My name is Mike. I've had a rough life as a human being lately but you'd be surprised how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm. One evening, after returning home I was attacked and stabbed by some thieves. My life wasted so that they could gain thirty pounds and an ipod. I couldn't even remember what had happened until I regained consciousness and found myself in, get this, limbo. Freaking limbo! Before I had an opportunity to learn that for myself, an old tortoise that was nearly as big as I was and could walk on two feet AND could talk, explained to me the reason why I was here. Needless to say I almost broke down because of it. But the tortoise continued. He told me that his name was Oogway, and that he could give me the chance to live again but at a cost. If I was to accept, I would end up in the world Oogway had originally come from instead of being sent back to my own. I took the chance almost at once and was sent into his world. What Oogway forgot to mention however, was that I would no longer be human, but instead a python. Yeah. Not exactly the easiest creature to live as. At that point, my new life had already taken a wrong turn and I quickly found myself a servant of a rhino called Hundun, who seems to speak a little over dramatically time to time. That was when I was taken to a town called the Valley of Peace where I was captured by a group of kung fu masters called the Furious five. I was knocked out and relocated to a dungeon underneath a building called the Jade palace where my fate was decided. Luckily I was offered the chance to train for sticking up for a panda named Po which I accepted. From there, I soon learned that the entire population of the village, maybe the whole world, consisted of nothing but animals that could walk, talk, do everything a normal human being could do. And to make matters even more surprising, I was now in China. Bloody China!
From there, things started out hard, as I had to train nearly everyday, ending up in pain most days, Fighting bandits and receiving a black eye from an angry tiger, Long story. But as life went on, things begun to improve. I became a better fighter and the residents begun to treat me as a hero, and I'm dating another snake. A warrior from the Furious five named Viper. I had difficulties dealing with going out with a snake at first as every fiber in my body rejected the idea but after some persuasion, I was convinced that it wasn't as bad as it seemed and went out with her. Matter of fact, she's the reason I've made it so far from day one. I remember how I hoped that things would stay this way forever. Unfortunately, nothing always goes the way you want it to. As everything was finally heading my way, things took another unexpected twist and I ended up nearly losing everything. And to think it all started because of Po playing Ba quo.
Let me back track a little. Mantis, one of the warriors of the furious five, was meant to be keeping an eye on Po, the dragon warrior. Unfortunately he decided that relaxing and sitting back doing nothing was a much better idea. Quickly, we all explained the situation to Master Shifu who led us up to the Hall of Heroes. This is where everything took a wrong turn, where I found myself thrown back into time and into a time before Po, Shifu, or the furious five had met me.
...
YESTERDAY AFTERNOON...
"...three, two, ONE"!
Before reaching the top of the stairs, I heard a yell, followed by another shatter, along with multiple groans and an apology from Po. Shifu's ear twitched. I could imagine that he had just broken something valuable.
"DO OVER"!
Okay, perhaps we should go in now.
Sure enough, Shifu opened the door and we all walked in to see Po with his back to us. He had a large hand held stick in both his hands and the wok resting on his head. He also seemed to have a wooden ball on the floor. I also saw a fancy white and yellow pot now in a million pieces resting on the floor, there seemed to be some sort of green mist floating around it as well. I don't know what it was but it seemed harmless enough. Po began to swing the stick again.
"Three, two one"...
"Panda"! Shifu snapped, causing Po to fall off balance.
As he did, he managed to still swing the stick and hit the ball with a lot more force than he meant to. The ball bounced aggresivley off of a pillar and heading straight for Shifu's face. However, Shifu caught the ball as it was but inches to his face, not even flinching or blinking as he grasped it. I had to admit, that was kind of awesome despite it nearly putting a hole through his head.
"Are you playing Ba quo in the Jade Palace"? Shifu began, as Po somewhat twiddled his thumbs, acting like a child who had been caught by his mother stealing cookies. "You know we have rules against such things"!
"But, Master Shifu, I uh"... Po began, taking the wok off of his head.
"Yes"?
However instead of getting an answer, the only response Shifu got was a whistle. All of us exchanged glances at each other, unsure what the panda was trying to do. Shifu somewhat got the message a little clearer than the rest of us as he pointed at himself, causing Po to whistle slightly louder and was signalling for him to come over with his hand.
