Shudders

By Althea M

We'd moved off the tracks and into the woods once we were all together again, Sasha, Rick, Carl, Bob, Mishonne, Daryl, Carol, Glenn, and I. We'd reconnected with Tyrese and Judith where Carol had left them.

We wanted to put as much distance between us and Terminus as we could while we still had daylight. The noise and fire was drawing walkers from all around, but we kept an eye out and managed to avoid any large herds.

About close to sunset we found an old backwoods shack, barely big enough for two people but we all huddled in there, no light, no food. Tyrese and Carol had what Judith needed, so she was blessedly quiet through the night. Carol and Mishonne got the idea of camouflaging the place and found a stray walker and, after dispatching it, smeared the remains around the doorposts and windows. It kind of reminded me of the Bible story of the Passover, in an obscene kind of way.

We weren't relaxed or comfortable, but I think we were all grateful to be alive. I had no idea what Glenn and the others had gone through, except that the people we had escaped from had turned to cannibalism as a means of survival. But I knew it had to have been bad because Glenn was as tense as Daryl's bow string. For that matter, they all had a stark look in their eyes, a little close to crazed.

Glenn, even in the hardest times had always been able to bounce back and, in doing so, bring me back. After we'd lost the farm, he was there for me. After daddy lost his leg, he still returned to me. After the prison fell and we were separated, then found each other and looked for Terminus, 'my Glenn' was still there. But now, although he'd give me that look that I just adored, I saw shadows in his eyes and I felt like I wouldn't get 'my Glenn' back.

As the cabin grew dim with the setting sun, I pulled him into my arms and gently rocked him.

"I don't know what happened, but, I'm here for you", I whispered.

He turned his head and looked at me in the dying light, eyes stark and intense.

"I don't want you to ever know. Ever."

Then, he turned and sank back into my arms. In a few minutes, I felt his breathing lengthen into slow deep breaths, and I began to relax a bit.

Then, he shuddered and went rigid, eyes snapping open and watchful, in those moments before he got his bearing. I wasn't startled by it. In fact, I was surprised at how mild it was. What had startled me earlier was seeing our laconic, stoic hunter, Daryl, twitch awake in a similar manner, as though he were trying to fight off grasping hands.

I sighed and stroked Glenn's hair, dirty, oily, and tangled, like my own. I whispered to him, "If it can heal you, you will tell me. I will help you carry the burden".

He shook his head, or was it another shudder, and said, "When I think we're finally safe, then, you can ask me. But not before then."

"Unless I think I need to know, to keep us both safe." I whispered.

This time he definitely shook his head. As soft as Glenn had seemed when I first met him, our experiences together had shown me his core and it was solid, firm. As gentle as he could be with me, I knew I would bend to his will if he pressed it.

"Ok. When we're safer", I conceded.

"No. When we're 'safe'", Glenn stated firmly.

I wasn't going to argue with him, not now. I soothed him back to sleep. And I wondered about the shudders. And I wondered if we would ever have a safe place, a place where he would tell me his deepest secrets, his fears, and where he would no longer shudder in his sleep.

And I considered that I may never know what happened to him at Terminus, and I hated them for whatever they did to my Glenn. This time, it was my turn; I would do whatever I could to bring my Glenn back.

END