A/N: So this idea has been chattering away in the back of my brain for weeks now and I finally decided to post it. It's out of my head and off my chest, so there. It's your problem now! ^_^ I hope you enjoy and there aren't too many mistakes. I don't have a beta; they give me the heebey-jeebeys. ;3 This is my fist Bones fic, but don't go easy on me. Let me know exactly what you think!
Read, Review, And be Merry!
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You love me
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"Hey Bones?" Booth asked softly from the driver's seat as they made their way through the dimly lit streets. Finished with their successful dinner with Jared and Padma, they now headed towards her apartment in late-night DC.
"Yes?" Temperance cringed at the breathy quality of her voice. She'd been waiting nervously for him to speak since they left the Founding Fathers. Come on now, she chided herself, stop acting like an irrational teenager.
"What you said earlier, about changing your mind on love," She could see his knee quivering agitatedly and thought maybe she heard a similar waver in his voice. He was nervous. Her already fluttering heart picked up speed. "Do you really think that? That love is real I mean."
Temperance tried unsuccessfully to keep her lips from turning up. She'd spent the entire afternoon planning that toast. Earlier in the day Angela made a passing comment about Brennan and Booth's "almost relationship" which had spurred Temperance to explain 'The Line' to the artist. This of course, was followed by one of Angela's tirades about the two partners being in denial of their obvious attraction and how this was another one of Booth's irrational rationalizations to protect her from emotions she wasn't ready to face.
Temperance immediately dismissed the idea, much to Angela's consternation, but once the artist was gone, she couldn't help but wonder if it could be true. The more she thought about it, the more Temperance reasoned that it was possible that, given the new information she had gathered about Booth, love, and the overwhelming number of people that assumed there was something between them based on observing their interactions, the more that wonder grew into a sort of hope.
Sometime between lunch and quitting time, that hope suddenly exploded into a sense of giddy anticipation and Temperance set about composing her toast, not only to congratulate Jared and Padma's relationship, but to tell Booth that she was ready. She could handle the feelings they seemed to share for one another and gave him permission to make an advance, as she suspected was customary in a normal romantic relationship.
"Yes, I did mean it. Given recent events and the things I have learned from you as well as observing others, I have come to the conclusion that love is, in fact, quite possible." Temperance felt like her insides were vibrating as she waited for his response. In the dark cabin of his SUV, she could just make out the contours of his handsome face.
"Oh." Her excitement was momentarily put on the back burner as she noticed his brow knit with what looked like discomfort. He stared out at the road intently, jaw tight with concentration. Had she made him uncomfortable somehow? Did he doubt her conviction on the matter of love?
"Booth," She was sure he could hear the foreboding in her voice. "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's just…" He sighed loudly and shifted in his seat, gestures she knew meant he wanted to say more, but needed a moment to formulate the right words, so she waited. "I'm happy that you finally believe love is real. I just want… I need to tell you something. But I'm afraid it might upset you."
"You need to tell me something… in regards to my toast about love?" She asked slowly, wanting to make sure she understood. He nodded, sparing a quick glance into her eyes before turning back to the road. The flash of intense brown caused something to clench in Temperance's chest. Why did you look so frightened?
Did I say something inappropriate in my toast? She wondered, her genius brain quickly trying to analyze everything. Perhaps he needed to clarify something. What if… Temperance's breath caught painfully in her chest as another scenario popped into her mind. What if he has already discerned what my speech was intended for? Booth was, after all, quite intelligent and very good at reading her. It was highly likely he saw the looks she'd given him at the table and had come to the conclusion that she was extending an invitation for a relationship with him.
But he wouldn't seem so forlorn if that were the case, right? According to Angela, Booth was merely waiting for the 'green light' to tell her he wanted to be in a real, romantic relationship with her. Why would that be cause for so much unease on his part? Unless…
"Oh," Temperance breathed out, and her chest clenched so painfully she reflexively reached for her heart. He wasn't trying to tell her he found her to be a potential mate; that he could possibly loved her and was ready to advance now that she comprehended love fully. He was trying to tell her the opposite.
"Look, Bones," Booth sighed in response to her reaction. "I don't want you to freak out or anything. Nothing has to change between us; I just think you need to know." Temperance was aware of the sharp tickle behind her eyes and blinked rapidly to try to alleviate it. It sounded as though he was going to ease her down gently, but she had already hit rock bottom.
Of course he is going to reject my offer, Temperance mused as she closed her eyes against the stinging moisture. How could I be so foolish? Booth was kind, and caring, good with people, a wonderful father, loyal friend, the exact opposite of her. Angela was wrong. Booth had never intended to wait for her to understand love so that he could confess his feelings to her. She could see the utter absurdity of that now. When had she started believing in miracles too?
"Booth, it's okay." She chocked, unable to look at him anymore. The crushing sensation in her chest began to ache intensely as a rogue bead of salty moisture escaped her lashes. If Booth, her closest friend, the one person who knew her inside and out, could not bring himself to love her then the only logical conclusion was that no one ever would.
Temperance sneered at her own naïveté. With all her degrees and experience and worldly knowledge, she had somehow deluded herself into believing that everything did happen eventually. Well, that was obviously not the case, the evidence being that love or broken laws of physics or them. Those things would never happen. Not for her. Temperance suddenly felt as though she were suffocating in this revelation. She needed to get away from him before she completely lost control.
"Bones?" He sounded concerned which only served to worsen her pain. She couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now. No wonder he seemed uneasy. She had subjected her best friend to a very embarrassing situation, in front of his family no less. How many times had he told her that they could never be more than just partners? For being so intelligent, Temperance suddenly felt very stupid.
"Booth, could you please pull over?"
"What?" He sounded alarmed now, but she couldn't find enough breath to explain.
"Pull over!" She gasped, her hands already removing her safety belt and reaching for the door handle. Seeing she couldn't wait, Booth jerked the SUV to the side of the road, popping the curb and slamming on the breaks at the same time. Temperance opened the door immediately and stumbled out into the cool night. Her legs shook violently beneath her, but she managed to walk several paces into the park they stopped by, reaching for a low slung branch to brace herself.
"Bones, wait!" She heard Booth hurrying up behind her and clutched the tree tighter, turning her face downward. She didn't want him to see how badly his rejection hurt. "I need to tell you…"
"Don't!" Temperance breathed, a sob escaping her lips as the tears flowed freely now, despite her valiant efforts to stop them. It was irrational, she knew, but if he said it out loud, told her directly that he would not, could not love her, it would kill her, she was sure.
"I don't understand, why are you crying?" Booth asked quietly, and she could hear hurt in his voice. Somehow, his pain hurt her worse than her own ever could. Another sob racked her frame and words began to pour from her just like the unrelenting tears.
"Because it hurts Booth. I have tried to learn from you as best I can. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be as good in matters of the heart as you are, but I thought…" She gasped, another sob interrupting her and Booth's warm hand rested lightly on her shoulder, as though he knew too much pressure would break her.
"I believe I have made great progress in learning to use my metaphorical heart, and I am finally comfortable with the assertion that love does exist, but…" She felt him pulling her face towards him but could not find the energy to stop him. Suddenly, she was staring into confused and pain filled chocolate depths and she was certain that she would never be whole again. "It's all pointless now."
"Why, Temperance? What's pointless?" He pleaded, his own eyes swimming with unshed moisture now. Brennan squeezed her sys shut, hoping to save them both from the words that fought to free themselves from her lips. Once she said them, there would be no turning back. She opened her mouth to change the subject, to lie, to do anything else, but the truth took hold of her and forced its way out.
"Because you don't love me." Her voice cracked painfully and she allowed more sobs to rip through her, followed by a torrent of agonizing words. "You are the one who introduced to me the possibility that love is real and I once I could accept that I wanted it. I wanted it so badly, but I only wanted it with you. I tried to play by your rules, not to force your reaction. I wanted you to see me, to love me in return, but you can't. It's not your fault, I understand that love is not voluntary, but it hurts all the same. You can't love me, how could anyone? I am a genius; I should have reached this conclusion much sooner. There is an exception to every rule and it appears I am the exception to love. I'm just not worthy."
