NOT Sailor Moon! – By DS Wynne

***

Disclaimer: "Sailor Moon", "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and other genres don't belong to me.

Note: This is an attempt at parodying by fusing two concepts.  I'm still stuck on "Sailor Moon ST" (specifically, I'm on the part where Usagi descends into…).  Anyway, please bare with me!

***

Scene: In the "lair" of Washu, Masaki shrine, Okayama….

"Ah, yeah we would love to make it to the ice cream social, but-" began Tenchi Masaki

"But what, Tenchi?" Kogato asked with suspicion.

"Yeah, lie to us!" yelled Kane

"We are kinda running behind-"

"WE HAVE BECOME…ONE!" yelled Washu triumphantly.

Apparently, Tenchi and Washu, as part of Washu's latest experiment, have fused together.  Unfortunately, their heads were connected by one neck, but with no torso.

[Begin opening "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" sequence, modified by the Sailor Scouts' appearances.]

Scene: In the living room, in the home shared by Serena (aka "Sailor Moon"), Raye (aka "Sailor Mars") and Amy (aka "Sailor Mercury"), Serena is watching a puppet show.

Puppet (on TV):  This is your left, that's your left.  This is your left, THAT'S YOUR LEFT.  This is your right, that's your right.  This is your, YOU'RE GONNA DIE.

Serena: Hey, this is good TV.   Hey, wake up!

Raye (who was napping on her recliner): Yawn.  What?"

Serena: This is some good TV.

Raye: Change it.

Serena: I ain't changing it!

Raye: Change it.

Serena: To what?  Come on!  You're missing some good TV.

Raye: Let's have the arrow decide.

Serena: "Ah, wait-!

FWOOSH!

Serena: Ah!

Raye: And, it's been changed.  The changeling.

Amy (from her room): What was that?

Raye: What do you think it was?!

Serena: It was you, girl!

Raye: What the-?  Hey, this closet was FULL of TVs last time I checked!  And now, there's none!

Serena: That's because you keep breaking them!

Raye: That's because you keep pissing me off too bad.  You should be lucky that I throw my anger at the media, and not your buttocks!

Amy: Both of you get in here!

Serena and Raye goes into Amy's room, which is full of exotic equipment.

Ami: You know, I've been cloning the TVs with my cloner-

Raye: You have a cloner?

Amy: You know damn well that I have a cloner!  And you know what?  I'm tired of it.

Serena: Give us another chance!

Raye: Yeah!  From this day forward…

Amy: Fine, here's another.  Now remember, this is your last TV set-

BOOM!

Raye (after shooting the new TV with yet another arrow): I hope that's TRULY not it.

Amy: Fine, Raye, f- it!

Serena: Please!  It's the only thing that keeps me company after I come home from work to the wife and kids!

Amy and Raye looks at Serena strangely.

Amy: Look, I can't keep cloning TVs like this.  Eventually, something strange will be produce, thanks to the straining of the molecular-.

Raye: Ah, stop talking "nerd-ese" just give us another TV, and we'll take care of it.

Serena: From this day forward.

Amy: Fine, here you go, 'cuz THIS is the last TV.

Amy sets up the TV, and leaves the house.

Raye: You will produce more TVs, 'cuz I said so!"

Serena: She's gone.

Raye tries to knock the TV to the floor, but the floor starts to attack them.

Raye (after getting a baseball bat): Come back here!

Raye chases the TV around the living room.

Serena: Hey, TV is moving, isn't it?

Raye: That's none of your business!

Raye continues to chase the TV.

Serena: Oh I'm in the business alright. (To himself) Business of kicking your ass. And let me tell you, business is booming. Business is giving you the business.... up your butt. (Sees Raye watching her). Did you hear that?
Raye: Looking to expand your business?
Serena: .... Business is closed!

(Raye begins to chase Serena around the room with the baseball bat, before being chased by the "demonic" TV.)

After the TV is tied down with chains…

Raye: Go ahead, turn it on.

Serena: I ain't turning it on!

Raye: Go ahead.  I'll give you something.

Serena: What?

Raye: Six months, and girl, your condition is terminal!

Serena: Fine.  Be that way!

CLICK!

(The TV shows Amy's room.  Raye is there.)

Serena: Hey! You're on TV!

Raye: I know that!  This my new sitcom-

TV-Raye (who is acting rather sinister): CALL me…hehehehehe!

Raye: …With a sci-fi horror twist.

TV-Raye (who is getting lots of money from the cloner): HEHEHEHEHE!

Serena: Hey!  You shouldn't be in Amy's room.  Where did you get the money?

Raye: I, uh, I was a gangster in this one.

Serena: And you're using Amy's cloner!

Raye: The cloner- THE CLONER!  Give me some money!"

Serena: Okay, now here's a Dollar.  My mom gave this to me for my birthday-

Raye (snatches the money from Serena): Thank you, Momma!

Serena: Hey, b****!

(The demon TV reveals on its screen…)

TV-Amy: Hey!  What the hell are you doing in my room!

Serena: Uh, oh, Raye is in trouble.

TV-Raye: I'm sorry.  I'm just getting money for my grandpa.

Serena: Yeah, right.

TV-Amy: Oh, that's okay.  Besides, your grandpa could use your INSURANCE money instead!

TV-Raye: Wha-?
TV-Amy takes a shotgun out and blasts TV-Raye.

Serena: Oh no!  Raye!

TV-Amy: That's for being in my room, you b-!

Raye (who is still alive and in Amy's room): What do you want?!

Serena: Uh, nothing.

(The demon TV changes channel, revealing a TV-Serena dancing with candy-canes and ginger-bread men.)

TV-Serena: Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala-!

Serena: Oh, this is SO good.

TV-Amy (who arrives with a candy cane): Can I dance?

Serena: Don't let her dance!  Don't let her dance-!

TV-Serena: Sure!  Lalalalalalalalalala-!

Serena:  Oh, it's okay, then.

TV-Amy (cocks her candy-cane): Say, do you want some 'CANE?

BLAM!  BLAM!  BLAM!

Serena: NOOOOOOOOOOO-!

Amy: Serena, what's wrong?

Serena: Keep away from me!  Just keep away from me!

Amy: Serena!

Serena: Somethings wrong with that TV.
Amy: Nothings wrong with that TV.
(The demon TV starts gushing blood)
Amy: Okay, there's something wrong with that TV

(Amy takes the TV outside, and sees her next door neighbor Melvin.)

Melvin: So, you have another busted TV, eh?

Amy: Uh, yeah.

Melvin: Well, I'll have someone pick it up for you.

Amy: Thanks.

(Amy goes back inside.)

Melvin: Cool, I have a freakin' free TV!

(Amy goes into her room, and sees a duffle bag full of money.)

Amy: Raye, you're using my cloner to make money?!

Raye: Whatever, I'm going shopping.

Amy: Didn't I tell you what would happen if-

Raye: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  You ought to enjoy yourself more.  See ya!

SLAM!

(Amy looks at the dollar.)

Amy: Hmmm.  I KNOW it's illegal, but I can open a chain of shelters and clinics!

(Amy starts cloning One Dollar bills.)

RING!

Amy: What?  I'm busy!"

Melvin (over the phone): I know I can't stand ya, but you have a great TV set.

Amy: Umm…

(TV-Melvin and TV-Amy shares a can of beer.)

Melvin: I look good, too!  Thanks to that chicken-skin diet I'm on-

(TV-Amy takes out a shot-gun and blast TV-Melvin…and smiles at the real Melvin.)

Melvin: Oh, my god…YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MYT HOUSE.  YOU HEAR ME?!

CLICK!

(Raye returns home, wearing a rocket pack.)

Raye: Say, I'm BAAAAAACK!

Serena: You're alive?  Say, I can use that pack of yours?"

Raye: No.

(Raye sees the piles of cash in Amy's room.)

Raye: MONEY!

Amy: Hey!  Give that back!

Serena: Hey, I provided the seed money.

Raye (throws money at Serena): Here's the return of your investment.  Now scram!

(Raye turns her attention back to the piles of money, only to have a shotgun in her face.)

Amy (through gritted teeth): You better stay the hell away from MY money, or-

CLICK!

Serena (with a pistol pointed backwards, only, it's upside down): You two better not RAISE up in here!

Amy: you got it upside down.

Raye: Here, let me help you with that.

(Raye turns Serena's gun right-side up, but it is still pointed backwards.)

Serena: Feh, like I believe.  You're lying!

FWOOSH!

(From the cloner, George Washington, made out of money, emerges.)

GW: I cannot tell a lie.

Raye: Who let the hippie in here?  The 'Dead are dead.  And have you ever heard of soap?

Amy: That's George Washington.

GW: Sigh.  I am.

Raye: So what's he here for anyway?

GW: When this great nation was founded, the Founding Fathers threw off the yoke of taxation without representation.  So, do you understand the evils of avarice?

Raye: Take him out.

GW: NO-!

(Amy and Serena blasts George Washington.)

BLAM!  BLAM!  BLAM!  BLAM!

Raye: Well, that's that.

Serena (gets up, after being knocked down by the kick of her .44 Magnum): Did I get him?

Amy: Huh.  We should have cloned 20s.  Jackson wouldn't given a ****.

Fin.

Author's note: Just a little wackiness.  Be gentle in your reviews.