This is a companion piece to Let go, and its from Danny's POV this time, so I hope I got it right, and I hope I portrayed his character right - I'm not a man, and have never been in this situation so it's hard to tell. Actually, this is my idealised form of what I would want Danny to be thinking.
Just so you know, my other stories will be updated soon - I am swamped at the moment, and trying to write four stories at once wasn't a wise idea for me, who has the inability to concentrate for long periods of time XD
Thanks to Cowboysteel for reading
Dedicated to Pandora72, Firecracker73 and Lily Moonlight
Disclaimer - Nothing you recognise is mine.
She caused him to feel things that he'd never felt before, and he's opened up to her in way he never had with anyone else. He'd felt himself fall hard and fast, and he wouldn't have wanted to stop it even if he could have. He became vulnerable to her, and it scared him. He'd wanted to give her the world, had wanted to be all she thought he was, but in the end, he wasn't strong enough. When his world came crashing down again, he hadn't been able to face it head on this time. He didn't want her to see how weak he really was.
So he'd pushed her away. He'd withdrawn into a shell, drowning in his grief, refusing to let anyone help him, and when he'd needed the comfort, he'd turned to someone else. He'd shut off his emotions, acting on instinct without even thinking about the consequences. He'd thrown away everything they had, everything he needed, for one night of mumbled words and dulled grief.
He couldn't tell her what he'd done, but as it turned out, he didn't have to. She'd already known, and he just confirmed it. The pain that flashed through her face, the anger in her eyes, yet she nodded as she tried to hold back the tears as she tried to hide her heartache.
He'd withdrawn from her then, knowing that he could only ever break her heart. He'd left her alone even though he swore he never world. Because he'd forsaken so many other things he'd sworn never to do. How could he be with her, when he knew he would just cause her more pain?
He'd pushed her away because he knew it was better for her, knew that she would recover and move on. He honestly believed that she deserved someone better - he was broken. She could tell that he was lying, that he wanted her. But he'd still walked away. And as much as tried to hide it, it hurt him, even as he flirted with people in front of her, even when he worked the same crime scenes with her yet said no more than necessary. Maybe he'd convinced himself that if he could move on, then so could she.
He still loved her. He knew that. That might never change. Sometimes he looked at her across the lab, watching her as she worked. He longed to hold her the way he once had, longed to tease her, longed to hear her laugh again. He wanted to see her smile. But he knew he could never be with her the way he wanted to. Because she wouldn't let herself fall for him again.
And he couldn't blame her. Because he'd been in the wrong. And the guilt he felt never seemed to cease - everytime he looked at her, and realised they were now merely colleagues, he knew it was because of him.
The reality that she was never coming back had hit that morning. She'd looked him in the eye and turned away without the wince that had become so commonplace. She no longer looked as if she wore her heart on her sleeve, and the pain in her eyes was growing smaller day by day. That's when he knew. She was never coming back. He'd lost her. She'd moved on.
I hope this was ok, like I said, its hard to write from a male perspective
Reviews are very much welcomed :)
