Donnie's shell loomed over his shoulders as he adjusted the dials on the device he'd constructed to measure her powers. "Are you feeling anything, April? Anything at all?"
She wasn't. But that didn't mean she wouldn't. More importantly was the adorable way Donnie's tongue was peeking out the corner of his mouth. She liked his deep concentration face. And his surprised face. And the tenderness he radiated when his smile was directed at her. All of which she'd worked hard to keep in the background, buried away for the right time.
Then there was the one face she'd never forget, that tore at her insides and reminded her of how far she could fall. Her hands gripped her knees tighter, and her chest began to ache. A static sound filled the barn and the lights brightened then dimmed.
It was supposed to be a weekend away, at the old farmhouse. To rest. At least that's what Master Splinter had suggested, although she suspected it was more about her taking some time after almost losing herself… Not to mention almost destroying the turtle she cared so deeply for.
"Well, something is happening. You don't feel that?"
His voice strummed chords within her that she could no longer deny. There were a lot of reasons she'd kept him in the friend zone. The timing was never right. Should she risk their friendship if it didn't work out? What would Master Splinter and his brother's think? But above all else how did she tell him? No. Should she tell him? No. How? No. No. Should I?
"Should you what?"
April startled at his question, almost falling off the chair. Had she said that out loud? Her cheeks flushed as she righted herself.
Donnie's mask bunched between his eyes as he looked her over. "Are you okay, April? Do we need to stop or take a break?"
"No. No. I'm fine. Just… fine." Her gaze fell to the cup of her hands as her voice fell. "Just fine."
Donnie stared at her, for what she knew to be just a few seconds, but they were awkward and she was sure they'd never end. Then he turned down the dials, shut off the machine and reached for the halo thingy he always put on her head. "You know, I think I could use some fresh air. Want to go for a walk?"
A walk. Her heart picked up pace as her cheeks rushed hot again. Since when was she so awkward?! Since deciding your Valentine's gift to him would be telling him how you feel! But should I? And how? Will it just slip out? Oh gods, what if it comes out all wrong?
Her teeth ground together as she struggled with conflicting emotions.
Get a hold of yourself, April. It's just a walk with your best friend.
He leaned in closer, his cool breath ghosting her cheek. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that right?" The scent of balsam drifted into her head, warming her insides the way only he could do.
The second his hand brushed her shoulder she sprung out of the chair. "Yes. Yes, a walk. A walk sounds good."
They'd been in the barn longer than she'd thought. There had still been dew on the grass, and an early morning mist beneath a bank of low hanging clouds when they'd ventured to the old building. Now the dew was gone, but the mist has thickened to a dense fog, and the clouds just above them were a nasty shade of grey.
"Oh, nimbostratus. There might be a chance of storm. I could calculate the percentage-" His eyes surveyed the skyline and she could all but see his gears turning.
"Or you could just check the weather." She interjected. It wouldn't have taken him long, but whatever he came up with wouldn't change her mind either. "Or we could just go."
His gaze fell to the blanket of fog. "But we won't be able to see where we're going."
At this she laughed. "Really? I thought you'd look at it as a way to hone your ninja skills." Not waiting for his reply, she picked up a jog, wandering deep into the mist.
"April, wait!" He called after her. But the thrill of hide and seek was too great. "April!"
She broke into a sprint, closing her eyes as she tuned into her environment. With her next footfall the crunch of grass reached her ears, then her exhale, and her heart beat. She was a kunoichi. She could do better.
Her stride changed, her balance, the entire way she moved her body. She focused on her breathing, and the pace of her heart. Tree branches rustled as a strong wind rushed over the farm, the tall grass in the field behind her shivered against its brethren, the blades leaning on one another as they would after the rain came and passed. The same way she reached for Donnie when times were hard.
As the air rushed over her, she inhaled deep, catching faint wisps of pine laced with something chemical. He was close. The corners of her mouth tipped up as she breathed him in, sensed his very being, felt his essence like a spark to the embers of her heart, one that spread out like a wildfire and had her pulse racing, fingers thrumming, her heart slamming against her rib cage. And she marveled at how quickly it had come to that.