"Don't every say that again!" Temperance was momentarily startled from her tears as Booth snapped angrily at her. "Don't you dare sell yourself short Temperance Brennan! You are the most amazing, smart, beautiful, caring person I know. You deserve everything this life has to offer, including love." Booth was breathing heavily now, his soft brown eyes blazing with conviction, both his large, warm hands cupping her face tenderly.
"How could you even think that no one could love you? Don't you see what's around you? There are so many people who care about you and love you. I love you!"
He loved her? Temperance felt her eyes widen and her body go very still. But the tiny spark of hope turned into a stab of pain almost immediately. Yes, he did love her, as he said before, in a professional 'atta-girl' way. She opened her mouth to tell him so but he cut her off.
"No, Temperance. No qualifiers this time. I love you. I'm in love with you, and I have been for a very long time." Temperance felt her knees buckle, but Booth was there, supporting her, preventing her from falling. He would never make her fall. "You make me feel like I'm on top of the world with just a look. You're an annoyingly literal, bossy, blunt, smartass, beautiful, compassionate, talented, amazing woman, and I am so lucky to know you," As he spoke, Booth moved closer to her. His thumbs swiped at the new beads of liquid diamond rolling off her crystal blue eyes.
"…N-no," Temperance tried to make since of his words, to pull away from him and run before the dream ended and he realized that he was wrong. "It's not… I don't understand." More tear fell as her heart and her brain battled for supremacy.
Booth clutched her closer, refusing to let her move even a fraction further from him. "I wanted to tell you that your toast was perfect. You surprise me every day. And every day I love you more." His smile was so glorious that Temperance doubted whether or not she was still conscious. Nothing in real life could possibly be so beautiful. "That's what I wanted to say… before you jumped out of the car like a lunatic."
Laughter bubbled up between them as he shattered the thick tension. And even though she could detect the humor in his voice, she knew, without question, that he was telling her the truth. Temperance let her head fall to his chest, more laughter mixing with fresh tears, the sensation washing through her causing the knot in her chest to swell exponentially, until she was afraid it might burst instead.
"You love me," She whispered, testing the texture of those words on her tongue. "You love me." They were tangled in each other's arms now, not quite sure where one ended and the other began. Temperance felt as though she might lose herself in him, but realized she didn't really mind. Another bubble of laughter escaped her as she identified the tide of emotion sweeping through her to be joy, uninhibited, unadulterated. It was beautiful. She lifted her eyes to his, intent on speaking, but the thought died in her throat.
His face was shining so brightly she thought he might have suddenly become bioluminescent. The smile on his lips the source of light, reaching every corner of his being, lighting his chocolate brown eyes in a way she didn't even know was possible. He was breathtaking, beautiful, and he loved her. The need to tell him so, to let him know what he meant to her was so intense that she physically shook from it, but her throat seemed unable to form the words. So instead she threw herself at him.
They landed in a flurry of limbs on the grass, and he let out a startled "oomf!" as she planted her lips on his, kissing him with a passion she didn't know she possessed. It took him all of two seconds to respond and suddenly they weren't just kissing, they were communicating. Desire, need passion, joy; the emotions overflowed as Temperance traced his strong jaw with quivering fingertips, pulling away so they could each gasp for breath.
"You love me," She finally managed to gasp a moment later. His lips were red from her attack and his face and neck were flushed a color she desperately hope would be reserved for only her from now on.
"And you love me," He whispered back, tracing rough fingers over the delicate skin of her lips, just as bruised and swollen as his own. Temperance felt a smile take over her face and she hoped he could see all the emotions in her own face that she now witnessed in his.
"Yes," She confirmed breathlessly. "Yes, I do."
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I like reviews… hint, hint.
~HIKARi
