Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight! All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer!
BPOV
"So what time are you guys coming home?" I paused to let my buzzed brother speak again. "Noooo, I'm not keeping tabs on you, I just wanted to know if I should set the alarm or…alright, alright, geez. Yeah, Jacob's still here. Yeah, I love you too dear brother. Bye," I told Jasper finally hanging up. Him and his buddies had went out to the bar tonight and I sat at home not wanting to dampen their mood any. But it was OK; I was hanging out with Jacob, my best friend. He's a great guy and he always gave me someone to talk to.
"I don't know how you do it, Bells." Jacob was sprawled out on the couch with his legs dangling from the side holding a bag of Doritos.
"Do what?" I asked.
"Live with three guys. Especially with one of them being you ex-boyfriend." I laughed and shook my head. He always brought this up.
In the beginning it was just Jasper and I and we had always been close. Jasper was only a year older than me. Jacob and I had known each other since we were in diapers. Our fathers had been friends in high school. We met both, Edward and Emmett, in the park one day when I was nine and Jasper was eight. We hit it off instantly and have been friends ever since. I never really had any girl friends, just the guys and me.
Jasper Swan, who is twenty-three, is tall and muscular with wavy brown hair and hazel eyes. He got most of his looks from our mother. In high school, around his graduation time, he was trying to decide where he wanted to go to college. He knew he wanted to get away from Forks, and he did. He applied to LSU, Louisiana State University, and was accepted. He majored in architecture.
Emmett McCarty, my teddy bear, is the same age as Jasper and tall with short curly brown hair and blue eyes. Emmett was accepted to LSU on a football scholarship and he and Jasper decided to rent a house instead of living in the dorms. He majored in business and he and Jasper were always talking about opening up their own business.
Edward Cullen, 22, has messy bronze hair and green eyes. Edward and Emmett's mothers were sisters. Edward and I were high school sweethearts. We started dating soon after we became biology lab partners in the ninth grade. It was really good at first when the romance was still there. When we were seniors after prom I lost my virginity to him and after graduation we joined the other guys at LSU a year after they started. We all moved in together and have been living together since then; it was much easier this way. The break up between Edward and I…. well let's just say it's still hard to think about sometimes. Not really the break up part but what came to that. We never really had a future together. Not like that anyways.
Anyways, then there is me. Ordinary Bella Swan, with my long brown hair and hazel eyes. Jasper and I had both gotten our father's hair and our mother's eyes. Edward and I graduated this year. I always thought I would major in something like Literature or writing but when I was dating Edward I spent a lot of time with his parents. Carlisle, Edward's father, is a doctor and he always said that nurses were the backbone of the medical field and it just stuck. I took my state boards a few days ago and just knew I bombed it. I've been doing all the cooking and cleaning to get my mind off my results. Why does it have to take so damn long? But that wasn't the only thing on my mind lately. For the last couple of years I've been hiding my feeling about a special someone. I know that's a long time to be hording feeling about someone but I couldn't help it. I couldn't take a chance of him not reciprocating the feelings. It would ruin everything. The only person who knows of my feeling is Jacob but he knows better than to say something. Jake's last year of college is coming up. He had been accepted to LSU on a football scholarship, much like Emmett, and was majoring in engineering.
The house we live isn't far from the university. We all have our own bedrooms and the guys gave me the bigger room because it has it's own bathroom while they all share a bathroom. With my feminine need and all they decided they didn't want to look at that stuff everyday. But here we are, living in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The climate was a lot different from Forks's climate but I got use to it.
"It's not that hard, Jake. You know we were all best friends before anything else so it's all good," I told him.
"You mean it never bothers you at all to see him with other women. Or how about when your brother brings someone home or…" I cut him off with a glare.
"I think I see your point, Jake. I want to see them happy. How could it hurt me to see them happy," I said finishing up on my last bit of laundry. I had been folding for what felt like forever.
"Still worried about those test results?" Jacob knew me too well.
"How so you do that?" I asked him, still puzzled on how he always knew how I was feeling.
"Come on, Bells. We've been best friends since we were babies. I know when something's bothering you. When are you supposed to hear something?"
"Any day now," I said picking up the clothesbasket and heading upstairs to disperse them into the guys' bedrooms. I watched my feet carefully; being clumsy was one of my most unappealing traits.
