Harry Potter and the Half Blood Mary Sues

ok so this story pretty much a parody making fun of practically ever pairing, Mary Sue, and OOC imaginable. If it offends you, you probably won't want to read it, but we all have to laugh at our selves once and a while, and others. Especially others. :)

!DOWN WITH MARY SUES!

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, then why would I be wasting my precious time writing this! Ok ya so maybe I would lol

CHAPTER ONE: Screwed Mary Sue

Harry Potter was wandering around the corridors of the train, wondering why he was wandering around the corridors of the train when a gorgeous girl jumped out in front of him.

"HI! I'm Mary-Sue, and you're going to marry me!" She was tossing her perfectly shining strawberry blonde hair around in her perfectly manicured hands.

"Uh..."

Mary-Sue then threw herself at his feet, her hands grasping his ankle.

"Uh... what are you doing?" he starred at the pathetic heap on the floor.

Her eyes were rolling around in their sockets, so all he could see was white. "I sense through your ankle...DEATH!"

"Gerroff!" Harry panicked and ran until he hit a conveniently placed wall.

"Hehe, you can't get away from me, I'm Mary-Sue! An exchange student from the U.S.A who Minerva never noticed I was on the list to go to Hogwarts until this year, and even though a normal witch couldn't do sixth year magic in their first year, I'm Mary-Sue! SOOO because I am Mary-Sue that also means you have to not notice my striking resemblance to Remus Lupin until the author decides to describe it later on in the story. Oh ya and you have to act all OOC around me or else! NOW KISS ME!"

Harry backed away, whimpering, as she attacked him with her lips scrunched up all funny. Then all of a sudden the wall he was backed up against turned into a compartment door and opened causing Harry to fall in and locking Mary-Sue out.

" Thank yo...MALFOY!"

"Harry..." He said in a drawling sexy voice. "I have something to tell you…" he curled a seductive finger towards him self.

Harry threw himself franticly at the compartment door. The handle had disappeared! He could feel Draco moving closer from behind him, and he was desperate to get out. He heard a muffled voice from above him and looked up. HERMIONE WAS TAPPED TO THE CEILING!

"Draco what did you do!"

"What, that? Just something I learned over the summer…" He tried pinning Harry to the door but Harry slipped from beneath him. Harry grabbed his wand and pointed it at Hermione. But before he could think of a spell she fell on top of him.

"Harry are you okay!" she cried as she got off him.

"No I broke my arm!" he screamed.

Draco laughed annoyingly in his smooth sexy voice.

"SHUT UP DRACO!" hermione screamed and knocked him unconscious with Hogwarts a History which she had kept up her bra. Harry was to shocked to feel his arm because he realized Hermione wasn't a man.

Hermione grabbed Harry by his ear and did some random never heard before spell to bust open a giant hole in the door. Then she yanked him out and ran to the back of the train.

"Ow, ow, ow, OWWWW!" Harry screamed pathetically as his broken arm banged against the floor and Hermione yanked his ear.

Then the train became conveniently shorter and five second later they got to a compartment where Ron was conveniently sitting alone.

"Zip up your pants Ron!"

"Eh? What're… what're people doing here!" Ron turned furiously red.

Hermione turned around and hexed the door even though she wasn't suppose to do magic. What the heck she didn't in the first book right?

"Alright now let me see your arm Harry…"

But before she could do anything she kneeled over onto the floor panting. She covered her head with her hands and began screaming uncontrollably. "NOO NOO!"

Her nails grew long and red, her hair tamed and lightened to a striking blonde, Her waist slimmed until her figure was an exact hour-glass, and her robe disappeared until all was left was a pair of pink soffies and a black tube top.

She was lying on the floor having a spasm the entire transformation Harry and Ron nervously glancing at each other unsure of what to do. Retards get a cell phone and call an ambulance duh!

Haha okay so these chapters will be pretty short it's going to be a short parody with a plot, eventually lol. But so far so good right? Lol, well review!

CJ