I was moping….there wasn't any other way to put it. I hadn't phased in a week, I wasn't ready to face the pity of the pack. I hadn't even left my room, only to get something to eat. I avoided anything that reminded me of her: her smile, smell, laugh, anything that ripped a hole in my chest again. Billy stopped knocking a few days ago saying he would let me heal in peace.
It had been almost two weeks since Bella left me in that forest, walking away with that filthy bloodsucker she loved so much. All he had to do was waltz back into her life after leaving her for dead and she jumped right back into his arms. I had been around the whole time, picked her up and put her back together piece by piece but that wasn't enough. The sick part was I put her back together in just enough time for him to come back and get a whole Bella back again. Who knows how long it will be before he breaks her again, and she will probably come back to her favorite surgeon to fix her up. The thing that's worse than that, I'll take her back because I can't live without her.
Another week passes…..
I finally emerged back into the world, my door opened with a creak and I stumbled out into the sunlight of our living room. Billy was sitting at the kitchen table and didn't take any notice to me, probably assuming I was just coming for something to eat and would hole myself back up in my room to wallow some more. But I had finally come to terms with the situation. I wasn't enough for her, she wanted something I couldn't be.
"Hey Dad I think I'm going to go for a run. I'll be back later." He looked surprised but smiled and nodded in my direction. "Have a good one Jake." With that I left the house. I sucked in a huge breath of air the minute I was out the door, I hadn't noticed how stale the air was in my room until this moment. I phased and began to run loving how my muscles immediately responded. I immediately began to think 'I don't want to talk or have company, please let me run in peace.' I could feel the other wolves nod in agreement and give me my distance. I needed to run this out of my system even if it meant running until I couldn't move any longer. I ended up running to a small town in the north. I didn't even know the name of it but I was exhausted and feeling much better. I phased, put my shorts on and walked into a local diner. I was famished. As I walked into the door I heard my worst nightmare, music. I now understood why Bella didn't want to listen to music after the leech left her, it made you think of too many things.
I couldn't turn the music off and the song had me hooked on the first line so I sat outside listening and letting my memories pull me back into the dark oblivion I had just run to escape.
"Need You Now" Lady Antebellum
Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause,
I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
She had me convinced that she loved me the whole time we were together. I knew she needed more time to allow the leech's hold to release from her but I always thought she would come around, that she loved me the way I loved her. As I sat and listened to the music, I wondered if she ever thought of me. It couldn't possibly be as much as I thought of her but I hoped at least I occupied a small part of her brain…..and heart.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
She was the only thing in my life that made sense. This werewolf thing was easier to accept when she was by my side, not afraid or repulsed by what I was. How could I have let her slip out of my grasp? I need to hear her voice again, her laugh even if it will shred my insides all over again.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
My house seems like an empty shell without her smiling face coming through the door. Just the way she would come in with light in her eyes and color in her cheeks, it made me fall in love with her over and over again.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I need to see her now. I don't care if the bloodsucker is around, I need to convince her I am where her life was…is supposed to take her. She belongs with me, I'm her natural path not that lifeless excuse of a man. I can't let her go.
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now. And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
This pain is the only thing I have left to tell me our time was real. If only I could get her to see we are a natural fit, soul mates. I have to try.
With that I took off into the night, phasing and running as fast as I could. I arrived at her house and saw there was no light on. I jumped up the tree and went through the window in a flash. When I landed softly on the floor and turned toward her bed, I noticed…..she wasn't there. Where could she be? It was well after midnight. She must be out with that bloodsucker. I have to find her……my heart depends on it.