"I'm sure you did fine. Quit worrying," I heard him say from downstairs.
"Yeah right," I mumbled.
I sat the basket down on the table in the hall and took out Edward and Jasper's clothes and carried them to their rooms. After I finished setting the last bit of clothes down on Edwards' bed in his room I went back into the hall and picked up the basket and walked down the rest of the hall to Emmett's room. I sat the basket down on his bed and started taking out his clothes. I brushed my fingers over the embroidery on one of his jerseys that lay on top of one of his many piles of clothes that I had stacked on top of his bed.
"Bella?" a deep familiar voice said from the doorway behind me. I turned around startled, clutching at my chest. Shit! When did they get home? Most importantly, how long had he been standing there? Emmett was standing there in the doorway looking just as sexy as ever wearing his black Aeropostal shirt, faded button fly jeans and his black and grey beanie. "Sorry if I scared you," Emmett said while holding his hands up in an unarmed gesture.
"Um, sorry, I thought you guys would be gone a little later so I thought I would sit your clothes on your bed." I didn't want him to think I was going all psycho stalker on him and sniffing his underwear or something. I'm sure he got enough of that from the girls around town and the clubs.
"No reason to be sorry," he said while stepping into his room and walking towards his dresser. "You know you didn't have to do all our laundry. But thanks anyways, that was sweet of you."
"No problem," I said walking back towards his door to leave. "I didn't mind doing it."
"I've noticed there's a lot of things you've been doing lately. Washing the clothes, all the dishes, cooking, and hell I think I even heard you offer to wash Jazz's truck. What's up, Bella? Something wrong?" He had stripped off his shirt and shoes and was now sitting on the end of his bed looking at me. Damn, don't drool, Bella! Don't drool!
"Nothing, I'm just trying to keep myself busy, ya know?"
"Any particular reason?" he asked.
"Not really," I told him while staring at my feet.
"Uh huh, you know Bells, you've always been a pissy ass liar," he said smirking. "You know you can tell me anything. So tell me what's wrong," he patted the bed beside him and motioned for me to take a seat. I walked over slowly and sat down trying to keep my hormones in check.
"I'm just worried about my scores. I bet I studied over all my NCLEX material like fifty times and when I sat down to take the test it was like my mind just went…. blank." I was shaking my head and rubbing my hands together nervously.
"The test," he said. "Is that the only thing bothering you?" What? What else could be bothering me? I don't know Bella; maybe it's the fact that you're crushing on your absolutely gorgeous roommate! I found myself glancing at his chest a little to long and looked away quickly hoping he hadn't noticed. I'm sure my face was about ten shades of red.
"Um, yeah, what else would be bothering me?" I asked.
"Nothing, I was just curious. I'm sure you did great on your test, Bells. You're just being anxious." He had gotten back up and walked back over to his dresser taking his pajama bottoms out the top drawer. He turned back around to look at me and I got up and made my way back over to the door. I stopped and turned when I heard his voice again. "You should go out tomorrow night and have fun." I guess he noticed the terrified look on my face because he added, "I have an idea. How about I take you out. I heard about this club up town and I've wanted to check it out. What do you say?"
Wait, what? He wanted to take me out? I mean it's not like it's a date or anything. Say something! "Um, sure, thanks," I said giving him a small smile. Maybe this is just what I needed.
"Well I figured it's the least I can do seeing as how good you've been treating us men folk lately," he said jokingly.
"When have I ever not treated you guys good?" I asked crossing my arms across my chest. I smiled letting him know that I was just teasing.
"True," he stated. "So we'll go out and have a few drink and maybe do a little dancing. It'll be fun, just the two of us." I nodded and waved goodnight.
I walked down the stairs to find the other two guys sitting in the living room talking with Jacob. Well…Jasper was talking to Jacob. Edward and Jacob never really got along. Edward was always jealous of mine and Jake's friendship when we were dating and I don't think Jacob ever forgave Edward for what happened about the time we broke up, even though it wasn't his fault.
"Are you staying tonight or are you doing back to Sam's place?" I asked Jacob after shoving his large legs out of the way and plopping down beside him on the couch. Jacob was staying at his friend's Sam's place until school started back up and he could move back in the dorm with the other players.