Slowly but surely, Shifu walked over to Po. Once close enough, Po began speaking a little quieter as though making sure the rest of us couldn't hear him. Little did he know that we could still make out what he was saying.
"look I...I didn't want to say anything in front of them or the newbie"...
Newbie was me, in case you were wondering. I'm still technically a student here at the Jade palace and I doubted I would receive a rank of master any time soon so I decided not to argue.
"But the dragon warrior, chosen by the universe"...
"Yes"? Shifu asked, keeping his voice at the same tone as earlier. Po then began to swing round with his back to us as he put one of his pudgy arms on Shifu.
"Well it's just that, considering my position, not all of the rules should apply to me".
His response, Shifu whistled for Po to lean in closer to him. Po seemed calm about it as he followed the instruction, at least until pulled on one of his ears causing him to whine in pain. Shifu then spoke up, making sure that all of us could hear what he was about to say.
"The rules are for everybody panda. Even someone as special as you". Shifu then let go, causing Po to stumble back. Everyone seemed to laugh softly at the scene but none harder than me and Monkey, in which the both of us were rewarded with either a pull on the ear or fang, which was enough to shut me up. With all that was said and done, we all left the Hall of Heroes to let Po clean up.
"Uh, okay then. We'll agree to disagree! You say tomato"...
"And so does everyone else! Clean up this mess and meet us in the training hall"!
The doors closed behind us, leaving Po on his own to clean. All of us made our way down to the training hall, apart from Shifu who travelled at his own pace, giving us the chance to talk.
"You know, that all could have been avoided if you'd have just stopped Po from messing around Mantis". I explained, ignoring the small pain now coming from my right fang.
"Aw come on, how was I supposed to know he was going to try it in the Hall of Heroes"? Mantis argued back.
"Mantis, this is Po we're talking about"! Crane continued.
"...Fair enough".
"I'm just surprised Shifu didn't give him a worse punishment for wrecking that yellow and white pot". I wondered, remembering its fate.
"Oh please, there's not a month that goes by without Po smashing it to pieces". Monkey laughed. I just shook my head, not wanting to go in any further with the explanation.
After a few minutes had passed, everyone was back inside the training hall. Luckily I had forgotten to take my shiruken stars back from earlier so after receiving a small scolding from Master Shifu, I got back to work on practicing with the dummy. Zhen had entered with us as he had been instructed to clean the front doors. His voice quickly filled the air as he begun singing an unknown love song. Unfortunately for him. His song had ended as quickly as it had begun as Po burst through the door, knocking the goose off of his ladder.
"MASTER SHIFU"! Po yelled, catching Zhen by accident as he fell. Everyone stopped what they were doing as we all turned to hear what he had to say. Was it me, or had he cleaned up the Hall of Heroes a little quickly? There was no way he had done it already.
"Yes"?
"Uhhh"... Po began but seemed unable to finish his sentence. Almost like he had forgotten what it was he wanted to say. "Nothing. Just... just wanted to say you're... all doing... a bang up job. Really good stuff. Keep it up". And with that, he left.
"Umm... What was that all about"? I asked, hoping I wasn't the only one who was lost.
"I have no idea". Crane answered.
The rest of the training session went by slowly. Shifu had ordered me to find Po and bring him back to the Hall of Heroes. There was an important matter that needed to be discussed between all of us. Probably something to do with that gorilla warlord, Fennu again. At once, I followed my orders and looked left and right for Po. I found him in the barracks kitchen, no surprise, chewing on a huge bowl of dumplings.
"Hey Po. Shifu's calling for us to get up to the training hall". I called from the doorway, making Po nearly lose his balance on the chair he was sitting on.
"Oh, uh... sure thing. Lemme just uh"... I watched Po take a seed out of an old brown bag and raised it high in the air.
"What are you doing"? I asked with a lack of interest, pretty sure that this was another wierd Po thing. However before an answer could be given, the ground suddenly shook rapidly for a couple of seconds, causing Po to fall off of his chair.
Was that an earthquake? Shit, I hope everybody's okay.
"Come on, we need to check on everyone else". I spoke quickly, guiding Po back onto his feet and heading towards the Hall of Heroes. By the time we had made it up the stairs, the two front doors had been kicked in, nearly taking it off of it's hinges like something powerful had forced its way inside.
