Low once again on money and with their debts as always high, Kazuma and company took on a dangerous quest for the promise of easy money. A kill quest, clear the monsters from a dungeon known as "The Lair of Misfortune". The parchment advertisement laid out on the quest board depicted a cavernous area filled with human skulls with an array of monsters of all types dancing upon the skeletons of fallen heroes. "Seeking the willing, or possibly suicidal, to remove all evil from this dungeon and reclaim this space for the righteous. Those looking for fortunate or an early death may apply.", read the advertisement's text. The reward was 200,000 Eris, leaving Aqua the Water Goddess salivating and bouncing happily.
"Kazuma! Kazuma!"
"We are NOT taking that quest Goddess."
"KazuMAAAAAAAAAA"
A whiny goddess beat her hands on a guild hall table.
"Why do you always deny my chance to escape debt Kazuma, do you want me to live in servitude for the rest of my life?"
"It wouldn't really bother me no."
"YOU EVIL, WORTHLESS, LOWLY ADVENTURER HOW COULD A GODDESS LIKE ME BE YOUR PARTY MEMBER"
She wailed and beat the table harder as other guild members began to look towards them. Getting a feeling of shyness, Darkness spoke up.
"Uhm….it's not that…. I don't like people's eyes peering at me publicly with contempt but..."
"No….are you FUCKING with me Darkness…"
"...P-Perhaps we could take that quest?"
Kazuma stared dumbfounded at the masochistic female knight, his mouth slightly open. A short crimson mage spoke up as well.
"Y-You know I've been dying to test my explosion magic since the last battle…"
"NO GOD, NO DAMN IT"
Now Kazuma was yelling and beating his fists on the table, Aqua flinched. She fell from her seat eyes open in slight fear. Now all eyes in the guild hall were on them, including the waitresses. Feeling the pressure, Kazuma gave in. His hands cupped his face in anguish.
"Okay….we'll do the quest….we'll do this awful quest."
Walking on the green field just adjacent to the entrance of the quest's dungeon, Kazuma and company realize the area itself is crowded with monsters. About 200 meters away surrounding the cavern's opening was a swarm of goblins, ogres, undead, and even a giant feral rabbit.
"We're not even inside the dungeon and already we're in trouble?"
Kazuma yelled these words out to the sky, his internal drama soon after being interrupted by the sound of goofy desperate giggling. To his right was a salivating, embarrassingly excited Darkness.
"H-How….positively…..enthralling….they're everywhere...and and...they're going to p-p-pummel me and rip me to shreds... p-p-perhaps to death!"
Darkness shot out forward from the group, madly giggling as she ran out in the middle of the assortment of enemies. Running fast enough that her visible self soon became just a silhouette amongst the army of monsters that quickly encircled her. Kazuma's mouth stood agape, there was no way she would be able to make it out alive this time. This time, her masochism had cost her life. His face quickly became blank as a convenient realization hit him.
"Ah well, I guess this is more reason to abandon this quest. I'm going home."
He had begun to turn around when a certain crimson mage spoke up.
"NO! I know what I must do! I've been training with Aqua for over a month now just for this occasion!."
"Huh?"
Aqua's face suddenly rose up from the fingernail she had been inspecting on her hand, oblivious and uncaring.
"Training?"
"YES Aqua! Thanks to you I will finally unleash my potential as a Crimson Mage! I've grown even stronger since our encounter with the Destroyer!"
Kazuma stared for a moment attempting to process the situation. It then became clear what was about to happen. Megumin began to twirl her magical staff in preparation. In the distance Kazuma could see a wave of gigantic monsters descending on the tiny silhouette of Darkness.
"W-WAIT MEGUMIN, DARKNESS IS STILL DOWN THERE YOU'RE GOING TO-"
"OH BLACKNESS SHROUDED IN LIGHT…"
"NO WAIT I'M SERIOUS YOU INSANE RED MAGE"
"FRENZIED BLAZE CLAD IN NIGHT…"
"MEGUMIN NO, YOU CRAZY FUCKING WITCH NOOOO"
The sky above them had turned dark and purple, a rings of arcane magical symbols hovered above the point above the gathering of Darkness and her many assailants.
"DARKNESS DARKER THAN BLACK AND BLACKER THAN BLACK"
"MEGUMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN"
"I BESEECH THEE, COMBINE WITH MY DEEP CRIMSON. THE TIME OF AWAKENING COMETH. JUSTICE, FALLEN UPON THE INFALLIBLE BOUNDARY, APPEAR NOW AS AN INTANGIBLE DISTORTION."
"NooooOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"EXPLOOOOOOOOSIONNNNN!"
A point of Megumin's staff and a burst of light unfathomably bright. A blast so loud, Tsar Bomba would be proud. A mushroom cloud so high, it broke the sky. Within that field, an explosion over a 100 times the yield- of any spell prior and a fate so dire for those in the fire. Radioactive rocks fell from the sky like spears, as the image of a certain soviet dictator appeared above overcome with tears. There all life soon perished, none left to be cherished. Not even the grass, though there shone some brass. The armor of a knight now bright, not only with a power greater than the sun, but the amor of Darkness's masochistic ass. In love now not only with the guillotine, but the sweet sight of Megumin. Returning now from the dungeon plate-mail in chars, her eyes shone like gold bars. Love had hit like a fallen dove, whose scorched body hit the ground with prosody.
"...M-Megumin….you did it...I don't know how….but you saved Darkness…. I think… I think I can see her."
From a cloud of dust arose a female figure, laughing maniacally. Her pupils had become solid cartoon hearts. She ran at a sprint, approaching inhumanly fast.
"...Oh God….Oh God that really is her."
Kazuma braced himself, hiding once more in the fox hole he had dug with his bear hands to shield from the blast. A tired, muffled voice responded.
"You...you see…...I told you I could…..save her."
The tiny crimson mage lay face down in the now grassless dirt, too exhausted to move. Luckily, she was soon lifted from the soil by a pair of hands that had traveled suspiciously quickly to her present location. Megumin rose from the ground as an excited woman laughed hysterically.
"M-M-Megumin! I…. I don't even know what to saaaaay! I had no idea you felt that waaaay!"
The Crimson Mage not realizing her situation looked upon Darkness's love struck face. She smiled, proud of her work and thankful to have saved her party member.
"Oh….well I mean it was my intention. I didn't want to see you just go away forever you know?"
"MEEEGUMIN! I'll never leave side as your new bride!"
Before the Crimson Mage could process what was happening or the peculiar choice of words that had entered her ears, she was pulled in for an absolutely brutal kiss. Going far past the lips, nearly entering the little Mage's throat. She could do nothing to resist but for some reason felt no impulse to break away.
And it was at that moment dear friends, dear readers.
That day comrades.
That the little red mage, Megumin
Realized without rage, that she was indeed gay.