He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer, "Well I was hoping I could stay here tonight, Sam has his fiancé, Emily, coming over and I won't be getting much sleep if I go back there tonight. Know what I mean?"
"Enough said. You can sleep in my room with me," I said. I really needed some Jacob and Bella time to talk after what happened upstairs.
"He can always sleep in my room," Jasper said walking back in from the kitchen with a sandwich in his hand.
Jacob looked down at me and I narrowed my eyes at him hoping he would get the hint. "Thanks man but I really needed to talk to Bells about something tonight so I'll sleep in there," Jacob said. Edward guffawed and Jacob stiffened and shot him a pointed glare. "Edward…. How have you been?"
"Not to bad, Jacob. I start medical school this fall." Edward was following in his father's footsteps and becoming a doctor.
"Ah, that's good. You should do something…. productive…. with your life." I elbowed Jacob to get him to shut up. He glanced back down and mouthed "OW". I just shook my head and pulled him up off the couch with me.
"We're going to my room. See you guys tomorrow," I said. Jasper nodded and muffled a goodnight through his full mouth. Edward gave me a little wave and glared at Jacob. Men! I would never understand them.
When we made it to the bedroom I shut the door and asked, " When are you and Edward ever going to kiss and make up?"
A look of total disgust crossed over Jacob's russet colored face. " I would rather chew off my own arm before that would ever happen," he said lying across my bed.
"Why is that? What's up with you two?" I asked. He gave me a look as if to say, "Don't go there". "Your not still mad about what happened three years ago are you?" I wished he would just forget about that.
"How could I not be? He broke up with you after what happened, Bella. The guys a dick!" he said a little loudly.
EPOV
To say Jacob Black got underneath my skin would be an understatement. I knew he and Bella were just friends and that's all they ever would be. They just didn't see each other like that. He blames me for what happened to Bella a few years ago, I knew that. Hell, I blamed myself every now and then. Bella and I broke up on good terms and I was happy about that. She's my best friend.
"The guys a dick!" I heard Jacob say rather loudly through Bella's closed door.
I growled and stood up making my way towards her room to confront him about his little outburst but Jasper stopped me and told me to let it go. I walked back over to the chair I was sitting in and sat back down while running my fingers through my already unruly hair. He didn't understand what had really happened between Bella and me that day, even when I tried to explain it to him. A lot of good that did me.
I was sitting in my room trying to process everything that had happened this week. How had everything gotten so fucking complicated? So this was it. We were over but we were still friends. Thank God for that. I don't know what I would do if Bella didn't want me her life in some way. I was happy to still be friends.
My bedroom door swung open and in walked a furious looking Jacob; he had decided to visit Bella while he was on his spring break from high school. He slammed the door back shit and yelled, "What the fuck is wrong with you!?! You break up with her after what happened? What kind of man are you?"
"Jacob, you don't know anything. Bella and I both decided that it was best we just be friends," I tried to explain.
"Friends!!! Oh, how convenient for you!!! Just when she needs you the most you bail on her!!!" he was seething. I tried to calm myself but my patience was wearing thin. Convenient for me? Who the hell did he think he was?
"I am here for Bella! Whenever she needs me, I'm still here! I'm not going anywhere, Jacob. None of us wanted this to happen especially me." I looked at him and couldn't help the hurt that I was starting to feel, "And she's not the only one hurting," I whispered feeling the tears start to burn at my eyes.
"You didn't talk to her for days after she told you. You locked her out, man. How could you have been so selfish?"
"Did Bella explain to you what happened… with her and I, I mean?" I asked.
"She didn't have to. She told me that you two were over and that's all I needed to hear. The way you've acted since I've been here was enough detail for me." I shook my head at him trying to think of a way to get him to understand. I knew I had been avoiding Bella but I was trying to do some soul searching. I couldn't understand my own feelings. And now I did. We were just not meant to be together and even she knew that.
"Jacob, just let me expl…"
"I don't need your explanations, Edward. Just do me a favor while I'm here and stay the fuck away from me or you'll regret it." And with that he walked out my door and slammed it.
BPOV
After Jacob's little outburst I heard muffled whispers outside my door. "Shhhh," I said waving my hands at Jacob. I lay down beside him and turned my body towards him. "You know it was more than that. It wasn't just one-sided, Jake. We broke up with each other. Our relationship just wasn't…. it wasn't to be."
