Author's Note: This story was first written yonks ago. I joined up with the Fox forum and made many friends through Firefly. I wrote this story which was then posted on a firefly website but the original was lost and I thought I would re-write it. It's a silly fic really, but I so wanted to do it. There are the usual pairings hinted at…including Rayne.

All characters belong to Joss. This is also un-beta'ed. I do check my work, but I always miss something out, no matter how hard I try.

Do enjoy.

Childhood Wishes

It was the loud wailing scream that woke Jayne Cobb up from his deep peaceful slumber. He bolted up right so quickly that the view of his room blurred through his tired eyes. Despite the fact he was still groggy, his instincts were alert.

He flung off the large blanket that had been covering him and turned to face his arsenal wall. There was a moment that didn't quite register to the merc, but it eventually dawned on him as he went to pick up Vera.

He couldn't reach.

"Huh?"

There was an awful sensation, a feeling of disproportion as he tried again to grab his beloved. He rubbed his eyes and saw that his room was a lot bigger than he was used to. He had to tilt his head back to look at Vera all gleaming and shiny on the top rung of his weapons rack and that made Jayne frown in confusion. If he was to get Vera down, he had to kneel…no stand on his bed to even touch her.

That made no sense at all. He could, in an emergency, snatch up a weapon of his choosing from a lying position and now it was impossible.

The scream came again and after his head snapped round and up to look towards the deck above, Jayne was confused even further. That scream was not from any member of the crew, it wasn't even any scream from a person he recognised. It had a very high pitched wailing sound to it.

Jayne had to act.

He jumped to his feet and grabbed once again for Vera.

Jayne used to be able to lift his favourite girl easily with one hand, but as he touched at the cool smoothness of Vera's metal body she didn't even budge. A sharp pang of worry and fear jabbed in his chest. Jayne looked down and saw that his hand looked strange too. It wasn't at all like his big strong hand that could snap a man's neck or break bones with a single punch; it was tiny, weak and his fingers were short and chubby.

"What the gorram…?"

Jayne jumped back in shock, his foot caught the edge of his bed and he went falling with a crash to the ground. The pain of the harsh metal floor was an agony so intense that to his horror, he started to cry.

Jayne Cobb doesn't cry just because he falls out of bed! He is a man who could take any sharp blow to his face and body in a fight. He had been shot and stabbed and he'd even had his own knackers kicked pulled and abused (hmmm some of them in a not completely horrible way mind) and not once did he cry. He yelled in a manly way and cussed as was expected, but never did he get all girly and start sobbing.

But here he was. Dazed on the floor and sitting naked on his blanket with tears trickling down his face. He was a wuss! How the gorram hell did that happen?

Jayne snarled, determined that he wasn't going to be such a soppy wet blanket and went to wipe the tears away from his cheek; but as soon as his fingers stroked his face another horrible problem arose.

The next scream came from Jayne. It was a scream loud and full of heart breaking agony, it was a full on wail of despair with tears running from his stinging eyes like a waterfall. His wide open mouth howled with anguish and it fuelled the tears on. It also didn't help with the stream of snot that trickled from his nose.

Not even the thudding on his bunk hatch stopped him from crying. The trauma was too much and even when the hatch opened he couldn't focus.

"I'm gonna kill YA!!"

The voice cut through Jayne's squalls and with panting sobs he starred in disbelief at the child standing above him.

The little boy could only have been three or four years old; he had a mass of sandy brown hair and was wearing a dark red shirt with beige pants, which were held up with black braces. However the long brown coat was far too big for the boy. It pooled around his feet and the sleeves must have been rolled back more than five times. The boy was angry, his face was flushed with red and the little nostrils of his nose flared just like:

"Mal?"

The name that came from his mouth wasn't in his normal voice. Jayne's deep husky and intimidating tones were replaced by a squeaky frightened sound, a sound that scared him beyond belief.

"This is your fault." said Mal Reynolds. In any other circumstances, the youthful pitch of his voice would have been funny, but Jayne didn't find any of this remotely amusing. "I don't know what exactly happened, but I know it was because of what you said!! This is your doing, your fault and I swear by the stretchy braces that are keeping up my pants, you will make this right!! Dong ma?"

