Disclaimer: I don't own Kagome or Inuyasha.
Shadow of a Memory
I watch from my safe spot within the trees as you embrace eachother. I heard you finally convince your love to her, again. I heard you confess how you loved me like a younger sister, as a friend, nothing more. Why Inuyasha? Why am I not good enough for you? Why do you put up with me then? Tell me Inuyasha, because I don't know the answer.
I wish I did though. Then maybe this wouldn't be so painful. You don't treat me like a little sister, you treated me live a lover would. Inuyasha, I curse you. How dare you make me feel this pain? I gave you my heart Inuyasha. I thought that was clear to you. I thought you understood that, I thought you felt the same way about me.
Tell me Inuyasha, how long? How long have you been feeding me with your lies? Your lies of fake love? I want to know. I want to know how long you've been seeing her like this. After that battle with Naraku's little puppets, you haven't been the same. You always snuck off, saying you were just going on a walk. But, you weren't were you?
You were with her. How I hate her. I don't care if I am her stupid reincarnation. Inuyasha, is that why you keep me around? Because of her. All for her. Inuyasha, you still love her? After all she's done to you! How? Why? I want to scream at you, tell you how stupid you are! How can you love someone who has tried to kill you multiple times, has tried to kill me? How Inuyasha? How?
Inuyasha, she is dead now. Accept that. Accept that she is not the same Kikyou you once knew. Or, is she? When she is around you, all alone, is she the Kikyou you once knew? What is the Kikyou you once knew Inuyasha? What was she like? What made you fall in love with her? Do you still see what you saw in her fifty years ago.
Inuyasha, I know nothing of your past with Kikyou. Except for that Naraku tricked you both into hating eachother. Kikyou ended up dying and you were pinned to that tree for fifty. Until I found you. Inuyasha, that was the best day of my life. When I saw you, I saw my first true love. That's right Inuyasha. I've been in love with you since the beginning.
It was downhill from there. For I started loving you more and more each day, than she came into the picture. She came back into your life and I saw a side of you I'd never seen, never known. I still don't know it today. I don't know what you feel on the inside Inuyasha. What is going on in your mind? Are you thinking about her day and night? Are you thinking about the past?
Inuyasha, why can't you let go? That is the past, this is the present. Inuyasha, I could be your love. I would love you so much Inuyasha. I would never betray you, never. I promise. But, you don't love me. You never have, and you never will Inuyasha. While that may be true, I will always love you. Never will I love another like I loved you.
I look back up at you two. I look at Kikyou. She still hasn't seen or sensed me yet. She looks different. Her eyes, those sad, lonely brown depths, aren't the same. They are a filled with love, love for you, and happiness. And your eyes, your eyes are filled with undenying love for her, not for me. You look different when you're with her Inuyasha. You're so much more relaxed, so much more calm and gentle. Is this who you really are Inuyasha? Is this the true you only a few can bring out?
I guess so. I've never seen you like this. You're holding her so gently, so tenderly, so lovingly. I hate you right now Inuyasha. I hate you because you love her and not me. I deserve your love, for I am alive, she is not. Why can't you see that Inuyasha? Or, do you? Do you see the difference between her and me? Do you just not care? Do you not care that she is dead? Do you love her all the same? Do you not care that I am alive?
Inuyasha, I am tired of this. I am tired of having to feel this pain. Inuyasha, I don't want to love you, but I can't stop myself. I wouldn't be the same without you. I want to stop loving you, I don't want to feel this sorrow, this emptiness that I am feeling inside. I want to move on. I want to be able to operate without you there.
The truth is though, I can't. I can't imagine you not being there anymore Inuyasha. And I absolutely hate it. I hate not being as independent as I used to be. Inuyasha, please, come to me. Forget about Kikyou. Forget about that past love. How I wish you would do that. How I wish you would realize just how much I love you.
But, you never will Inuyasha. Watching you two being just content in being in eachother's embrace, not doing or saying anything, tells me everything. She is your love, she is the one your heart longs for, the one who completes your soul. My Inuyasha, I'll always love you, but I will never understand how you work.
Kikyou, I will never understand you either. I will never understand how you feel about Inuyasha, about me, and about everyone else. I will never understand what the pain in your heart is like. I will never understand, and I don't want to.
I will leave you two alone now. I realize that no matter how hard I try, you two can never stop loving eachother. When Inuyasha comes back from his visit with you Kikyou, I won't yell at him. I won't sit him. I won't do anything to him. I promise. I won't give you dirty looks anymore Kikyou. I won't pray for you to die. I will even let you travel with us if you wish.
I realize now, that just because I love Inuyasha doesn't mean he has to love me. I will give up on pursuing him. I will try to control my feelings and my heart. Even though this hurts more than anything I've ever felt. I can't believe I let myself fall in love with you. I can't believe I let myself be devoted to you. I can't believe I even tried to make you love me. For you can't. Your heart won't let you. You couldn't bring yourself to betray Kikyou.
I may be her reincarnation, but I am not Kikyou. Everyone else seems to think we must be the same person. We aren't. We may look a little bit like eachother, but we are not the other. I am not Kikyou, and Kikyou is not me. I don't care what everyone else says or thinks. I may have a bit of her soul, and I may have her spiritual powers. But, I will never ne Kikyou. I think Inuyasha sees this. He sees I am not Kikyou and so he loves her still. I am nothing to the rest of the world. At least to him I am a somebody, but to the world I am forever following Kikyou. I am nothing but the shadow of a memory named Kikyou.
One thing: I don't really like Kagome. I don't like seeing her and Inuyasha together. Sorry if that offends anyone. I love the Inuyasha and Kikyou relationship however. Those two belong together, in my opinion anyway. If you find that offensive as well, I'm sorry. Please, no flames. Please review! Thanks!