"I know that, it's just…. the circumstances. I blame him for what happened," he sneered quietly. I put my hand on his arm to calm him.
"It wasn't his fault, Jake. I've always been a klutz. You know that. It could have happened to anyone." I thought of that day and felt a sudden sadness wash over me that I hadn't felt in a while.
"So, are you ever going to tell your brother about this?" Jacob said. "I'm sure he'll start to notice soon enough."
"I'll tell him, soon. I want to give Edward a little more time to cope with it all," I told him.
"Is he still upset?" Jacob asked a little to harshly. Ever since he found out he had been a little distant and to tell the truth so had I. We needed to talk about this. Better late than ever, I guess.
"I'm going to go check on him," I said getting out of the chair and walking towards the stairs. I was in my own little world and didn't see Emmett's cleats on the staircase till I tripped over them and tumbled back down the stairs. I heard Jake yelling for Edward as he ran to my side.
"Oh my God! What happened?" I heard Edward yell running down the stairs. My head felt like someone had hit me with a sledgehammer.
"She was on her way up to check on you when she tripped and fell down the stairs. She fell hard, man. Bella? Bella, can you hear me?" Jake asked holding my hand.
"Yeah, my head hurts though," I said pushing myself to stand and trying to dust off my pants.
"Maybe you should be lie down for a little while, love," Edward said.
When I finally straightened all the way up a sharp pain cut into my lower abdomen. I hunched back over clutching at my stomach.
"What? What is it, Bells?" Jacob's face was etched with concern and Edward was trying to hold me up.
The pain in my abdomen started to increase and I couldn't talk from the pain I was filling. My hair had fallen into my face and I raised my hand to push my hair behind my ear when I noticed it. Blood. My hand was covered in blood. I looked over to Edward and saw him standing there wide eyed at the blood.
The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed. I grimaced at the I.V. sticking out of my right hand. That's when I felt the hand wrapped around my left hand. I looked over to see the last person I expected to see holding my hand, Emmett. He was leaned over in his chair with his head resting on my bed. How long had he been here? Where was everyone else? I gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he slowly turned his head to look up at me. When he saw I was awake he jumped from his seat and pulled me into a hug.
"Thank God your awake. I am soooo sorry, Bella. This is my entire fault. If I had put my damn shoes where they belong you wouldn't have fallen. We were all so worried about you," he said into my hair. I felt my hair dampen slightly and pulled him back to look at him. He had tears in his eyes and I felt my heart break.
"Aw, sweetie, it's not your fault. I should have been watching where I was going. Please don't blame yourself," I said as I wiped away his tears and gave his hand another gentle squeeze. I looked around again before I asked, " Where is everyone? How long have I been asleep?" I had so many questions. How much had the doctor told them?
"Their downstairs in the cafeteria. You've been out for two days now. The doctor said that you must have hit your head pretty hard and that you would be out of it for a little while because of the, um, blood loss."
Before I could ask anything else the doctor walked in and smiled after seeing me awake. "Glad to see you back. I'm Dr. Volturi. How are you feeling, Isabella?"
"Just Bella, please. I'm a little dizzy. What happened?" I asked. He looked at Emmett and Emmett made a move to get up but I grabbed his hand to stop him. I couldn't hear this alone is it was bad news. "Please stay." He nodded and I looked back toward the doctor.
"OK then, well, you brought into the ER after your fall and we brought you back and did some test and X-rays," he said. " There were no skull fractures but from the blood loss we had to give you a transfusion." I nodded taking in all this new information. The question I really needed to know was still unanswered.
I squeezed Emmett's hand even harder and asked, " What about the baby?" I saw out of the corner of my eye, Emmett snapped his head back to me and then back to the doctor.
"I'm afraid the baby didn't make it. You had a bad fall, Bella, and the blood loss was too great. I'm sorry." I couldn't hold the tears threatening to spill over any longer. I put my head in my hands and continued to cry as I heard the doctor and Emmett talking but at the time I couldn't make out the words. A few seconds after I heard the door shut I felt the bed beside me shift and I felt Emmett rubbing soothing circles on my back. I leaned into and cried. After a while I guess I fell asleep because when I woke up the room was dark and everyone was asleep except for Jasper. Emmett was laying beside me and Edward and Jacob were occupying the couch with their heads propped up against the wall.