It was Mal. The words were just what he would say, but it was too weird sounding in a child's voice. Everything was overwhelming, Jayne was trying hard to breathe from such an impossible situation, but the chaos and confusion churning in his (little) head was choking him.

"Mal? What's happenin'? Why can't I reach Vera? Why's ma beard gone?!"

"It's because of what you did!" snapped the tiny Captain. "Now, get something on! Then get up to the mess hall! You ain't the only one that's been affected by this!"

Jayne felt like crying. Mal's harsh and cruel words actually hurt his feelings and his bottom lip began to quiver. He watched with sore wet eyes as the little Malcolm Reynolds attempted to climb up the ladder to the hatch.

Mal cussed and swore as the long brown coat kept getting beneath his boots and through the hisses of Mandarin; Jayne knew that Mal was cursing him. Eventually the captain left and Jayne heard some loud thuds as Mal tripped up on his coat, no doubt falling flat on his face.

Jayne didn't understand why he had woken in this strange and impossible condition. He was just like Mal, reverted to the physical size of a four year old, reverted to a helpless weak kid that couldn't pick up a weapon.

Sobbing, Jayne gazed up at Vera still sitting on her rack and a keening wailed in his throat. He didn't realise that he had brought his hand up to his mouth, nor did he care that he slipped his thumb into it and started sucking. The sobs turned to cries again. He was alone, youthed and so scared. If Mal had said this was his fault, the others wouldn't take kindly to it either. He had no one.

Jayne screamed once again, his mouth full of thumb, dripping tears and oozing snot.

"I want my ma!!!"


THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

The crew of the firefly Serenity may have been an odd and bizarre group of people to some, but that was nothing to what Mal Reynolds was looking at now.

There were no adults here. Only eight four year old children, all in various states of confusion, amusement and worry.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

Directly across from Mal, Inara was wearing a long red dress; a matching shawl was wrapped around her shoulders but like Mal's coat it seemed too big. Her long ebony black hair was in their usual curls all loose and trailing down her back, but she wasn't wearing make-up. To him, Inara still looked beautiful without it.

She was worried, but as she sat in the chair with her feet dangling over the edge, she poised with such grace and strength that it helped with his own anxieties. A little bit.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

His merc was still trying to scramble up onto his chair. Why he hadn't put any clothes on and insisted upon coming to the mess hall in just his large blanket, Mal hadn't a clue. But it was amusing to see the little Jayne trying to get up, only tangling his feet and legs in the attempt.

"So what's going on?"

Mal heard the voice of his first mate, but instead he watched as the Shepherd waddled over to Jayne and placed his hands on the merc's bottom. He then pushed and aided Jayne to scramble up onto the chair. Once Jayne settled and arranged the blanket so his body was covered, he smiled fondly at the dark skinned boy.

Book scratched at his afro hair and grinned back at Jayne before jumping up onto the chair next to him. Out of all of the crew, Mal suspected that the Shepherd would be more comfortable and happy in this condition. Derrial Book was the eldest of the crew, a man well into his sixties and this was no doubt an opportunity to relive his younger days. The shepherd nodded towards Mal and then began to swing his legs from side to side.

"What's goin' on?" Mal didn't know how or even where to begin this "family" meeting. As far as he was concerned, this phenomenon wasn't possible. It was physically and inconceivably impossible, but he couldn't deny that it had happened. "I haven't a clue."

THUNK. .

"Well…we all now have the physicality of four year olds." said Simon, as he sat crossed legged on his own chair. He winced as a small piece of cereal grain flew across the room and hit him on the head.

There was a chorus of sniggers from Jayne, Wash and River, but he responded by sticking out his tongue.

"You bunch of boobs!" he sneered.

"Bunch of boobies!" Wash chirped up, sniggering again behind his hand. Jayne snorted with laughter too and then bunged another piece of cereal at the doctor.

"It seems that our physical appearances are not the only things that have changed." said Zoë nudging at her husband. Wash still laughing at Jayne throwing the cereal, gently stroked his foot against her leg in response.

"Will you tell that ape to stop throwing these things at me?!" wailed Simon as he tried to pick out the pieces that had fallen down inside his waist coat.

"Jayne. Stoppit." Zoë's stern voice to the merc made him snarl. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and crossed his arms over his chest, huffing with clear distaste.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

"I have retained all my medical knowledge and my memories. I'm assuming that everyone still has their experiences intact?"

