The first time I actually spoke with number XIII, it was night and the castle was as silent as death. I often wandered at night, and on that particular evening I'd found myself in a wide hallway with long windows that let the moonlight paint silvery streaks across the cold white walls. The dancing light had dragged me into something like a trance when I heard quiet footsteps clicking down the hallway and jolted, stiffening as the Keyblade wielder moved into view, head tilted thoughtlessly, obliviously back. Obviously I was not the only one unable to sleep, with no research to occupy my empty time. I cleared my throat and he stumbled back, nearly falling, and I resisted the horribly irrational need to roll my eyes. It reminded me of Lea, in a way, especially the way he scrambled to look composed, and the empty place in my chest ached. Axel did not often remind me of Lea anymore. I expected that I rarely reminded him of Isa either.
"Roxas," I said, inclining my head, and he tried to smile. Normally he was better at faking, but then he had little reason to fake anything for me so I supposed I ought to have been honored that I got anything at all.
"Hi, Saix," he murmured, and I shook my head, turning back to the window.
"You need not worry. You've done nothing wrong, and even if you had, why would I tell the Superior of it when I am obviously doing the same thing?" He almost laughed, but the sound was aborted and a little too high-pitched in his throat. I heard him walk a little closer to me, as if he were frightened, and saw him from the corner of my eye as he stood beside me, joining me in gazing up at the moon. I would not be seeing it had he not joined us, that I knew. I would not be so much nearer to a heart. Were I different man, I might have thanked him. As it stood, I doubted he understood what he'd done, that he had been the one to form that moon in the sky.
"Oh. Could you not sleep either?" I hummed. The moonlight almost felt solid, as if I could hold it if only I reached out to grab it.
"I am awake, am I not? One would think that that would imply an inability to sleep." I glanced down at him, and he blinked, slow and confused, then smiled. It was a thin, wan smile, but it looked so real that for a moment I nearly succumbed to the illusion that I was human again. Axel had mentioned that about him, once. I'd thought him a fool for it. In a way, I still did; he'd already succumbed to that illusion, and I would not. Pretending would serve only to make me weak, make me forget what I was reaching for. Lea had always been the dreamer; perhaps he hadn't changed quite as much as I'd thought.
"Yeah. Sorry, that was a dumb question. I just always thought that I was the only one who couldn't sleep some nights, since I never saw anyone else out this late." He spoke quickly and a little too much. I remembered doing the same thing, when I'd had a heart to feel nervous with. He still smiled, though, bright and bold, and I couldn't remember if I had ever smiled that way. Axel would probably know, but it had grown steadily more difficult to speak with him since Castle Oblivion. I was suspicious, but as yet I'd been unable to call him on how he'd been acting. Perhaps part of me thought he'd still tell me what was on his mind, though the sane part of me doubted it. My hands started to ache and I noticed suddenly how tightly I'd been clenching them.
"It is a large castle, XIII. Do you have something you want from me?" He shrugged, turning to face me, and I couldn't look away. He looked so human, all bright blue eyes (and my eyes had been blue once, hadn't they?) and shiny golden hair. He would have looked perfectly normal in any little town, laughing with his friends and playing games, only ever play-fighting because he'd never had cause to see a real one. The moonlight pressed against me harder and I was hardly able to keep my teeth from cutting my lower lip.
"I guess not, but I thought maybe we could keep each other company since we're both awake. Like you said, it's a big castle. I must've walked by you for a reason, right?" He grinned again. I took a deep breath and forced myself to look away from the moon even as I felt it screaming for me. I had no need of the false, angry strength it gave me then; I disliked ever needing it at all, though I understood the necessity, knew that every time I used it it was only so that I could come that much closer to a heart.
"If you want company so badly, wake the puppet. It hasn't the will to mind." He frowned, eyes narrowing for the barest of moments before he twisted his lips into a smile again. I wondered if Axel had spoken about me to him, told him that he and I had been friends once, that there was some reason why I was how I was and that he should show me that same fake smile and trick me into that same illusion into which Axel had already blithely stepped.
"If she doesn't sleep well, her missions will be harder for her," he said, forcing his voice to remain light, and I could hear the emphasis he put on the "she" and the "her" even if he didn't directly say that he didn't think that it was a puppet. I still wondered what he and Axel saw in it, but Xemnas had mentioned that it took different forms depending on who was looking at it. I supposed that Roxas, soft as he seemed, had shaped her face, and Axel had begun to see it too because of how he'd fallen for the Keyblade wielder's sugar-false smiles and innocent eyes. "Maybe we could go to the kitchen?" I heard myself sigh, quiet and mostly to myself, and marveled at how easily he was able to make himself seem hopeful. Admittedly, I was curious; perhaps if I could understand how he was able to portray emotions so easily, I could better learn how to resist it. I doubted that Axel would listen even if I did, of course, but there was always a chance, however slight, that I could make him see sense again.
"Alright." Surprise flitted across his face, and I thought perhaps he would be upset that I'd agreed, but I saw no sign of it. Rather, he only smiled again, the barest curve of his lips this time, and started walking off. I followed, wondering for only a moment what I'd gotten myself into before I swept the thoughts away. Whatever Roxas' reasons for doing this, I would turn it to my advantage.