"Hey," Jasper whispered.
"Hey," I said giving him a sad smile. I knew Emmett hadn't told anyone yet and I wasn't sure if the doctor or Jacob had either. "Did the doctor tell you anything?"
"No, by the time I got here, um, Jacob had talked to the doctor and informed me about what happened and that you'd probably be out for a little while.
"Jasper, can you wake Edward and Jacob up for me? I don't think I'll be able to say this twice." He nodded and made his way across the room to wake them. I nudged Emmett a little. He stirred and looked up at me.
"You feeling any better?" he whispered.
"My head feels better but my heart feels a little heavy at the moment," I told him. He sat up in the bed and put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me under his arm.
"We'll get through this. It's gonna be OK," he said into my ear. I nodded and looked up to see all the guys standing around the bed.
"The doctor came in earlier while you guys were in the cafeteria," I said.
"Yeah, Emmett told us but he wouldn't tell us what he said," Edward said.
"Jasper, about a two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant," I said looking at my brother. His lips parted and he nodded slowly. I turned my gaze to Edward, "He, um…. the doctor…. said that the blood loss was too great and that we lost the baby." I watched as Jasper and Edward's heads lowered and neither of them said anything. Jacob came over to my bedside and wrapped me up in his warm embrace.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say or do to make you feel better but I promise I'll be here. I've got to head back to school soon but you know I'm only a phone call away. I love you, Bells," Jacob said.
"I love you too, Jake." I looked up at all the rest of my guys, "I love all of you."
"Can you all give me and Bella and minute talk," Jasper finally said.
The all nodded and Emmett gave me one last squeeze before getting up and walking over to Edward and walking him out the door. Edward looked lost.
When they all left the room Jasper turned his attention back to me, " Why didn't you tell me, Bella?"
"I wasn't sure how to. God, I can't believe this is happening. This is all my fault. If I hadn't been having all those doubts and if I hadn't been so damn clumsy I…" he cut me off with a raise of his hand. I wiped away the tears that had started to fall.
"What do you mean doubts. You were having doubts about the baby?" he asked.
"No," I whispered trying to keep my voice down, "The only ting I was sure of was that baby. I was having doubts about me and…," I looked over to where Edward had been sitting earlier. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I was having doubts about our relationship. I knew he would stay with because of the baby but I didn't want that life. I couldn't picture having a family with Edward.
"Oh, I see. Are you still having doubts?" I shook my head no and could feel the tears leaking out and falling down my face.
"I wanted the baby. I really did. I was happy about the baby. Jasper, I'm not having doubts anymore because I know that Edward and I just aren't what each other need anymore. I just… can't see myself raising a child with him. I've always loved Edward. But now I'm not so sure I was ever in love with Edward," I told him.
"You should tell him, Bells. Before something like this happens again. Neither of you should be the type to settle for something just because it looks right. It needs to feel right." And I knew he was right.
As soon as we got home the next day Edward and I went to his room to talk. He told me how he had been feeling and I told him how I had been feeling. We split on good terms and I was happy to still have him in my life. It took a while after that to get over the lose of the baby but with the help of everyone the pain seemed to fade but never really went completely away.
I told Jacob about the discussion that I had with both, Jasper and Edward. It was hard to see two of my favorite people in the world always at each other's throat and I told him how I felt about it.
"I didn't know it was upsetting you like this. And I'm sorry that I never listened to Edward when he tried to explain it to me. I was just so angry. Ya know?" he told me.
"It's not me that you should be apologizing to, Jake. Just talk to him. I'm sure you both have things that you want to get off your chests," I said.
"I'll do that," he said.
We sat and talked for a while about Emmett and I. "It's not a date, Jake. But, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act. I guess I'm just nervous. I've had all these feelings bottled up for so long and I'm scared I'm gonna do something wrong. I really don't want to fuck this up," I told Jacob.
"Bella, you've never seen yourself clearly. He'd be lucky to have you. Just go with the flow tomorrow night. Have fun and get a little crazy. Not too crazy," he smirked. Hmmm we'll see.
A/N: Let me know what you all think. Is it worth continuing? R&R
