Oh no! Another Random Bits!! A big 'Thank You!!' to everyone who has read and/or offered advice, and for putting up with my erratic updates. As always, please alert me to typos and other problems as soon as possible. As far as explaining this fic, I was just bored and thinking about how I have never kept a diary... Anyway, happy reading!
Random Bits 15
Chapter 1
Setting: Yuna and company are helping the Al Bhed rebuild Home. With supplies running low, Tidus and Rikku volunteer to go with Cid and Brother to buy more. Unfortunately, after annoying Cid, Tidus and Brother are made to stay on the airship.
Bikanel Island - Dwelling Depot - Inside the airship. With Rikku out of the way, Brother enlists Tidus' help in searching Rikku's quarters for her diary.
Tidus backed into the door, hormones reeling with the overpowering essence of 'girl'. The guest quarters were, in Tidus' experience, small like most hotel, ship and train quarters. The furnishings were sparse and included an unsteady chair, a lumpy and badly stained mattress that someone had probably been murdered on (and most likely had its own ecosystem), and a rug that smelled like an outhouse on a hot summer's afternoon. Oh, and a single flickering light bulb suspended at forehead height.
What lay on the other side of the door, however, was a whole other dimension. It had the standard issue bunk, but the mattress looked quite comfortable and the bedclothes were a cheerful pastel yellow with one too many ruffles. The bed was currently being inhabited by a tribe of stuffed animals, whose beady eyes glittered with hostility at the two intruders. A net suspended in a corner contained the rest of the clan. The young blitz ball player wondered what they had done wrong. They had probably been caught snooping around too.
The walls were a patchwork of posters featuring the latest boy bands, teen idols, and hot machina mechanics. The Front Sidewalk Guys (Official Sand Blasted, Blazing Sin, and Back Home album posters) competed for space with Jett Wrench (the youngest machina pro ever, duh!), 1000 degrees (from their On Fira, Sand Storm, and Machina Revolution albums), and The Blast (from their Blow It Up Good single). There were spaces between some of the posters that had been left oddly bare.
"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Tidus quavered uneasily, a stuffed Tonberry staring at him with silent menace. "I mean, what if she finds out?"
"Bah! I do this all the time. Relax." Brother returned to busily digging through a small trashcan at the foot of the ruffle infested bed.
"Wow!" Brother suddenly gasped, "I can't believe she threw away her NoSync posters. Girls!" he grunted dismissively, dropping the crumpled papers back into the can. "Start looking," he instructed, "Her diary is in here somewhere."
"Uh…Okay." Tidus replied, nervously watching a multicolor carpet between the bed and a small dressing table. It was one of those hairy ones that looked like it had been ripped off the back of a mammoth. It reminded the teen of Kimahri's back. Edging around the carpet (incase it was still alive) he headed to the dressing table , which looked more promising. After a bad moment when he became entangled in a decorative flower mobile, he finally made it to his goal.
The former Abes star contemplated the monstrosity squatting before him. It was pink, yellow and green, with flower shaped knobs and a huge mirror. There was the classic powder puff, cans of hair products, jewelry, box of hair accessories , knick-knacks, and a small unfinished machina that was leaking grease on its bed of NoSync newspaper clippings. Carefully, so as not to contract 'cooties', Tidus searched the dressing table.
The first two drawers contained cosmetics, more hair accessories, jewelry, and machina parts and tools. A third drawer held those strange miscellaneous items that tend to mysteriously appear like rubber bands, paperclips, pens, brushes, expired coupons, photos of people you don't remember meeting at places you don't remember having been to, doing things you don't remember doing, string, broken bits of knick-knacks, and the dried out exoskeletons of small dead insects that crawled in when the drawer was opened. Finding no diary in these drawers, Tidus moved to the fourth. It contained all of Rikku's panties.
"Uh…" said Tidus, voice heavy with uncertainty, his 'Shoulder Fayths' prodding him in different directions. Go for it! Dive right in!
