AN: I wrote this on a whim. Imagine it like a show that you're watching. If you're offended by an opinion expressed in my writings, please don't take it badly. I'm just trying to represent the characters' personalities through words. Hope you enjoy!


Keeping Up With The Avengers (Season Premiere)

[Intro: Meet The Cast]

We see the back of Clint Barton's head as he walks into one of Avenger's Mansion's many rec rooms, where Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff and Steve Rogers are playing Monopoly on the carpeted floor.

"I still don't understand! Why do I have to build houses before making a hotel?" Steve is asking, scratching his golden head. Wanda is laughing, and she laughs even harder when Bruce Banner pauses his meditation in the corner to expel a loud sigh.

"You just do!" Sam exclaims. "Follow the rules! I thought you were a good boy!" Steve reaches over to push Sam, but Sam scoots away just in time. "Can't catch the Falcon, Golden Boy!" He then goes on to make a sound distinctly similar to that of a chicken's, and flaps his arms, much to Wanda's amusement.

"That's not how a falcon sounds," Bucky Barnes mutters from the armchair he's sitting in. He's reading a hardcover copy of 25 Easy and Quick Recipes For Your Hungry Friend, and has his stubbled chin propped up under his metal arm like he always does ("It never gets tired that way!").

He looks up as Clint sits next to Natasha Romanoff on the squishy red leather sofa, from where Tony Stark is also scraping a disgusting amount of dust off the TV console. "Hey, Clint," Bucky says. "Did you bring back any plums?"

"No, sorry." Clint shakes his head. "But I did bring back something - someone - special!" At this announcement, everyone's attention promptly turned to Clint.

"Clint, you would literally recruit a pigeon and say it has potential to fly," Natasha says, fixing him with a dead stare.

"No, no." Clint stands up, brushing off his denim jeans, and addressing the whole room now. "She's someone I met at the Jeremy Renner concert the other night." At this, Tony rolls his eyes.

"You mean the concert that I paid for? All 2000 dollars of it?" Tony crosses his arms grinning.

"Yes, well," Clint shoots Tony a sheepish look and continues. "She's a movie producer and a director. I got to talk with her for a bit after the concert aaaaaand..."

Steve raises his eyebrows warily.

"And she wants to work with us. Guys, we're getting our own reality TV show!"

"Oh, shit," Tony says stoically.

"Wait, what?" Sam lays down on his back on the floor, spreading his arms out, and staring at the high ceiling.

"What's a reality tee-vee show again?" Bucky says, his eyebrows quirking in a display of confusion. Steve walks over and whispers in his ear. "Ooohhhh," Bucky exclaims, nodding knowingly.

Wanda tugs at her hair nervously. "I don't know. I don't like cameras." Bruce emphatically nods his agreement.

"What does Fury think about this?" Natasha asks.

"He doesn't care, as long as we don't turn into the Kardashians. Exact words, I kid you not," Clint replies. "Are you guys up for meeting her at least?"

There is a terse five-minute discussion that ensues, during which many words are thrown about, a threat is made, an argument about whether or not beans give you indigestion takes place, and ultimately everyone is in unanimous agreement.

Clint walks out the door, and after a few seconds returns with a young Asian woman in her twenties. She is neither tall nor short, yet when she strides in in her combat boots and bomber jacket, her presence fills the room.

Shaking her shaggy brown hair out of her face, she extends a hand to Steve who is standing nearest to her. "Hullo, I'm Christine Park," She says with a warm smile. They shake hands, and Steve is surprised by how strong her handshake is. "Clint has already informed you all about my proposal, I take it?"

"Yes," Steve says, nodding slowly. "Thank you for giving us this opportunity. But I do wish to go over certain arrangements before we begin." Tony grunts in agreement.

"Absolutely. My crew and I consist of only the four of us, and we have minimum equipment. Additionally, you guys have your rights to privacy and I want you all to read this contract..." At this, Christine moves her navy North Face backpack so that it's slung on her shoulders in front of her, and pulls out a stack of packets. Clint passes them out to each member of the group.

"Legal qualifications for standardised production regarding copyright infringement?" Reading the words out slowly, Bucky raises his hand.

"Uh, yes?" Christine says, pointing to him. "Young man in the green t-shirt," She says, laughing.

Bucky blushes slightly, and Christine walks over to help him go over the filming jargon, while the others pair off and discuss parts of the contract.

Once more, many words are exchanged and the beans argument surfaces again ("But the song goes beans, beans, the magic fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!"). However, everyone is happy in the end with their revised contract, the pages marked with so many red slashes and circles and re-written portions that it's hard to make out the original.


Off-screen voice: "So, are you excited for the show?"

Sam Wilson (red henley; white background): "I don't know, man. I wanted to be an actor when I was little, but after all the publicity we got for, you know, being us, it could go both ways."

Off-screen voice: "Hmm ok. I have here that you were part of a special ops mission for the government some years ago before you were discharged? That's pretty cool."

Sam (shifting weight on the chair; sad chuckle): "Yeah. I guess so."

Off-screen voice: "Oh! I see that Riley Jordan was your partner for that mission! He's a total legend!"

Sam (covering face with hand): "Sorry. Can you give me... a second..."

Off-screen voice: "Oh sorry. No problem."


Natasha Romanoff (white GAP t-shirt; brown background): "I suppose I'm happy for this opportunity. It'll really give the people something to relate to. Show that we're not all some superhumans that don't sleep or eat or feel emotions."

Off-screen voice: "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Definitely."


Off-screen voice: "So you're the famous - well, should I say, infamous? - Tony Stark, huh."

Tony Stark (grinning): "Yup, that's me. Your favourite genius billionaire playboy philanthropist."

Off-screen voice: "How do you feel about the show?"

Tony: "Well, damn. I've been waiting for this offer. I'm surprised no one has ever asked me before."

Off-screen voice: "I'm sure they have their reasons."


Steve Rogers (sitting on a couch next to Bucky Barnes; perfect posture, straight back, hands in lap): "I remember watching the old black and white reels in the movie theatres. This is going to be some adjusting for me."

Bucky Barnes (hair tied back in a bun; cracking a smile): "Yeah haha. I never thought that we'd get this far in film. It's pretty amazing."

Steve: "Hey, Buck, remember when I got beat up in the alley next to that old theatre?"

Bucky: "Sure do, buddy. Those were good times, good times."

(Both men gaze off solemnly, reminiscing over the past.)


Wanda Maximoff (fidgeting): "I love television, but I also only watched them with... *voice breaks* my brother."

Off-screen voice: "Turn the camera off."


Off-screen voice: "You're pretty low-key, aren't you, Dr Banner?"

Bruce Banner (button up shirt tucked into belted jeans): "Yea, yea. I try to keep myself and my green friend out of the public eye."

Off-screen voice: "And how's that going for you?"

Bruce Banner: "Staying out of the press, you mean? Not going well."


Clint Barton (very scholarly looking gold-rimmed glasses perched on his shapely nose; looking very invigorated): "I'm pumped!"


From: Deputy Director M. Hill

To: Director N. Fury

Subject: Re: Keeping Up With The Avengers

You've got to be kidding me. People watch that shit?


From: Director N. Fury

To: Deputy Director M. Hill

Subject: Re: re: Keeping Up With The Avengers

Yes, they do, Maria. And I advise that you keep up with it, as you may very well be questioned about it by the press. I'm cc-ing the publicity manager.


From: Deputy Director M. Hill

To: Director N. Fury

Subject: Re: re: Keeping Up With The Avengers

Fine. You owe me all the hours I'm going to be spending wasting my time on that shit rather than binge-watching "House of Cards".


From: Director N. Fury

To: Deputy Director M. Hill

Subject: Re: re: Keeping Up With The Avengers

Understood.


From: Agent P. Coulson

To: Deputy Director M. Hill

Subject: Ohmigosh, there's an Avengers TV-Show?

No way! There's an Avengers show coming out! Did you hear? I attached the link to the season premiere just in case you didn't catch it:

avengers-fan-club/keeping-up-with-the-avengers/3992003


From: Deputy Director M. Hill

To: Agent P. Coulson

Subject: Re: Ohmigosh, there's an Avengers TV-show?

Please don't tell me you actually spend time on that web-site.


From: Agent P. Coulson

To: Deputy Director M. Hill

Subject: Re: re: Ohmigosh, there's an Avengers TV-show?

I do not know of what you speak of.


(Classic advertising woman's voice): Are you tired of hearing the same old stuff about our superheroes? Why are they so mysterious? How strong are their friendships off of the playing field? What's life like in the Avenger's Mansion? Curious about their secret lives? Well, search no further.

Welcome to HBO's newest and biggest TV show: Keeping Up With The Avengers!