Character/Pairing: Meredith & minor MerDer
A/N: Thanks to Mir for the inspiration! My prompt was Rubber Ducky, Music Box by Regina Spektor and MerDer. Pretty much random, no? This is what came from it and it's dark and twisty. Set during Wishin' And Hopin' (3x14) and Walking on Water (3x15).
-------
Five years. It had been five very long, very complicated years since Ellis Grey had been diagnosed and four years since she had last remembered who Meredith was. Once Ellis had forgotten her daughter completely, Meredith had yearned for her mother to know who she was. Over the first year or two, she would beg and cry to the blank, confused stare that was her mother's expression while the nurses tried to explain to her that it wouldn't help. Mer wouldn't hear it; she would continue to plead until her voice grew hoarse with tension. It was almost ironic, her desire, for their relationship was anything but an ideal one; it was so strained and damaged any other person would be smart to run, and, yet, Mer wanted it more than anything. Even hostility was better then this silence.
---
When the call came that Ellis was lucid, Meredith didn't know how to react. She was initially eager, a glimmer of hope rearing its ugly head again, but once she reached the nursing home, her heart dropped and anxiety filled in place of the excitement. What was she to expect? Outside of the room, she consciously closed herself up and decided that it was best to avoid the enviable pain that could come from this.
---
Meredith let her guard down. She allowed herself to relax with Ellis and what a mistake. Nothing had changed at all over these years. The expectation was still too high and, with it, there was inevitable disappointment. Becoming a doctor, a surgeon; what a dissatisfaction. Finding someone that you love, really love; what a dejecting life. And then Mer screamed at her, blamed Ellis for making her this dark and twisty person that she is. But it really was Ellis's fault and she deserved it so at the time, Meredith had no regrets. However, the anguish she felt later when it was too late to apologize and repair the damage was too much to bare and so she buried her heart in tequila.
---
Sitting in this bathtub, the water was so hot that it felt cold. Or was it the other way around? Glancing over at the table that held her shampoo and lavender conditioner, Meredith's drowsy eyes caught sight of the rubber ducky smiling back at her. His life was easy; all he had to do was casually float in water and look cute. She wished her life were that simple. Everything was closing in on her, trapping her in this claustrophobia-inducing box without an idea of what to do; all she knew was that she wanted to get out. Gripping the edge of porcelain, she allowed her head to grow heavy and she let her body sink deeper in the water until she couldn't breath and her vision grew fuzzy. She swore she heard a sweet symphony echoing in her ears before a strong pair of hands gripped her forearms and pulled her from the bliss and back to reality.
-------
fin.
