Super Smash Bros. Brawl, But With Actual Dialogue!
Kirby and Mario are in the Arena for literally no reason!
"Hello-a Kirby!" Mario said to his puffball acquaintance.
"Puyo!" Kirby replied.
"What the hell are you saying?" Some jerk in the audience yelled.
Kirby then coughs, quite loudly.
"Sorry, what did you say?" Kirby said to Mario, "My throat was all stuffy."
"What-a throat?" Mario taunted.
"Oh snap!" The same jerk from the audience yelled.
"Oh, it is ON!" Kirby bellowed at Mario in reply to his, extremely crappy, insult.
The Player then picks between playing as Mario or Kirby for the fight. Seeing as Mario's Great Balls of Fire royally suck, and Kirby is a freaking Vacuum alien, you get to pick from two separate types of suck. I pick Kirby.
Kirby punches Mario repeatedly without much difficulty, due to the fact that it's the beginning of the Game, and so every single thing sucks but the player. So, the opposite of real life.
"Yay illegal Alien!" The Audience cries.
"Boo!" Dick Cheney screams. Dick hates illegal aliens, right? I don't know politics.
"You-a suuuuck!" Mario yells at Kirby.
"Yes I do."
Kirby then puts on some wicked shades.
"Yeaaaaaaaah!"
Kirby is officialy bad ass. Yes, I just made a C.S.I. reference. Deal with it!
Mario turns into a Trophy, because this game is P.G.
"Are you not entertained?" Spatacu- I mean Kirby says to the Audience.
"That joke sucks worse than you!" The Internet types, eerily at the exact same time, into the comments section.
"Screw you, Internet! I don't need you!" Kirby said. The Author immediately feels the rage of 151 trolls.
Kirby touches Mario's Trophy Pedistal Thing which turns him back into a target for infinite offensive Italy jokes.
"Thank-a you!"
"You know how you could thank me?"
"How-a?"
"Stop being such a horrid stereotype. Seriously, they`re people in Mike Tyson`s Punch Out that are less offensive then you!"
"NEVER-A!"
Princess Zelda and Princess Peach then run onto The Arena, because they're there for some reason.
"Are you allowed to do that? Just, run onto The Arena?" Kirby asked Zelda.
"Of course we are! Nothing bad ever happens in these things-"
"Holy crap red clouds!" Peach screeched.
Red clouds of foreshadowing appear above The Arena.
"Don't worry, Peach!" Zelda said, "Their is no way something evil will come out from those clouds-"
A wild HALBERD appears!
"Uh oh Spaghettioes!" Mario geniuslee commented.
"Don't worry!" Kirby said to the other three smashers. "The Halberd is owned by Metaknight, who's a d-bag at worst-"
A bunch of evil crap falls from the Halberd.
"Oh noes! It's evil crap! Literally!" Peach squealed.
"Stop trying to be funny." Zelda told the fellow Princess. You go girl.
A Bunch of Evil Battery Looking Guys are formed from the Evil Diarrhea.
'Yes, I think Primids look like batteries," The Author said directly to the Author, "And so do my characters. LIVE WITH IT!"
"What-a are the odds of having evil things invade a place with the main characters?" Mario asked.
"Dammit. I really shouldn't of come. Putting you all in danger…" Kirby said, hoping someone agrees.
"I'm-a the main character y'know." Mario argued.
"No you aren't." Kirby countered.
MARIO used: Argue Some More!: "This-a is a Nintendo thing! And I'm Nintendo's Mascot!" It's not very effective...
KIRBY used: A Good Point!: "And I'm the mascot of the people who made this damn thing." It's Super effective!
"Crap." FOE MARIO was defeated! KIRBY got 200 POKE for winning!
"We should get to fighting these Triple A mooks." Zelda said, ruining the combo of crappy Pokemon jokes.
"Yeah!" Peach cheered.
Peach then gets out her Generic Frying Pan (Trademark)
"You just set female rights back 200 years. I have a sword." Zelda said to the 'Shroom Royalty
Zelda then looks in the pockets she doesn't have for her sword.
"Where in Hyrule is my freaking sword?" Zelda yelled.
"About that…" The Pink Puffball said to the the Hyrulian Princess nervously.
"You ate my sword?"
"Yes, that's what I'm implying."