No! You can't just dig through a young woman's undergarments. Its shameful!
Shoulder Fayth, Spira's equivalent of the Shoulder Angel. Everyone has a Good one and a Bad one and they are constantly at war to keep you on or off the moral path. Got one of those right or wrong choices to make? If you listen real close, you can hear them whispering in your ears as they try to convince you to listen to them. Both present good arguments, like 'it's the right thing to do' and 'It'll be fun. No one will know.' Most people side with the Bad Fayth because he can get you instant gratification, a cheap thrill, and a few nights in jail with a giant of a cell mate named Big Bubba (which wasn't part of the deal). He can also do cool things like hop up and down on one foot while singing 'I'm a Small Tea Kettle'.
Brother grumbled to himself and crawled out from under the bed empty handed. He had checked everywhere, even under the furniture to make sure Rikku hadn't taped her diary to the underside. There were no suspicious lumps behind any of the posters, in the mattress, pillows, stuffed animals, or hidden behind any of the light fixtures. He was about to give up when he heard Tidus' grunt.
"Did you find it?" he asked excitedly as he hurried over, oblivious to the moral battle being waged by the boy's Shoulder Fayth.
"No." Tidus' reply came in the slow tones of someone deep in thought, "But we've looked everywhere else, right?" Both Y's gazed down at the open drawer of brightly colored panties. They seemed to leer back.
Brother silently sidled behind Tidus and nudged him closer. "Well, go ahead."
"Why me? She's your sister."
"That's why I can't touch them." the Al Bhed boy squawked in reply as the two of them tried to shuffle behind each other.
"What!? Why not?" Tidus gave Brother a shove towards the table. Brother had no ready reply and he stammered in panic as several brain cells madly banged together in an attempt to form a feasible excuse. "Don't you know that if you touch little sister's underwear you break out in hives and arms wither up and drop off?" he nearly wailed in response.
Tidus stopped struggling and peered at him suspiciously. He didn't have a sister, but most of the girls he knew, knew magic and could probably cast some super secret spells to protect their intimate apparel from raiding males. In desperation he sputtered, "But you don't want some guy you hardly know touching your little sister's panties, do you?" There was a moment of silence, in which they both stared tensely at each other, Tidus wildly hoping that the Al Bhed's Big Brother instincts would kick in.
The two Y's eyes were drawn to the opened drawer and its forbidden contents. Some of the garments could only be described as distressingly sparse, as if the manufacturers had run out of material and had to use what was left…elastic. The end result made the sumo loincloth look conservative and could have easily been achieved with a pack of waxed dental floss, and have a similar function. Brother fought desperately against his Big Brother instincts as they treacherously rose, reminding himself that the human posterior was the second dirtiest orifice of the body and the panties were in essence glorified butt floss. He fought bravely, but his instincts kicked into high gear when Tidus (the devious little Sin Spawn) grinned down at the panties.
Brother sagged in defeat, scowling at Tidus as he shooed his accomplice out of the way. "You can do it man!" the blond grunted encouragingly. Rikku's brother mugged fiercely at the panties and snarled wordlessly. He did a little posturing just to show that he wasn't intimidated, but they silently ignored the bravado. With a final defiant growl Brother plunged his hand into the drawer and ferreted around frantically, his face puckering in a grimace of utter agony.
"Hang in there!" Tidus encouraged excitedly, while the Al Bhed boy twisted around in a manner that suggested all of his will was going into keeping his hand in the drawer. While his iron will was going into keeping his hand where it didn't want to be, his body was making a run for it while his brain had its back turned. Brother whimpered, fingers scrabbling desperately, then yanked his hand out with a cry of triumph.
"Got it!"
Ladies, lock up your panties!! Er... unless you own buttfloss. No one would really want to touch something that spends its time wedged between your lower cheeks. It brings a new kind of terror to the term 'wet farts'. (Mwahahahah! Try and get rid of that mental image!)
