A/N: This is just a short drabble inspired by the millions of motorbikes that have driven by my house today. I think I've gone deaf or something. But yeah, this is all about Sirius's one true love: Barbara. If you don't know who that is then… well… read on and find out.

Disclaimer: Do not own the puppies, sadly. Boo hoo.

Mates and Motorbikes

Remus Lupin considered himself to be a tolerant man. After all, he had to have some measure of patience to live with Sirius Black. When his friend and flat-mate decided to spend all their grocery money and half their monthly savings on a beastly, leathery, noisy machine was when the patience ended and the problems began.

"You did what?"

"I spent our money on this lovely girl! Isn't she gorgeous?" Sirius patted his new motorbike lovingly.

"I- I-" Remus tried to stay calm. "Why?"

"I wanted her. She's my soul mate, Moony!"

Remus felt a vein throb in his temple. "Can't you find a soul mate that's, I don't know, alive?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Do you know how to ride it?"

Sirius shrugged. "How hard could it be?"

Remus resisted the urge to slap his friend. "Sirius, that thing is a death trap on wheels. Why would you possibly want it?"

"What man doesn't want a motorbike at some point in his life?"

"Still… couldn't you find one a bit less… old?"

Sirius gasped dramatically and flung himself protectively over the bike. "Don't listen to him, Barbara! He's just jealous that you're so much prettier than him!"

"I am not jeal- wait. Oh ho ho, wait one second. Did you just call that thing Barbara?"

"Yes. Do you like it?"

"You are not naming that thing. There is no way that I am letting you name that death trap Barbara."

"Do you think she's more of a Rachel?"

"I think she's more of a 'THERE IS NO WAY I AM LETTING YOU KEEP THIS THING.'"

Sirius frowned. "You're right, Barbara sounds better."

"Padfoot… you've reached a new level of stupidity that I didn't think was possible."

"You're words wound me, Moony, but never fear. I know it's just your jealousy crazed mind doing the talking."

"I am not jealous of that thing!"

"Of course you are, Moony. You're afraid that Barbara will take up all my time and I'll leave you to wither in some corner alone or, even worse, leave you to turn to James and Lily for company. But there is no way I'd resign you to such a fate! You're my friend, and above that my flat-mate, and therefore I need you alive so you can keep paying rent."

Remus was practically fuming. "I am NOT JEALOUS of that BLOODY CONTRAPTION. I can't even believe I'm talking to you about this! I am not jealous of Barbara and I never will be! We're sharing the rent for this flat and so I'm staying here until I lose my sanity or die, whichever comes first. Now would you stop grinning like an idiot?"

Sirius laughed. "Oh Moony, you're so silly sometimes." He paused. "You called her Barbara."

Remus sputtered indignantly. "I- I did not! Now out of my way, Pads, we're going inside."

Remus pushed past Sirius and made his way to the front door, fumbling for his key. Sirius patted his motorbike once more and followed his friend to the door.

"I think I should change her name to Jasmine, what do you think?"

Remus only growled angrily in response.