Bakuten Shoot Beyblade
Title: Walking away
Disclaimer: Do not own anything
Warnings: Shonen-ai, Kaitaka, AU
Summary: It is not always necessary to say things loud.
A/N: This story oscillates between present and past. Takao is talking to an imaginary Kai in his mind while remembering time he passed with him because he is too chicken to reveal his feelings out loud.
Tried to write flash backs in a different manner.
I sat on the chair at the café remembering how it all started for me, that how you had become so important to me over these years which we spent together as 'friends'. I could not help but replay the day's events again and again in my mind. You had just announced today of your engagement with Jane and now I sat here contemplating, telling myself that everything was over for me, trying to console my broken heart to move on, regretting that I could never tell you what I felt for you, crying that my hopes were shattered but laughing at the same time because I knew all along that these false hopes of mine would never be fulfilled, that I never really had a chance with you.
I was trying and failing to deal with the emotional turmoil that was stabbing me from inside ripping through my heart to shatter it into millions of pieces and I could not help remembering that it all started with envy, yes envy as strange as it may sound but it was the truth. You were rich, good looking, intelligent, had the best grades, good at sports, and you had lots of admirers. You were the star student of the school, and basically you had all what I lacked. On the contrary I was one of the 'unpopular kids' nobody even liked to look at or talk to.
It reminds me how I had hated to look in the mirror for the reflection it presented. I was skinny, with big dull blue eyes, long hair that covered my face from the view (just because my 'ninja guy' grandfather considered that the hair signified a warrior's valor and strength); in short my face lacked all the attributes that were considered essential for a boy to be considered handsome. Every time I looked into the mirror I would see my dead mother looking back at me, I sometimes would try to find my real self in that face, I was someone trying to get out of the dark shadows, trying to find something that I could call my own characteristic, my own identity that was not blurred by the past. I covered up my self- consciousness and nervousness behind the veil of cheekiness trying to appear confident and strong. I was shorter that most of the guys in the class and I was also one of the most favorite targets of the school bullies.
I would only watch you from my corner at the back of the class when you had set up a new record at the race track, or you had for the school another trophy in some event or other and several similar things. You never seemed to care about what you had, and were very indifferent to the attention you got. Those small little things never affected you as they did to me. You weren't the one for words rather you believed in doing things. I had always wondered how could not those things affect you.
My first encounter with you occurred when Carlos and his dumb gang who called themselves 'the Down Town Dogs' was busy picking on Kenny in the hallway tossing his laptop in air and I had got myself in trouble trying to save him.
"Please don't ..!" Kenny was on the verge of tears.
"Dude, don't you think this technology is too much for your prehistoric brains why don't you just give it back and chase the cars instead with your canine relatives." I had joked and see I did have a big mouth.
"Look this weakling is trying to be the hero." One of those jerks had piped up and I had found myself pushed to the wall and strangled.
"Man, your mouth stinks; ever heard about things called toothpastes, you need them badly." And before the raised fist could touch my face a new voice had stopped him. "Looks like the stray dogs are out on a run." Carlos had turned to glare at the intruder; thankfully out of my view. You stood there clad in green school uniform with your hands crossed on the chest.
"Stop it you guys or else I will call the teacher, then you all are going straight to the Principal." Hiromi, the class president stood there with Max and Rei glaring with equal ferocity. And they were really gone with a threat "I will make you pay, Kinomiya!"
Kenny had hugged his laptop like a lifeline when I just turned away Hiromi had shouted "Hey, at least you can thank us for helping you out." "I never asked for help." was my only answer which was reflected by Hiromi's "What a jerk."
Later that day when I was walking back home I found myself surrounded by Carlos and company. My bag was snatched and I found my throat again being strangled by a smug looking Carlos. "So who are you going to call for help now you wimp?" I took my chance and kneed between his legs and tried to get away. There was no way I could take all ten of them together. But before I could slip out, they all were on me beating me as a punching bag. When I finally opened my eyes I found myself in an unfamiliar place that turned out to be Kenny's house above his dad's restaurant, the famous five of school had saved me from the dogs' wrath. "Thank you..I guess." To which Hiromi had smiled so did the others but you had not. A few days later Hiromi had admitted that I was different than she had always thought. They were a bit hesitant at first but soon they accepted me as a friend. But from the start you had treated me just like you treated 'your comparatively tolerable classmates' aka your friends. The first time when I took you all home Gramps had scared all of you by his customary welcome. Max, Rei, Hiromi, Kenny all were wide eyed when they reached the old ancestral dojo.
"Wow..Takao you live here?" Kenny had appreciated.
"This place is sure big." Max had just finished when Grandpa had jumped out to hit me with his kendo stick making even you go wide-eyed. "Hey there T-man so how was your day? Oh you have guests with you, are they your friends? Wait.. you made friends young dog? Oh I am so proud of you." And my senile grandfather had hugged the air out of all of you guys. "Gramps stop. You will scare them away!" I had to shout. "Oh no T-man this calls for celebration come in, Homies T-man's friends are my friends." All of you had sweat dropped "That is why I never tell him about parents' meeting!" I had sighed scratching my neck; when I saw Grandfather had already started narrating his stories to Kenny about our ancestors who actually looked interested. "Wow..Takao your grandfather is so cool. Why didn't you ever tell me that he fought pirates on his way to Burma?"Max had yelled while dribbling the ball from one corner of the training hall that had been converted to a temporary Basketball ground. "Really..?" Chief had questioned typing on his laptop not even caring to look up. "Of course not." I had told them, though Gramps had narrated the same story in the parent-teachers meeting, thanks to Hiromi who being the Class president had specially invited him. But the dojo did become one of everyone's favorite hang outs.
