Madison Rhodes-Levesque sat at the kitchen table in the home she shared with her husband, Paul. To the world, he was known as the Kings of Kings; the Cerebral Assassin; the Game. To her, he was just Paul. The man she had fallen in love with very unexpectedly over five years ago. She still loved him with every fiber of her being. She just wasn't sure those feelings were reciprocated anymore. To her, at least, it sure didn't feel like it.
As she sat at the table, she had her favorite Martina McBride CD playing. Music had always helped her with emotions and dealing with those emotions for as long as she could remember. As she listened to the lyrics of the song "How Far", she was overwhelmed with emotions she hadn't felt before. So overwhelmed, in fact, that she pulled out a notebook of paper and wrote the lyrics down in a note to Paul with the hope that the song would inspire her to fully express how she felt as of late.
Paul – my love,
I honestly don't think you'll ever know how much I love you. And I honestly don't think I could ever find the words to express just how much I truly love you. That is what makes this probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my lifetime, but it's inevitable.
When we started dating three years ago, I knew what you did for a living and everything that came along with it. I accepted it because it was your dream and a part of you, especially after we got married. I have always thought that that's what you do when you love and care about somebody. And I have always told you that I would never ask you to change your dreams or who you are. Lately, though, I feel like even though we've been together all that time – which I have and will always cherish - and we live in the same house, we have grown apart and we're total strangers. I also feel like you've changed and that I don't even know you anymore. I cannot imagine my life without you, but to be honest, I cannot live with a man that I don't even recognize anymore. I look at you lately, and I don't see the man I fell in love with anymore. I am not saying this to hurt you. I just want you to know how I feel. I know this is probably not the best way to handle or say this, but I have to say goodbye. These are lyrics to a song that I heard on the radio and thought it fit our situation. Please read them and think about what I've said:
There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's the train, there's the track
I could leave and I could choose not to come back
Oh never come back
There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am, begging you try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh when's it gonna end
Chorus:
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away and it's up to you to say how far
There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide what you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
repeat chorus
Out of this chair, or just across the room
Just around the block, or halfway to the moon
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
Yeah I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far
Love, Maddie
P.S. I want you to know I will love you and will always be there for you no matter what happens. In the meantime, though, I think it's best if l leave the house. That way, we both have time to think.
As soon as Madison finished writing the note, she set it on the kitchen table. She stood from her chair and pushed in it as took one last look around the house, then walked over to the door and grabbed her things. She closed the door behind her, loaded her car up, and pulled out of the driveway with a heavy heart. There was only one place she knew she wanted to be right at that moment, and that was her sister and brother-in-law's.