The pair of us entered through the entrance at once, almost getting crushed by a falling pillar. From there, hovering in the middle of the room was an owl. And I don't mean the small cute ones you may find flying around in your back garden during the middle of the night because this one was nothing like that at all! This owl had purple feathers and was the same size as a full grown man. It wore a tunic with a similar but darker purple shading compared to its feathers. I watched as Viper tried to attack it, but instead, the thing swatted her away with ease.
"Fenghuang? Here to get your butt handed to you again"? Po mocked the owl now known as Fenghuang. Before I could ask away on who she was, Mantis interuptted.
"That's kind of a funky expression when you think about it". He said, not paying attention to the flying tiger smashing into him and then into a pillar.
"Um, Po, who's your friend here"? I asked a little worried after seeing how strong she was. After delivering a strong kick to Crane, the owl landed in front of us.
"Your days of constantly defeating, then mocking me, are over". It spoke revealing it's old harsh sounding voice.
"Are you sure because I'm getting pretty good at it"!
"Well, the mocking part anyway. I've still to see him take down anyone other than himself". I joked seeing how I have never seen Po fight anybody on his own. This earned me a glare from Po himself, in which the only response I could give was a shrug while Fenghuang raised a chuckle.
"The last time we met, I knew seven impossible moves".
"The hell's an impossible move"? I asked, expecting to be looked down on for not knowing.
"It's a move that's impossible".
...Really Po?
"Yeah... I managed to figure that part out for myself oddly enough". I snapped, shooting an angry glare at Po, unsure whether he was just messing around with me or if he was actually being serious.
"... May I continue"? Fenghuang asked, rather annoyed for being interrupted.
"Sorry. Go ahead".
"As I was saying, I've now mastered twelve impossible moves". Her smile returned as she dodged several attacks from Monkey before taking to the air once more.
"Impossible"! Monkey called after her.
"Exactly"!
In an instant, Fenghuang flipped in the air and spun her wings round, which somehow covered her limbs in some sort of blue energy and gathered it into a large orb before shooting it straight into her previous attacker, Monkey. As the strange light hit him, it caused the primate to be in great pain, hell, I could see bloody smoke rising from his fur! Jesus!
The owl just landed in front of him, facing us. I was certain a look of horror and terror was plastered on my face.
"Holy shit". I spoke without even realizing it.
"I'm going to make you feel the pain you caused me. And then, I'm gonna put you out of my misery". Fenghuang smiled wickedly and looked to me. "And maybe get a new snake skin to put on my wall. Could use something to liven up the place". She examined the tips of her sharp feathers, probably thinking of slicing the skin off of me while I was still alive.
"Like hell that's gonna happen lady"! I yelled before attacking.
"Mike, WAIT"!
Too late, I was ready to take this bitch down without hesitation! What I hadn't counted on was for her to use one of those impossible move dealies on me! She whirled round and round and unleashed some sort of green fire at me. The move hit the floor in front of me and nearly sent me into Po if he hadn't moved in time.
God damn it, it didn't half bloody hurt! And the thing hadn't even hit me, it just sent me backwards! I forced myself to coil up in a vain attempt to cure the intense pain now aching behind my ribs.
"Okay Fenghuang, maybe you're like a little more awesome than before. But that still doesn't make you a match for us"!
I looked in Po's direction to see everybody else close together ready to attack. Monkey was already back on his feet so I guess, that hopefully, this pain would vanish or at least loosen up.
Fenghuang attacked again, swooping down from the sky, trying to attempt more impossible moves. Thankfully everyone dodged it. However when I checked on Po, he had somehow managed to get himself stuck under a collapsed pillar. How he managed that, I didn't know but he hadn't done it on purpose as I saw my friend struggle to get out.
One by one, I watched each member of the furious five fall from Fenghuangs impossible moves. As Viper had been swatted away, the pain in my stomach vanished and I was ready to fight again. So I did just that. And ended up in the same state I had been two minutes ago with just as much pain as the first time round. I really need to work on my stealth if I survive this.
I could only see as Po barely pushed off the pillar and began to speak.
"Hang on, you said five new moves. Spears of fire, spinny fast thing, the one where you slam on the ground and the clappy wings deal. What's number five"?