You would be there hiding in some unnoticeable corner of the dojo away from where all of us would be creating ruction and scare us out of our wits by sneaking on us now and then.
I had always found you like a puzzle but the more I tried to disembroil the loose ends the more I found myself lost until I got myself so enclasped that I could not differentiate the puzzle from me any longer. I found myself drowning in your mystique.
The server has served me the tea and I see a faint reflection of my face in the brew. The day when I had voiced my consciousness about my looks comes rushing back to my mind. It was the same day all our friends had gathered for doing a group project when Rei had interrogated "Why.., don't you eat anything Takao, you are so skinny." "I do, but whatever I may eat I do not put on weight or fat." "It has to do something with your metabolism" was Chief's wise reply. "Why don't you work out?" you had smirked. "Hell no. grandpa already puts me through hell with his kendo training." "Well we could work on your clothes at least. You see different types of clothes do affect your looks differently. For example, if you feel you are too skinny then you could wear something loose rather than tight fitting clothes."
And thus, Hiromi had decided that I needed a makeover (not before pitying my bad sense of clothing); forgetting all about the project we had to complete. All as per Hiromi's orders guys excluding you had brought some of their clothes to donate for the noble cause and as I had stepped out in Rei's usual attire and looked in the mirror you had snorted from the couch making others but Rei laugh. You had already declared you would stay away from the madness. "Guys.. this is not helping I asked your help to make me look like a boy not an animal.!" I yelled frustrated. "Animal..?"Rei had blinked. "If something looks good on you doesn't mean it will look good on others." Hiromi had told a confused Rei. "All he needs are cat ears and he'll look like your kitten, Big daddy."Max had grinned. "But still animal..?" and I wasted no time in returning his tiger strips. "Then I don't think you would like to try these.?" Kenny showed me his shorts and I shook my head in negation vigorously I did not even want to imagine myself in those revealing clothes.
"Leave it to the expert guys." Hiromi had rolled her imaginary sleeves and shuffled through all the clothes "He needs something of his own. Taka, try this" she had handed me a very-very bright yellow T-shirt a size or two bigger than what I usually wore which in actuality belonged to Max. I had swallowed as I took the garment in my hands looking at her and then at others and they had nodded encouragingly. "Bud.. you don't have another color, do you?." "Yes I do, here I have a pink one." "Fine then, I think I'll just wear this."I put the T-shirt over the white one I was already wearing." Then I was given a red jacket that had a yin-yang sign at the back, whose sleeves I had to roll up to my elbows and also a pair of blue fingerless gloves adorned my hands donated by Chief. I was pushed to sit on a chair while Hiromi brought out a pair of scissors which had made me panic. "Sit still Taka, I am going to trim your hair." "Oh.. no..no.. no.. NO… gramps will kill me.. don't." I had held my pony tail tightly."Oh he would not even notice!" I eyed warily at the butcher's Scissors "sorry he doesn't allow me to cut my hair. You know those stupid family traditions." But the look on my predator's face had said 'move if you wanna die' ".Still" and I had my eyes shut tightly while she had slashed my hair mercilessly or that was what it felt like. And when I had opened my eyes I found that the bangs that usually covered most of my face had been shortened redefining my looks I had a base ball hat over my head which she had found somewhere in my closet. "Now see it's all done!" She looked proud at her handiwork. "Man, you look like a rowdy rough badass." "You look definitely like a boy now. What do you think Kai? " you had spared me a glance, walked to me dramatically then stopped in front of me you had then looked down into my eyes, reached for the hat to put it backwards on my head and walked back after your little contribution to my looks; while I looked into the mirror again at my new avatar, that was laden with contrastingly and brightly colored attire. I had to agree that I'd never looked better.
These little things had me gravitated towards you. I pay for the unfinished tea and walk out in heavy steps. I remember our last year at school when everybody was supremely excited about the 'Prom Night' at the New Year party. By this time my harbored feelings had blossomed into something so strong and profoundly unfathomable affection that I had never imagined, I would feel for anyone. I had planned to reveal my heart to you on the coming night at the brink of the passing year. I had wanted to ask you for the dance. Max and Hiromi were going, Rei had decided to bring Mao, Kenny had also got his chance with Mingming. Just before I could ask you Ashley had pushed her way to you to ask you for the said occasion. You had just ignored her at first but when she still didn't budge "Who do you think you are? Go to hell I am not interested." You had snapped and I had decided against risking my life.
"Kai you just turned down the most happening girl of the school!" Max had pointed earning a slap at the back of his head by a glaring Hiromi.
Hiromi had then turned away from his pouting face to me "who are you going with?" "I won't come. Gramps is throwing a party at the dojo so…"
The night had come and I was seated at the dojo roof under which Bingo was going on feeling the night pass to give way to a new morning, you had climbed and sat there besides me silently. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming; you were there on the New Year's Eve sitting on the dojo roof by my side looking ahead in the night. "Why didn't you go to the Dance?" "Not my thing." Your short answer had followed my question. You were there in the night with me, telling me that you didn't like to dance. "Then what do you like doing?" I had questioned after a long silence, turning to look up at the sky not actually expecting an answer when I got one. "Right now, I like looking at the night sky." You had answered looking up as well. I had addressed you thinking that I could tell you; I could take the risk but when your eyes had bore into mine I forgot the lines I had been practicing for around two days to confess my feelings. "Kai.. I .. I .. wanna ... never mind." I could only sigh. Soon the star littered sky was faded by the bright lively fireworks that marked the end of the old dying year.
A/N: apologies for any spelling or grammatical mistakes that may have occurred due to Ginger's ignorance. After all to err is human and to review is divine. So please do review.
