stun gun now very close to her own head. Her hands covered her ears. "They won't stop taunting me. They keep telling me over and over that I am to blame." Then, a little calmer she said, "They say I should join them, John. I should escape the devastation before it happens."

Commander Koenig had never seen her like this before and he gulped slightly at her last statement.

It had started over week ago; maybe a little longer. It was a little buzz in her ear. A sound that was not painful but annoying in its frequency. Helena had mentioned it to John then Victor.

Both their answers were similar. Victor said she may have gotten water in her ear during a shower and John had mentioned an inner ear infection he had when very young. Mathias looked and told Helena she had neither. Still, the sound continued on and off then a few days later she heard a word: "Murderer"

Helena had gasped. She was in Medical Center, at her desk working, and stood feeling very much afraid.

Still, maybe she was laboring too hard, over-thinking her reports. It wasn't very busy in Medical Center so she folded up her paperwork and told Dr. Mathias she was going to take the following day off. She wasn't feeling well, had a headache, and was going to relax in her quarters.

It had been a few days before this she had come in late for work but Dr. Russell practically never took time off, often working extra hours, so he wished her well and told Helena everything was under control.

That night forward the torment escalated. Words had turned into sentences. Vile things rang in her head; judgments and threats.

Nervous, Helena finally asked Professor Bergman over for tea and told him what she was suffering through. She tried not to make it as bad as it was but surely he could see her hands shaking as she lifted her teacup to her mouth and her strained expression. He told Helena he would check with Kano. Perhaps there was a deep space reverb at work, something computer could pin point, and they could quell it with filters. He would also check and see if there were others experiencing the same "noises" as she.

"Victor …" she hesitated, "Don't tell John."

"Why on Earth not?" he asked.

"He has enough to worry about. I don't want to add to his problems – especially if it turns out to be nothing." Helena smiled dimly and wondered if she should mention it to the Commander. Honestly, she did not want to. His opinion of her meant a great deal to Helena and what if it was discovered … What if she really was cracking up? Helena always prided herself on a cool head and logical thinking under pressure. But perhaps, leading the strange life they all had been forced to live, the symptoms she was experiencing were signs of deep stress or anxiety.

However, before Victor could get back to her with his findings, Helena began to hear the voices morning, noon and night.

"You are a murderer."

"You killed us."

"It's your fault!"

"Death is too good for you."

"ALPHA IS DOOMED!"

She told Bob and swore him to their doctor-patient confidentiality agreement, "Honestly," she said, "If my last psyche evaluation hadn't been so sterling I would be very worried about now." And I still am.

Mathias chuckled, "The fact that you are taking that into consideration shows you are not going crazy, Helena. However, I would like to take an image of your ear canal and a brain scan just to see if there is a blockage or swelling of some kind ..." She was not ready for a psychiatric ward, Mathias assured. After the images were taken he gave her medication and told their CMO to get rest. He would call her with the results.

She tried to relax but nothing worked. If anything, the drugs made her more susceptible to the horrible words uttered into her ear as she lay in bed and tried to relax. Soon the accusations had become screams in her head. "Death! Destruction!" the voice that sounded like Warren shouted.

Finally, two days ago she stumbled to the backdoor of Koenig's office, opened it with her comlock, her hands shaking, and she cried out for help. Helena dropped her comlock to the floor and held her throbbing head with both hands.

"Helena!" Commander Koenig caught her as she fell, and held her sobbing in his arms.

"Make them stop, John. Please!" Then she fainted.

Koenig felt his heart skip a beat. What in God's name was going on?

Professor Bergman called Medical Center and, despite what he promised Helena, told Koenig what she had disclosed about the sounds in her head.

They placed her under a deep sleep but Mathias was worried. All of Helena's levels were erratic and abnormally high. "She should not be dreaming" he told them, "but every indication shows she is not just dreaming but whatever she is seeing or hearing is vicious."

"John, have you noticed Helena feeling particularly disoriented by the recent deaths on Alpha?" Bergman asked.

"No more than the rest of us." he said. "I do know she and Mateo were friendly. I'd often see her with Mateo and Laura during off duty hours, talking and playing cards in the recreation center. I'm sure she grieved for both when they died."

"It's always a little deeper for us here in the medical unit." Mathias said, thoughtfully, looking from her to the men. "Doctors try to keep professional but we know many of the people on Alpha personally. Then, when they die, we are asked to do their autopsies …" He shook his head back and forth and sighed, "Helena is our CMO. Maybe the pressure has finally tipped her over."

"Did she come to you about this?" Koenig asked Mathias.

He hesitated before answering. "Yes." Mathias said, "We are awaiting results of a few scans."

"Why the hell was it kept a secret?"

"She asked me not to say anything, Commander, to keep it confidential. It seemed very personal to her and who was I to argue? I had no idea it was as bad as this." Once again, he looked at her as she lay on the bed.

Bergman admitted, "She came to me too and asked me not to say anything to you, John. I think she was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" Koenig barked. And, he wondered, why hadn't she come to him first? He could not help feeling slightly hurt by her inability to trust him.

Mathias and Bergman made eye contact, knowing what the other was thinking.

"I think she was afraid she was going mad."

#

In the present, Sandra stood a little to Helena's side. "No, Dr. Russell." She was frightened for her friends and work-mates in Main Mission but also now very afraid for Helena herself. She was not rational and that unexpected look of acceptance in her expression was worrisome. "You should not in any way join Mateo and the others. You are alive and they are dead."

"Eternal sleep." Helena whispered, "Quiet." Now looking at her gun. She had pulled it from the docking station positioned under her desk in Medical Center. Very few people knew it existed but Koenig arranged for Helena to have it. The gun was locked away under a special code that only she and he knew. It seemed a wise security feature at the time. She snapped the beam from stun to kill, "Freedom from the voices." She murmured.

"No Helena! NO!' Koenig moved forward, "That's not the answer."

"What is, John?" she wondered, nearly inaudible. "I can't sleep, as we know it, because I have nightmares. I hear them. And when I'm awake they also call to me. No one else, John, just me." Her voice broke, "They're punishing me!"

"There has to be answer, Helena." Bergman reasoned, "We will find it together."

Alan Carter, hidden behind the spiral staircase moved up slowly behind Helena.

Koenig saw him and urged him, with his eyes, to be careful.

"It's a warning. You have to find out why Alpha is doomed, John." She said, "And I … I will die knowing I have done all I can …"

Alan quickly grasped Helena's wrist and pulled the gun from her hand.

Main Mission exhaled collectively.

Helena, confused, looked up at John as he approached and gently placed his hands on her shoulders, "Let me take you to someone who can help you." he said.

"Am I going to be arrested?" she asked, nearly childlike.

"No, no." Bergman came up on her opposite side, 'We are going to try to make the voices go away, Helena." He took one of her hands in his.

She nodded as John slipped an arm around her shoulders and he and Victor walked Helena to Medical Center.

Sandra watched them then looked at Paul Morrow. Both heard her faint last words as the doors sliced shut.

"I'm not crazy … Am I?"

Poor woman, they both thought. Then, their attention was diverted as an alarm sounded.

Paul and Sandra looked up at the Big Screen once again, distinguishing something different. The enigmatic ship seemed more alive, its visual energy more vivid.

"It's closer." Kano said. "And I think it's trying to communicate …"

#

More to come.