Chapter One Rewrite
It's not like he had thought about it a lot. It had only really crossed his mind once or twice in the last few months. But as he stood in front of the veil he realized that the thought had been constantly in the back of his mind. He had made it into the Department of Mysteries easily, which meant he had to at least have planned how to get passed everyone without detection. He even remembered specifically pocketing his invisibility cloak on the way out the door this morning. That had to mean he was thinking about this moment. Yet even though he knew subconsciously that this was what he wanted he still baulked at the thought of actually committing suicide.
Still though, as he stood in front of the veil he couldn't think of one good solid reason that he should stay alive. He life seemed to be a constant cycle of alright and horrible. Even Ron and Hermione had already moved on. He thought it would take longer to get over war but they both seemed to slip passed the horrible memories and knee grained reactions and start on the path to a fulfilling life. It was only Harry that was stuck. Unable to move forward. Unable to even sleep peacefully through one night since that day back in May. The more he thought the more he realized that all his affairs were pretty much in order. He had even already designated everything he owned in his Will. So, it was with an self-deprecating chuckle that Harry stepped into the veil and came across something completely unexpected.
He didn't die.
He was still alive.
Still breathing and everything.
Unless you could still breath while dead?
Maybe this was what death was like. It's not like he would know. It was almost similar to the moment he died and was in King's Cross.
He couldn't help but start to laugh hysterically. It would only follow that Harry bloody Potter would walk into a death veil and be dead and living. He honestly wasn't sure what he thought would happen in the first place.
His laughter tapered off as a pervading chill soaked into his bones and he couldn't help but shiver. He debated going back for the warmth alone but when he turned around he noticed there was no way to get back. It seemed he was in a dim, foggy space that went on endlessly. He tried not to panic but, really, he wasn't sure what else to do in this kind of situation. Panicking actually seemed the perfect this to do at a time like this.
Harry spun in circles with his teeth clenched so the bubbling hysteria wouldn't spill out of him. But no matter where he turned everything looked the same. He closed his eyes to try to calm down and even out his breathing before he passed out in some unknown, possibly hostile, place.
It was while his eyes were closed though that he heard a voice, seemingly coming from right in front of him. He could almost feel the frigid breath on his cheek, so he jerked his head back quickly. When he opened his eyes to look around though, there was nothing there; he couldn't even hear anything over the sound of his own heart beating combined with his quick paced breathing.
Suddenly though, he felt an icicle cold form sweep down his eye lids and he reflexively closed his eyes again to protect them. It was in those precious few seconds that he heard something before he unconsciously blinked his eyes open again. Thinking about it, he sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes again.
"You cannot hear me when you are trying to see me,' he heard.
Harry's head turned toward the voice and this time he for sure felt that frigid breath of air against his cheek causing his shoulders to jump straight to his ears in a hard jerk.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I have been waiting for you. You have not been receptive to my voice before now," it answered.
"Okay," Harry replied, "but who are you?"
"I am the end and the beginning. The equalizer and destination of all. I am the reason that breathing each day is a gift and no one has escaped from me," it responded.
Harry tilted his head slightly and admitted slowly but grudgingly, "I'm really not the best at riddles."
He felt the sigh for all that he hadn't heard it and resisted the urge to step back, "Yes. I should have known. I am Death," the now revealed Death monotoned.
Harry's shoulders stiffened and this time he actually did step back before he forced himself into a standing position. After all, this was what he had come looking for, wasn't it? This was the Being that could take him to his family and finally let him rest. Let him move on to something better than what he's always known and been forced to endure. Not that he regretted living, exactly. But he much imagined that being with his family would make him happier than he could ever have been back in the wizarding world.
"Are you here to take me? I'd very much like to go," Harry admitted softly.
Death almost seemed to hesitate before answering once again in monotone. "Where did you think you would be going?"
Harry almost glared but his eyes were still closed, so he settled for scrunching his brow in displeasure instead, "To where ever dead people go. Duh."
This time for sure Harry knew he had startled Death, even if he couldn't see anything he practically felt Death's reaction. "You are not dead. Therefore, you do not have passage into my realm."
Harry threw his arms up in frustration, "what the hell do you mean I'm not dead? I'm here aren't I? What? Am I just stuck living in Limbo or something? How the bloody hell does this death thing even work."
"Yes, you are here. But you are not in Limbo," Death replied. "Human death works by being dead," he deadpanned.
Harry almost screamed but he kept his mouth closed and the sound muffled. It probably wouldn't do to anger Death lest something awful befell him. Besides, with his luck he should have known something like this would happen. Wasn't the saying in school 'If it could happen it would happen to Harry'? So, he just took in a deep breath and tried his best to calm down.
"Ok, so what am I supposed to do now? What do you want from me?"
Death answered much more quickly this time, "I want you to walk. In whichever direction you would like."
"Why?"
"So that you can continue," he responded.
Before Harry could ask what the hell that was supposed to mean he felt a piercing frosty pain penetrate his forehead over his scar. He felt his knees collapse and hit the ground jarringly as he bent over with his hands pressed to his head. He was unaware how long he was curled up on the floor, but when next he was aware of his surroundings, he knew he was alone.
With his eyes still closed he spoke up anyway, "Hello?" he called. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer, so he didn't expect one. Rubbing his scar, he forced himself to stand up anyway.
Looking around he decided that he didn't really have much of a choice. It was either start walking or keep standing where he was. As he didn't want to stand around and wait for nothing, or worse, something, he figured he might as well start walking.
It felt like eons passed and yet at the same time it was almost like he had just walked through the veil. Nothing changed so he didn't know where he was going. Not that he even knew what he was looking for. He hoped that he would find something eventually, it didn't even matter what he found, as long as it was something different from nothingness and fog.
He walked and walked, dazed and not really looking anywhere at some moments, and at others as though in a hyper focus to everything around him. Eventually he stopped thinking and seemed to just be pulled along in a random direction, not even sure if this was the direction he started out in or if he got turned around and was back at his starting place.
He was sure he was going crazy.
Unsure if he was even a person anymore or if he was the fog.
Unsure if ever he had even existed in the first place.
But still he walked.
It was during this unsure period of time, if time was even a true concept, that he noticed a slight lighting in the atmosphere. He wanted to react. He wanted to be happy for the difference in the air. The difference in the atmosphere. He wanted to stop and let out an exclamation of excitement at the change. But even as he finally registered that he was feeling emotion again, and even registering thoughts in his head again, he did not stop walking.
He finally began to feel tired. As though he could stop at any moment, but his legs just kept going. He tried to keep his eyes open. Tried to register more changes in his surroundings. But as he struggled to open his eyes and keep his excitement up, he knew that he could not control his body. It was only as he started to fall that his body made one last ditch effort to jerk aware, but it failed. He lost consciousness only to thought that even though he was falling, he was still walking.
And Harry slept.
