Rating: T to be on the safe side but probably less
Disclaimer: Paramount owns the world etc but I own the fic :P
Notes: J and C angsty. I have tried not to write anything like this but I was in a sad mood so I did…
Based on the hidden track on Alanis Morisette's album 'jagged little pill' (lyrics found here)
Beta read by Captain Crystal
Feedback to me
I went to your house today. Luckily neither of you were in. I walked up your steps and passed through the door. I looked through your belongings, and regretfully saw that you had gotten rid of everything that was a reminder of me. Did you do it? Or did she? A very painful question that I shall never know the answer to. More questions flash through my mind. Is she still Seven of Nine to you? Or is she Annika, the woman I saw in Unimatrix zero? The woman who knew how to love. Have you ever wished that it wasn't her in your bed? Wished it were someone else? Wished it were me? Have you ever daydreamed when you are with her, of someone else? Of me?
I'm still single. I always will be. I tried to move on. I really did. When Peter and I made love, I was so focused on you that I called your name out. He left me, of course. How could his ego stand to be with a woman who had called out someone else's name in bed? I'll never get you out of my mind. My mind is overrun with images and thoughts. Unfulfilled wishes. I don't know what you'd call them. Dreams? Desires? Wishes? One thing I do know is that I will go to my grave loving you, as I have since the moment you set foot on my bridge. But I'll have loved a man whom I have never shared my life with.
The tears slide down my face but I'm frozen to this spot on your bed. I should leave. I must leave. I slide off your bed, sorrowfully remembering that it's her bed as well. Unable to control myself in this house anymore, I blindly run to the door. As I shut the door behind me, I can't help but wish I could shut this door on my pain as well. Thankfully there is no-one here to see me like this. I love you. Please forgive me. I wish that you would seek me out before I do something that I will regret. The thoughts have crossed my mind. I wish it could be different so badly. But I waited too long. I've hurt you too much. I'm so sorry, Chakotay. Please forgive me Chakotay.
"I love you," I sob against the doorframe… "I love you…"