Everyone nodded. Another cereal grain bounced off Simon's head, but he didn't notice, though he did wonder why the others, including the Captain, were laughing again.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.

"Kaylee, will ya quit it?!" Mal yelled. "Yer makin' my head hurt!"

The ship's mechanic let her thumb slip out of her mouth and cradled the wrench she had been hitting on the table to her chest. She just grinned at her captain and rocked in her chair.

Mal noticed that Kaylee looked very sweet in her tiny dungarees and flowery grease stained blouse. Her feet were bare and her long brown hair just spilled in bouncing curls around her shoulders. Her cheery grinning face had a few grease marks smeared on to it, but she didn't seem bothered.

If Kaylee was cheerful as sunshine as an adult, it intensified a hundred times now that she looked four years old.

"We're behaving a little childlike though. I know we're really adults, but can anyone else resist…y'know…playin' around? " asked Zoë, stroking at her long single plat with both her hands. The rest of the crew certainly understood what she was trying to say as they all felt it too. They wanted to be serious and get to the bottom of this problem, but at the same time, there was this overwhelming desire to go and play.

In a very un-Zoë like way, the first mate began to roll her tongue all around the inside of her mouth, making her cheeks bulge out; then she crossed her eyes to see if she could touch the end of her nose with that very same tongue.

"This is just plain weird an' all, Captain." she said smiling when her wet tip stroked her nose.

"Can ya stick ya tongue right up yer nostril?!" asked Jayne, picking up another cereal grain from the bowl in front of him and lobbing it across the room. "I can! Look!"

"Ugh! I don't want to look!" yelled Simon. "And stop throwing the cereal at me!!"

"Make me, ya ji bai!"

"Jayne! Stop it!" shouted Mal.

"How many of these do you think we can stuff our noses?!" asked Wash picking from the bowl as well. The two "boys" laughed again and both reached out to grab handfuls of the cereal.

"No one is going to stuff things up their noses!" snapped Mal, slamming his hand on the table. "Ay ya, tian ah! We're not gorram kids! Can we please try and be the adults we really are?"

Everyone nodded sheepishly.

"How did we get like this?" asked Inara breaking the uncomfortable silence that had filled the room. "Who did it to us?"

"It is the work of beings from another world." said Book clasping his hands together.

"Huh?"

"Clearly nothing in our universe can make this happen."

"You talkin' bout spirits and fairies?!" asked Kaylee squishing her wrench against her as if it was a teddy bear "Oh that's so shiny!"

"I didn't mean it quite like that." said the preacher.

"I'm not thinking our situation is the workin's of mischievous elves and pixies either, Kaylee." said Mal, flapping his long sleeves on his coat as they slipped over his hands.

"But it could be fairies? Right?"

"I don't think so, sweetie." said Inara patting the mechanic's knee.

"So what could it be?"

"I'm thinkin' that it's the works of a big foul mouthed merc." sneered the Captain.

All eyes turned to Jayne.

"What?!" Jayne jumped back away from the table, nearly tipping his chair back. "Ya think I did this?! I ain't no ruttin' fairy!"

There was a snigger from next to Simon.

River had remained silent through all this conversation. She chuckled and laughed at their strange childish behaviours, but most of the time her wide brown eyes inspected with wonder at how large everything was. Now, as she chewed on the ends of her hair, she locked her stare onto Jayne as he tugged tighter at his blanket.

"Jayne with wings." she said, swaying. "Casting spells and dancing in his tutu!"

The laughter that followed was not at all hilarious to the naked boy and he angrily swiped his hand knocking the bowl of cereal to the floor. It took only one angry glare from Inara and then in an even bigger huff, Jayne slipped to the floor and began to tidy up his mess.

"Mal, I don't think Jayne or any of us are capable of something like this." said Inara.

"Darned straight!"

"The Lady on the moon." River's head flopped back and she stared at the ceiling in a daze. She giggled as she knew they were all looking at her in surprise. "The foul nasty words offended the Lady. She did it."

The last job they had had gone well and as it was the beginning of the settler's two week festival of music, the crew had stayed to take part in the celebrations. There had been lots of dancing, eating and more than a fair share of drinking. Mal suspected that Jayne may have upset the wrong person. Again.

"She's a witch!" said Jayne nearly ripping his blanket in half with an angry tug. "I knew it! She cast some witchin' spell on us all!"