"Well, it's better than it just being that Nintendo didn't want me to be powerful." Zelda said.
The Author then realizes he needs to get back to the plot.
Zelda then uses magic to totally own some Primids.
"Fun!" Zelda cheered.
Peach uses the Ass Smack of Love on a Primid.
"This is so hot!" The Primid yelled.
The Primid then explodes.
"Yeah! Exploding people with my ass!" Peach laughed.
"Does Nintendo hate women?" Zelda thought out loud to the other smashers.
"If they did, you wouldn't exist." Kirby replied.
"True."
"Can we get back to the action?" The Player yelled to the T.V. Screen. The Player is most likely insane.
"Fine." The Author replied to the whiner- I mean valued fan!
Kirby inhales a Primid.
"And you're the good guy?" The Primid asked nervously.
"Yes." Kirby replied.
"If you eat me, you will always have evil crap in your stomach! I'm like gum! I never leave!" The Primid yelled as a last ditch attempt at not being swallowed.
But he is.
Mario burns a Primid with his Great Ball's of Recycled Joke- I mean Fire!
"I'm-a still in this plot?"
All the Primids are now dead.
"I love mass murder." Kirby commented.
A loading time later, some robot carrying da bomb flies to the Main Cast.
"Who the Heck are you?" Zelda asked the robot.
"I'm totally not R.O.B.!" The obvious R.O.B. in disguise yelled back, "I'm the original character, Ancient Minister!"
"Oh yeah. Spoiler alert." The Author said.
"Wait. Ancient? You're a freaking robot! How ancient can you be?" Kirby yelled at "Ancient" Minister.
"… Shut up!" The Ancient Minister countered, obviously being a 12 year old on the Internet.
Ancient Minister drops da bomb.
Two R.O.B.'s clunkily roll over to da bomb hooking onto it and opening it up, revealing a 3:00 minute countdown.
"A boss fight is about to come, isn't it?" Kirby asked.
"What the hell's going on?" The Audience yelled, then realizing that a countdown on a bomb always ends in death for literal background characters.
Everyone stands there, until Petey the Diaper Wearing Piranha crashes onto The Arena.
"God! That fall sucked! I think I crapped my diaper…" Petey moaned.
"Ha-a Ha!" Mario laughed, suddenly becoming a stereotypically Italian Nelson Muntz.
"Screw you, Plumber!" Petey yelled back "I'm a firin' ma Bullet Bill!"
Petey shoots a Mario reference at the Plumber, shooting him into the next Level.
"Well, looks like it's just you us three against Petey, guys!" Kirby said, "It'll be difficult, but I`m sure we can do it-"
Zelda and Peach are put in cages by Petey.
"Sex joke." Petey commented.
"Hmm… Who should I save?" Kirby pondered, "Princess Zelda, the only person who I've met so far who I genuinely like, or Princess Peach, the slut. Peach, I choose youuuu!"
Kirby somehow kills Petey by punching Peach's cage repeatedly. Peach is freed
"I'm out of here, bitches!" Ancient Minister yelled, then flies away.
"Oh, screw you." The R.O.B.'s stuck to the bomb yell to Ancient Minister.
Wario then jumps into The Arena.
"Ha ha! Just when you thought this damn level is over, Wario! Wahahahaha!" Wario laughed. Laughing at the fact that the Author now has to write even MORE of this crappy level.
Wario takes out his bad ass gun
"I'm going to turn you into a trophy, if you couldn't tell! Wahahahahaha!"
Wario aims his gun at Princess Slu- I mean Peach.
"Just move slightly to the left, Peach! Wario's too fat to move!" Zelda yelled.
"Screw you!" Wario screamed at the Zelda.
Wario aims his gun at the caged Zelda.
"In hindsight I really should've aimed at the chick in the cage first!" Wario thought out loud.
"No shit Sherlock!" Zelda screeched.
Wario shoots a weird arrow thing from his gun at Zelda, turning her into a trophy.
"Wahahahaha!"
Wario takes the Zelda trophy and miraculously jumps out of the Arena.
The Warp Star appears by Kirby.
"Quick, Peach! Get on the star!" Kirby yelled at Princess Toadstool.
"…. Okay! Nothing bad could happen from that!" Peach squeals.
"I'm starting to see how it's so easy to kidnap you."
Kirby and Peach get on the Warp Star and flies away.