She'd always known there was something, but she'd held it at bay for all the risks. It was in those terrible seconds when she'd thought she'd lost him forever… forever… She vowed she'd never make that mistake again. Now there was just the matter of telling him.
There was a shift in the energy surrounding her. She'd gotten distracted, had stopped moving. She was about to lose the game.
A low rumble of thunder pierced the veil of silence. But he did not give himself away. She was so attuned to him she might still win, but as her weight shifted she caught glimpse of lavender and the perfect soft green of his cheek. He was gone as quick as he came, but he hadn't really left.
Another clap, this one stronger, closer, rumbled the earth beneath her feet. Then came the rain. Warm, summer rain, that summoned fresh mist from the soil.
Another flash of green.
He was playing with her, perhaps giving her a chance. She resisted huffing at the idea that he might be trying to let her win. But at the same time a downpour washed over her, and it felt… like relief, hope, balm to her wounds, it held the promise of release.
Forgetting the game, she lifted her chin to the sky and opened her arms. Every part of her needed this, this cleansing of her soul, to ease the ache in the part of her that would never forgive herself. Every drop numbed the hurt, settling her unease. All there was left to do was tell him. But how?
Then he was there, right before her, so close she could lower her head and rest her brow against his plastron. Tentative fingers hovered near her cheek then drifted to her shoulder. "Tell me what, April?"
She stared at him, unsure where to begin, how to explain, that- I'm sorry. That I've been keeping you at bay for too long. I've been afraid to risk everything we are together. That I loved the music box you gave me so long ago, that I listen to it before I go to bed at night. That I love your heart, your devotion, your forgiveness… That I've loved you for so long- I can't remember when it happened, I just felt it then it hit me and I understood what it was. I feel it every time we're together, and I miss you when we're apart. I love you for always being there for me. Even when I didn't deserve it. Even now, maybe I still don't. But I love you. I love you. I love you. But the timing has never been right. Will it ever be right?
Her heart hurt it beat so hard, her legs had gone numb, and -
God I want to kiss you so bad right now.
She swallowed hard, opened her mouth and closed it again when nothing came out. When she tried again he reached for her, pulled her closer, his wide, glossy brown eyes darting over her.
"Say it out loud…". His voice was shaky, his hands trembling. "P-please. I want to hear you say it. April, please."
April, please.
She could deny him nothing ever again. Those words would stay with her for always, earning him a free pass to anything within her power to give him. But there was one problem. "Say what?"
A wobbly, gap-toothed smile graced his adorable face. "Everything you've been thinking for the past three minutes, and forty-two seconds."
She swallowed hard, her eyes darting between his. "What?"
"You've been speaking to me telepathically. That's how I found you." His mask gathered between his eyes, his smile faltering a bit. "I'm- I'm sorry, I couldn't turn it off, you kind of control it-" His weight shifted to back away and she grabbed his arm, jerking him to her.
Her throat was tight, her cheeks aflame as she replayed her words, her thoughts… But they were true, and pure, and he was there and heard her, felt her the way she felt him. Her heart faltered as she curled her fingers around the tails of his mask, pulling gently. He peered into her with rich amber eyes, gems she would at last lose herself in. Her gaze fell to his trembling lip as he shifted closer, his breath tickling her cheek as their brows met. His arms circled around her waist, tentatively guiding her against him. His whisper greeted her inhale and shot straight through her like hot current. "Please, say it out loud."
Her eyes became blurry, great pressure building in her chest, but she never looked away. "I love you, Donatello."
A shiver rolled through his body and he let out the most perfect laugh, but it was the whistle between his teeth that had her heart tripling in size. She could bear no more. She lifted onto her toes, thrusting her lips against his. He caught her somewhat awkwardly, fumbling to catch up, but he found himself, the way he found her and she trusted that he always would.