"Witches aren't real." scoffed Kaylee, laughing a little before looking worried. "Are they?"

"Sure they are! We got one sittin' at our gorram table! No wonder the little Moonbrain took a likin' to that weird crazy woman! Crazy attracts crazy don't it?!!"

A high pitched whine keened and the crew all looked at the tiny River girl with concern. Her eyes were filling with tears, her bottom lip was trembling and her tiny little hands were clenching tightly at the folds of her light red dress. Then when it was clear that she couldn't keep in the hurt she felt from Jayne's words, she began to cry with all her might.

Simon and Inara immediately rushed to River's side and tried to settle her with hugs.

"Jayne! That was so mean!" snapped Inara. "Why on earth-that-was would you say such a thing?!"

"Because it's true!" Jayne snapped back, his face scrunched up in clear distaste as River's wailing sobs pitched even higher. "She's a gorram feng le witch that can melt a man's mind and…she's ruttin' flipped!"

"Stoppit!" Simon yelled. "You big deficient ape!"

"Defi-what?!"

"You are a monkey brained poop head!"

"What cha just call me, ya ruttin' ji ba?"

The screaming and the yelling continued. Everyone was trying to either calm down River and stop her from crying or were yelling at Jayne. Mal was definitely getting a headache with all this going on. River wasn't shutting up and neither was Jayne who as more people yelled at him, was getting just as upset.

"Why ya'll gangin' up on me?! It ain't fair!! Mal! Tell 'em to stop yellin' at me!"

"You made, River cry!" said Inara.

"Hell, it's not that hard to do!"

"Mal will you tell him to stop being a complete bai chi?!"

The pounding throbbing pain in his head was more than he could handle. Malcolm Reynolds slumped his head against the table and wrapped his arms around it in an attempt to block out the painful auditory attacks.

It got worse when Kaylee started crying, no doubt because she tended to get very attached and attuned to people, especially the youngest Tam sibling. Mal couldn't take it any longer; his head felt like it was going to explode.

"Wash!" Mal shot up from the table and jumped off the chair. When he landed he tripped on the hem of his coat, which sent him staggering into the kitchen counter. The pilot sniggered. "Dammit! Wash, take Serenity back to the moon! Do it soon and like…now! I want to be an adult again! And for the love of sanity and good peace…will all you sobbing nancies jus' shut up?!?!"

There was silence except for the little sniffles and sobs from the two girls and Jayne. Zoë went to Mal's side and helped him stand up straight. He may have the body of a child, but the expression on his face was all Captain. The man inside was getting gravely angry and frustrated at being so helpless.

"This ain't too great…is it, sir?" she asked as Mal hitched up the long trails of his brown coat.

"Not in the slightest."

"Do you have a plan on what you're going to do?"

"Plan? No. An idea…yeah. We're going to that moon to get the Lady to change us back."

"If it was her and if she can, sure. In the mean time?"

Mal turned and looked at his crew. Inara and Simon were still holding onto River, comforting her and soothing her out of her distress. Kaylee had picked up her wrench from the table and was now polishing it with the flowery sleeve of her blouse. Wash was nibbling on the cereal grains, looking at everyone with a cheery amused grin on his face and offering a few to the preacher next to him. Book declined, instead opting to touch at his fluffy hair and at the smooth skin on his face. Jayne, with the bed sheet completely wrapped around his shoulders was in a mood, there were tears in his eyes as well, but the angry pissed off expression was all too clear.

"In the mean time?" Mal breathed in a deep inhalation and heavily sighed. "Wash! Didcha not hear the "Gettin' us back to the moon, now" order I gave ya?"

"Oh! Right! Flyin' to the moon comin' right up!" The boy with the blinding bright coloured shirt clapped his hands together and slipped off his chair with a cool effortless ease. Then he did a strange little dance and strode out of the mess hall.

"Captain?" Zoë stepped aside as Mal then stormed past her. She caught hold of his arm, nearly pulling off his coat. "What are you going to do now, sir?

"I am going to do my Captain-y thing away from all this cryin' and childish behaviour!" said Mal, snorting at the others. "I'm gonna build myself a fort in the cargo bay!"

"Oooh shiny!" cried Jayne, beaming a huge hopeful grin. "Can I play?!"

TBC