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"If you go...we don't have a chance...if you go"

It hurts to move, every part of me is heavy stone. He's gone. We were Addison and Derek, the fighters, the winners, the couple who never quit...until now. It hurts so much, I don't think it will ever go away; I can still hear his voice, feel his touch on my skin, I keep expecting him to run back through that door. He'll come back, everyone always come back. But Derek isn't everyone, he's special, no one else could fill the void that he's left. Why Mark? Why Mark, of all the people to choose? Because he was there, I needed someone to hold me, to love me in a way that Derek hadn't for a long time.

I can't move from the stairs, if I stare at the door long enough he'll come home. I can't go to bed, it smells of Mark, not Derek, and I suppose it never will again. This had been coming, it was obvious now. No one could live in a marriage where all the love and passion has died.

"Please, you've got to give me a chance; you've got to give me a chance to show you how sorry I am"

I stand up, walk up the stairs. The shirt sticks to me from the rain, my hair limp against my neck. I stand and stare at his study, all his books, his scrubs, the laptop and some photos; our wedding photo was smashed when he grabbed all my clothes- now lying on the steps, soaked with rain and for once I couldn't give a damn about my shoes and clothes.

I can't go on, not without him. Mark will find me, come back in a few days; when he finds me alone he'll spend about ten minutes talking and then...well, what Mark does best.

"We can survive this Derek, we can survive this"

I pleaded with him, I pleaded. What every simpering woman does, back down and pleads! I'm not that kind of woman, I fight back, I always fight back and know what to say. Derek, Derek...

I slam my fists against the wall; he locked me out in the rain, am I shaking from cold or anger. Again and again, skillful hands, knowing hands, hands that save lives, and hands that hurt. Slide down the wall, I didn't mean to hurt him...I wanted his attention, wanted to know he'd fight for me, for us if the going got tough.

But he wouldn't, or couldn't; all his loyalties and love boiled down to the trust which I broke. Our marriage was crumbling but I was the one who finally knocked it down. It was one time, one time which lead to our downfall.

"We're Addison and Derek"

When I finally open my eyes everything's hazy, disorientated; Derek's books are gone, his room is empty. There's nothing to suggest anyone but me lived here except the shirt of his that I'm wearing. It's really over, he'd really gone and he's not coming back.

"No, we're not Derek and Addison, not anymore"