Decided to go through with the crack stories. Just nonsense in my mind and a few parodies. This first few skits are based on Jonathan Ian Mather's Neurotically Yours episodes and Chibisodes.
No disclaimer needed for this, it's just rejected things.
New Phone
A young looking ten year old Cody walked up to his father and held up his phone.
"Dad, I want a new phone." Chance looked at his son and glared.
"Why? Is it broken?" Taking a moment to snap his phone in half, the tabby put on a pleading face.
"Y-Yeah, it's looking pretty bad..." The older tabby deadpanned.
"Well obviously you can't be trusted with nice things, so no." Cody began to whine.
"Awwww c'mon! I thought you were going to do that whole parental thing like, 'Well if it's not broken then you don't need a new one' Type... thing... you adults do... With your mind."
"Hmm." The older tabby grumbled.
"C'mon, I'm ten! You know what happens to ten year olds at school that don't have a phone? They get molested by the janitor." Silence filled the kitchen. "Ok that's not true. The janitor is this woman with no arms and she mops the floor by shuffling her feet. She wears these special shoes." Cody pointed at his own feet. "She can tap dance too, I could send you a video... If I had a new phone." Another grumbled came from the older tabby. "Roy! Back me up on this!"
The ten year old fox flew in and floated above there heads. "No arms, tap dancing janitors are awesome!" With that said he floated away.
"J-Just go to your room." The annoyed Cody stomped to his room and complaining. The fox appeared again and pointed at the plate with a bagel Cody had interrupted Chance from eating.
"Dude, are you going to eat that bagel? 'Cause I wouldn't. Cholesterol, at your age, Very Dangerous. This bagel can kill you." He stated with a smile. Chance glared at the fox.
"Go to Cody's room." The fox glared back.
"Aw man, fucking son of a bitch! I can't believe-All I wanted was a fucking bagel! Now I have to go to the Doom Room of Death. Fucking melancholy, pseudo-hyperactive, bullshit child." He complained as he walked into Cody's room. Chance held his face with his paw. All Roy wanted was a bagel.
Inappropriate Bagel
The ten year old fox snuck up on the younger tabby as he was on his tablet.
"Hey, wanna see the new frumpy cat meme?" Roy growled.
"There's a new frumpy cat meme every five minutes. So no."
"You're such a piss y'know, like urinary excrement from some girl's ovaries." Cody snapped back.
"Hey, find me something interesting and I'll look at it." Cody began looking through various things.
"Hmm, fat black lady saying she doesn't have time for stuff?"
"Eh, ain't nobody got time for that." The fox dully replied.
"Zombie walk in Canada?"
"What is this, 2008?" The tabby began getting annoyed.
"Well what the fuck do you like then?"
"Bagels." Roy smiled.
"And...?'
"Cream cheese! Creamy cream cheese!"
"Bob dammit, you're a difficult prick!" The fox pointed at the tabby.
"BUY ME BAGELS!" Cody sighed deeply.
"Ok... Bagel videos." He waited for the results to come in. "How to make a bagel?"
"Don't care."
"How to eat a bagel?"
"Already know how!" The tabby looked through various video titles.
"Man fucks a bagel with his fat cock?"
"That it's, I'm banning the internet!"
"You can't ban the internet!" The fox flew in the air.
"BANNED! Banning the internet, there shall be no internet for abusing the bagel~!" He flew off, continuing to rant off. "Bagel abuse is banned, keep your dick in your pants and stop molesting my food!" Cody ignored the fox and tried to watch the video, getting immediately blocked out. He continued relentlessly to try and watch it, but he was denied access.
"Stupid fucking parental lock, how am I ever going to learn about sex?"
Medication Side effects
Jake sighed as he looked through the cabinets for a spoon, unfortunately the only one was a comedic large spoon.
"My spoon is too big..." He complained, watching as Chance walked in dressed as a banana. Baldo walked in and wondered what the hell was going on.
"Why is Chance dressed like a banana?" Jake rubbed his temples.
"After getting hurt, the doctors prescribed him some meds and he's been all over the place with the side effects."
"Side effects, like what?" The cinnamon tom took a moment to recall today's events.
"Well, sometimes he's angry."
"Fuck you toaster! Bitch! Fuck you with a pitchfork!" He growled and flipped off said kitchen appliance. "Urgh! Toaster!"
"Then there's times when he's just sad." Which Chance was slumped against the wall in an inclined position.
"Why does society hate me...?"
"And then... he's just plain slutty." The tabby was playing a ukulele while his left eye twitched.
"Free handjobs for whoever buys me coffee! Free handjobs for whoever buys me coffee!" With that said, the human ran out to buy him some coffee.
Jake sighed as he stared at the too big spoon.
Assassination Fail
Roy lead Micheal through a forest, they were sent to kill a witch living in a pumpkin. Though they were skeptical that this person was a witch, but Chance said.
"She lives in a fucking pumpkin what more proof do you need? All that's missing is a giant sign saying, Witch lives here!"
"Alright, time to plan out our attack." The lynx looked at his love.
"Two options, we can go in there screaming our heads off or we can try assassination."
"You really think that's an option?" He chuckled. Roy rubbed his head.
"Your right, what the hell was I thinking? Good thing I learned all my assassination techniques from Black Star." He smiled. Micheal did a double take and looked at the fox.
"Wait what?" But it was too late, Roy ran off and crashed through the window in a very noticeable way. To make matters worse the room he crashed in was the bathroom and he was heading towards the tub... with the witch in it. And so, Micheal kicked the fox out of the bathtub and yelled at him.
Soooo yeah, that's all the crack ideas I saw the guys in. I'll take requests for stupid things.