Po, what the hell are you doing? Now's not a good time to ask... wait, what's Shifu doing?
Sure enough, Shifu was on top of one of the towers just above the owl.
He's distracting her? Never knew Po was clever enough to stall. Guess this day is full of surprises.
After waiting long enough, Shifu launched himself from the top of the pillar. Sadly Fenghuang was quicker and intercepted his attack. The both of them fought each other while I struggled to rise. Having two impossible moves performed on you sure took a lot out of you.
Fenghuang got the upper hand and begun to slam Shifu into Po, then the ceiling, and then... she just smashed him as hard as she could into the ground coldly. That looked extremely painful. I could only watch as Po leaned over master Shifu as... as his eyes closed? No. Nononono please don't tell me he's...
I couldn't finish the sentence even in my head as I prayed that it wasn't what it seemed.
"SHIFU"! Po yelled, as to hope he would hear him. Nothing. There wasn't even time to grieve as Fenghuang kept up her attacks, forcing Po to get away as before another beam of blue light passed just where he was standing. From there, a bag of seeds landed in front of me.
"The hell? Isn't this the same bag Po had in the barracks I moaned to myself, pulling out five of the seeds, wondering why Po still had these on his person. Fenghuang then landed near Po who was right behind me.
"You- wait. You had a Shuyong seed"?
Hold on, what? Had a shuyong seed? First off, what does she mean by HAD a seed? Second, is that what I'm holding a bunch of with my tail right now? And third, why is she even fussing over these things to begin with? I mean, they don't look very threatening. Whatever the reason, Po panicked and grabbed the bag behind him before I had the chance to put them back.
"How do you- I'm supposed to be the only one who knows what's going on"!
"Am I missing something here"? I asked confused. My question went ignored as the owl pulled off a different move. This time, some kind of energy ring surrounded her. She fired it straight at the panda, which he dodged instantly. The ring zoomed over my head and back as it was somehow tracking Po. The next thing I knew, Po jumped from pillar to pillar and bounced high enough to grab one of the elderly owl's talons, pulling her down in time as the ring smashed back into her with enough force to send her smashing into the back wall and rendering her unconscious. It was finally over.
Everyone had managed to recover well enough. Well, almost all of us...
Shifu was still lying there on the ground. I slithered over to his... corpse and could only look at him, feeling empty inside. Most of the others joined me. I could swear that each and everyone of them had tears in their eyes. Including me.
"Don't worry guys. I can still save him". Po spoke out, gaining my attention. He had another seed held up into the air like he was about to throw it down hard. What he didn't know was that Fenghuang had already gained consciousness and stole it from him before flying out laughing. I didn't say or do anything about it. I couldn't. All I could do was watch as Po yelled before he took another seed out and threw it onto the ground and-
W-where did he go? He's gone! He just somehow vanished!
"Damn it all, this is too much". I whispered, although it didn't go unnoticed.
"I know. After everything that we've been through, this is the worst".
I turned round and saw Viper. She had tears leaking from her eyes, making the scene for me that much more heartbreaking. I forgot about Po for a moment.
"Viper, I'm- I'm sorry that"-
Before I even finished what I was about to say, Viper had already embraced me and cried, needing a shoulder to do so on, or as close a shoulder you could get with a python. I returned the hug and just waited for it to end.
Only a few minutes had passed and I was now worse off than Viper. I could swear that my eyes were just as red as her were becoming. Longer still, the hug finally broke and I waited for her to move back over before taking another look at the seeds that I still held and throwing them away. I moved over to the rest of the furious five until...
*WOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIII*
A light flashed before me suddenly blinding me and forcing me to shut my eyes. I felt as though a flashbang had just gone off in front of me. I even yelped in surprise before the light quickly died down. When I took another look, the training hall was... completely fine. Everything seemed to be the way it was before Fenghuang attacked.
"What the hell"?
"HEY! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE"?
I spun round to face the doors to see a rather angry Shifu.
...
I guess that's the first chapter up for the new story. For those who are new to my writing, I'd recommend reading my first story, legend of the kung fu python, to help bring you all up to speed.
As for everyone else, this will have little to do with the actual story itself. Just a little something I wanted to write for the fun of it ^^ I hope you enjoy. Cheerio!
