Canadian Crime
How crime really goes down in Canada- based on a true story.
Disclaimer- You know full well I don't own Hetalia!
It was four A. M. as Matthew sluggishly made his way back to his current residence. He opened the door softly, walked in, plopped himself down on the couch and proceeded to flick on the T.V.
He had been working strange hours recently so naturally his sleep patterns where sporadic. He didn't mind much though it just meant more late night programs... And by late night programs I mean pre recorded hockey games.
Because it was so late Matthew didn't cheer as loud as he normally would have lest he wake up Quebec, Ontario, or another one of his children who were soundly sleeping in their respective rooms.
Kumajiro wandered out from the kitchen and crawled onto his owners lap. Matthew pet him absentmindedly his attention focused on the screen ahead of him, at least it was until he felt the polar bear's body tense beneath his hand.
"What's the matter Kumaka? The blond haired nation asked.
"Who!!?"
"We've been over this before... I'm Cana-"
But the bear wasn't looking at Canada he was looking at the door his fur standing alarmingly on end.
Matthew turned off his hockey game a sudden wave of panic entering his belly. With the sounds of the game gone Canada was able to fully hear the sounds from outside- Someone was breaking into his house.
The nation froze. At first he tried to explain the sounds away- It could be Alfred or Gilbert? But that was not the case, Alfred had a key and Gilbert was with Germany this week end.
"I have to call the police!" Matthew realized as he dashed into the kitchen to use the phone. Kumajiro stayed on the couch growling as the sounds of impending danger became worse as the burglar began to figure out the door's lock.
Matthew had his hand on the phone his finger posed over the nine key but just before he could press it a dark thought entered his head.
Now one may not know this about Matthew, about quiet Canada, but he had a dark side. Malicious tendencies that only a select few were privy too, so it's safe to say that when the home invader finally jimmied open the lock and steeped into the house he was not expecting to get hit full force in the face with a hockey stick nor was he expecting to fall to the ground from a second, equally as forceful, blow.
In fact, the poor thief probably had no inkling he would be lying on a cold floor looking up into the crazed eyes of a Canuck as the hockey stick, now red from his own blood, came crashing down over him again and again until he became a crimson, snivelling mass of unconscious flesh.
"Oh maple I think I over did it..." Canada gave a worried laugh as he dropped his weapon to one side, "Perhaps now would be a good time to phone the police eh? Kumahuron..."
The bear agreed and within fifteen minutes the police arrived took one look at the burglar and arrested Matthew for attempted murder.
And that my friends is how crime really goes down in Canada and before you ask yes, Matthew was eventually freed of all charges...eventually....
Right! So that was my crappy little story (based on a similar event that happened to my dad's friend.) It's my first fan fiction so I hope at least one person reads it and revives. It would mean a lot to me!~ Also a crazy hockey stick wielding Matthew would be scary... D:
