Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are not mine. Tolkien created them.

WARNING: This story is pure silliness. It is up to you whether there is super-mild implied slashy qualities; I did not mean them to be there, and yet...

There is also an understandably bitchy Arwen; so if you are a die-hard Arwen fan, you may not want to read...or you may. I won't make that decision for you.

The Secret Letters of the Secret Appendix

Dear Arwen,
I am writing to tell you a something which I believe may pain you. Please, do not take it to be a weakness in character on Eowyn's part. She loved me for the same reasons you love me; and more. She did not realize that I was betrothed to you. Now, I must tell you. I return Eowyn's love. I am very sorry. Please forgive me. You are free from the mortal world now; your life may take place with your family.
My Apologies,
Aragorn

Dear Aragorn,
You are marrying that little wench? I am disgusted! I am sorry for the lateness of this reply, but I had to first do some errands and secure my future. I spoke to dear Galadriel, and she recommended I find an upstanding, loyal Elf to marry.
Alas, the most upstanding, loyal Elf, according to my grandmother, and all those I have spoken too, seems to be you loyal best friend, Legolas. My father spoke to his father; they have arranged our wedding.
My congratulations,
Arwen

Dear Legolas,
I am sorry to hear about your wedding. I attempted to be reasonable with Elrond, but he insists you shall marry Arwen. I spoke to Galadriel and although she was sympathetic, she believes that it is your time to marry. I tried to speak with your father, but he refused me.
My deepest regrets,
Aragorn

Dear Arwen,
I have spoken to my father; he will not stay this wedding. Both Aragorn and I have tried to reason with your father; and neither of us has gotten through. Please do not make me marry you. You are a wonderful, mature Elf; yet I am just an adventurous Elf who would like to stay with my dear friends here, and then move on with Gimli to explore the West. Please let me do this. I implore you to let me stay at least to see the lives of my friends lived out.
Please, I implore you,
Legolas

Dear Legolas,
No. Our marriage will take place five months after Aragorn's and it shall be the grandest affair of our time. It shall even beat the tales told by your friends Frodo and Bilbo of hobbit celebrations.
Best Wishes from you Fiancé,
Arwen

Dear Arwen,
I congratulate you on your upcoming wedding. I am not interested in glitter and gold for my wedding, so I suppose your wedding will indeed be grander and Aragorn and I will be happy to attend. But, I plan to make my marriage filled with gold. I beg you, do not make Legolas marry you quite so soon. He needs time to settle, to get used to the love he is to share with you. Give him the time he needs so that your infinite marriage can be grander than your glittery wedding.
Sincerely,
Eowyn

Dear Eowyn,
I must apologize; I was too busy planning my own wedding to go to yours. Legolas will attend; I believe he was your best man. Soon he will be mine.
Greatest luck,
Arwen

Dear Legolas
Thank-you for your gift of scented bath salts, although I do not really understand why you had to include the remark of how to use them. I suppose Arwen wrote it; please inform her that the females of Rohan do know what a bath is. It is the males of Rohan that are afraid of water!
Thank-you,
Eowyn

Dear Arwen,
I must stay in Gondor for a time longer. Our wedding must take place later than you planned. My dear friend Aragorn is dying; his health is failing. His ailment came on only a week after his wedding; now, another week, and he is almost gone. From the symptoms it appears to be a sort of rapid aging; I do not understand it. Please, ask your father or grandmother to send some advice; I have enclosed the details of the illness on a separate sheet.
From,
Legolas

Dear Legolas,
Aragorn is suffering from an ailment that is seen very rarely in humans. He is dying from grief. His family has died; and now he has married Eowyn because he did not want to see Arwen die. He gave up his life so she could be immortal. I am deeply sorry; I hope this letter reaches you before he passes on. Nothing can be done. I think, perhaps, it would not be good to tell Eowyn this, although I believe she may realize this on her own as I have heard she is very insightful for her race.
Sincerely,
Galadriel

Dear Arwen,
Aragorn died last month. I miss him dearly, and I am thankful that I had my time with him. I hope you know how much he loved you even at his death.
Now, to speak of the matter of Legolas. He was dear friends with Aragorn, and he still would like to stay in his land for a little longer. Also, although I do not believe I should mention it, I will: please do not separate Legolas from his friends. The Fellowship become very close over the time they spent together.
Thankfully, Faramir and his clan have been very supportive in this sad time.
Regrets,
Eowyn

Dear Arwen,
I am feeling ill. I believe I may die of grief from losing my friend, Aragorn. I am deeply grieved; please do not force me into this wedding so quick. Eowyn and Faramir's wedding is set for just four months after hours; it will be very tough for everyone to travel to meet us at Rivendell. Please delay the wedding. Please.
Please,
Legolas

Dear Legolas,
I have asked my father and my grandmother and have found out it is impossible for an adult Elf to die of grief from losing his friend. I have delayed our wedding for a year. I hope this will solve any issues you have.
Love,
Arwen

Dear Frodo, Sam, and Rosie, Merry and Pippin,
It has been a year since dear Aragorn's death and I miss him dearly. Now, though, I am writing to announce my engagement to Faramir. He is a dear soul who helped my through this very tough year. I will send you an invitation when we have set date.
Love,
Eowyn

Dear Eowyn and Faramir,
Frodo, Pippin, Merry and I do plan to come to your wedding; however, my dear Rosie is too far with child to come. We all feel very sorry for Legolas and hope that Arwen does not make Legolas enter a union before he is ready.
Faramir, Congratulations on your upcoming wedding to Eowyn and your stewardship of Gondor. I hear Eowyn will continue to be Queen; I am glad to hear this as she is a wonderful young woman.

Congratulations,
Sam

Dear Eowyn,
I am every so sorry, I will not be able to come to your wedding to Faramir. Legolas did invite me as his guest; but alas, I am simply too busy. Do you have guest registry this time, so I don't do anything wrong this time?
Greetings,
Arwen

Dear Arwen,
We will forgive you for not being able to attend your wedding. I congratulate you on your upcoming wedding to Legolas. However, I must warn you that Legolas and Gimli are very good friends and I believe it will greatly lessen the stress on Legolas if you let Gimli stay with you.
Sincerely,
Eowyn PS. What is a gift registry?

Dear Arwen,
You missed a grand celebration. Faramir and Eowyn's wedding was one of true love and therefore more beautiful than any wedding just filled with gold and silver. I still fill ill and I am worried that I may indeed be the first Elf to die from grief from losing a friend. Please, let me live and roam around a bit before we marry and go to the West; a few years is nothing to us. Please. I implore you.
Please,
Legolas

Dear Legolas,
No. I already sent out the invitations.
Your future wife,
Arwen

Dear Faramir and Eowyn,
We are inviting you to the wedding of Arwen and Legolas, to take place September 3rd.
Regards,
Elrond

*On poster in Shire post office*
Missing: Tall blond Elf with blue eyes.
Last seen in Rivendell on September the 2nd with several hobbits, two
humans and a dwarf.
Reward offered by Elrond and his Council.