DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY. IT IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.
A/N: I have uploaded this chapter again. Following ButterScotch Maiden's suggestion. I have changed the name of the female Cousland from 'Lily' to 'Lisa' in this chapter to avoid confusing her with Jowan's girlfriend in the game who is also named 'Lily'
Chapter 1: An assassin for hire
Not even five minutes had passed since they had set up camp and nearly everyone had got out their laptops. Wynne looked on in silent disapproval as all the youngsters were glued to their respective screens.
Morrigan was amused at the different comments that she was getting for her latest upload. It was a picture of her wearing a gorgeous necklace made from various gems that they had collected in different thaigs of the deep roads.
Leilana was the first one to comment.
Leilana: Awesome, see, didn't I tell you it would look superb.
(One minute ago)
Morrigan: You, my dear always have such impeccable taste.
(A few seconds ago)
Alistair: LOL. My dog back in Redcliffe has a better dog collar.
(One minute ago)
Morrigan:Ah! And I'm sure they must have made you wear it occasionally. At weekend parties perhaps? You must have passed off well, as a mangy little puppy!
(A few seconds ago)
Alistair:and I thought, you were the shape shifter here.
(A few seconds ago)
Oghren:ROFL.
(One minute ago)
Leilana:Oh, come on now. I'm sure that if Alistair were to look like a puppy, he would be an adorable one.
(One minute ago)
Bann Alfstanna, Habren, Kaitlyn, and Dagna like Leilana's post.
Habren:Leilana's right. Alistair would look so cute as a puppy.
(A few seconds ago)
Bann Alfstanna:I agree.
(A few seconds ago)
Kaitlyn:So do I.
(A few seconds ago)
Dagna likes this
Alistair just updated his status:
Blushing.
(One minute ago)
Oghren:LOL.
(A few seconds ago)
Rendon Howe:ROFL.
(A few seconds ago)
Alistair:Hey, who let you onto this chat?
(One minute ago)
Rendon Howe:Sorry.
(A few seconds ago)
Leilana:He's not on my friends list.
(A few seconds ago)
Morrigan:Not mine.
(A few seconds ago)
Alistair:or mine.
(A few seconds ago)
Lisa Cousland:OMG. He's on mine. How did he get there?
(One minute ago)
Fergus Cousland:Did you accept any friends' requests from strangers?
(One minute ago)
Lisa Cousland:Well, there was this dude named, 'Call me Arl'. He had a nice profile pic and… wait, brother you're alive! Where are you and what are are you doing on facebook?
(A few seconds ago)
Fergus Cousland:Who me? Of course I'm alive. My unit was ambushed during our scouting mission. Most of my men were killed. R.I.P. The rest of us were injured and taken in by some Chasind wilders. Cool folk, these guys. They have such odd ways though. They still crude use wooden spears to hunt and fish! LOL
(A few seconds ago)
Lisa Cousland:Are you all right brother?
(One minute ago)
Fergus Cousland:Of course, these Chasind have some guys called shamans or something. They're good with magic. Managed to heal all my wounds except for the deeper ones in my legs. They said I'll be able to walk in six to seven months, max.
(A few seconds ago)
Lisa Cousland:I'm so happy that you're alive, brother.
(A few seconds ago)
Fergus Cousland:Oh yes. These shamans also have the ability to make those mana stones required to run our laptops and other such stuff. It seems they learned it from the Avers or something, from Orlais.
(One minute ago)
Lisa Cousland:They are called Avvars dear brother and they are from the Frostback Mountains. Right here in Ferelden. Not in Orlais. Aldous won't be happy.
(One minute ago)
Fergus Cousland:LOL. Who cares?
(A few seconds ago)
Morrigan:Excuse me, isn't this supposed to be a discussion about the picture that I have uploaded. You have the chat feature for your personal chats, you know.
(A few seconds ago)
Fergus Cousland:Oh, sorry. I liked your picture… Miss Morrigan. Amazing neckline! I mean necklace.
Alistair, Oghren, Bann Ceorlic, Bhelen Aeducan and Loghanin Mac Tir like Fergus Cousland's post.
(A few seconds ago)
Oghren:ROFL.
(A few seconds ago)
Alistair:ROFL. Hey, how did Loghain come here?
(A few seconds ago)
Loghain Mac Tir:Oops.
(A few seconds ago)
Mean while, Wynne was busy making dinner. She was roasting some delicious smelling game that the men had caught on the way to camp. As she stared at the others, whilst doing her work, she found that she couldn't comprehend what was in those weird notebooks that all these youngsters nowadays were carrying around.
They weren't around in her time and she had never seen or heard of anything such thing in the Circle Tower.
The Warden had explained to her that these 'computers' were invented five years ago by the tranquils who worked outside the circle. This invention had given birth to the internet and later on Facebook.
Facebook was the latest craze and almost everyone was on it. Even the Chasind had it? So was the Circle even more primitive than the Chasind?
The Warden had also created a Facebook account for her Mabari. In fact, Wynne and Sten were the only ones at camp who weren't hooked on to this crazy thing. She could understand the usefulness of it for long distance communication. But why do you need to chat with someone on a computer, when he's sitting right next to you?
After a few moments she called everyone for dinner.
The reactions were immediate. Everyone began furiously typing away on their laptops, saying their goodbyes and logging off. After clicking their computers shut, they made their way to the centre of camp were Wynne had already laid out the plates.
While the Warden and her companions were busy eating their meals, in another part of Ferelden, two of the primary antagonists of Dragon Age Origins, were still logged into their accounts and chatting.
Loghain Mac Tir:Howe, the Wardens caught me on their chat. I couldn't resist. That witch of theirs is too hot. They might suspect that we are tracking their movements by hacking into their accounts. We need to find some other way.
Rendon Howe:I was caught too ser. I agree with you. Hacking is not so feasible now. We need to find a more permanent solution. Oh, and you're right. That witch really is hot.
Loghain Mac Tir:Any suggestion, my twisted henchman?
Rendon Howe:with your permission ser, let me hire some assassins. Have you heard of the 'Antivan Crows'? They are the best. The one I have particularly in mind…
Anora enters her father's room, only to see him furiously typing away. She becomes angry.
"I swear father, you're even worse than me. Its bedtime and I want to hear a story!"
Loghain sighed and got up from the chair, turning around to face his daughter. She had a ridiculously childish pout and was holding her favorite brown teddy bear with a faded dirty red ribbon around his neck.
"Read me a story papa," she cried, "or I won't go to bed and cry the whole night,"
Loghain grunted. "All right." and followed his daughter to her bedroom.
Who would believe that the queen of Ferelden still sleeps with a teddy bear in her arms and makes her father read a bedtime story to her every night, he thought. I wonder what Cailan did to make her sleep?
While Loghain read Anora a bedtime story, Arl Howe was busy plotting the demise of the Grey Wardens. He went to the exclusive, Antivan Crows' Facebook page and searched among the assassins for hire.
He clicked on one of them and sent a friend request. Sending a friend request to an assassin was a code for 'I want to hire you'
The moderator of the page controlled all the assassin's accounts and would then accept your request and would contact you for the details of the job. Once the job is done and the money had changed hands, he will unfriend you so that you can rehire the same or a different assassin the next time.
Howe waited for five minutes and then refreshed his page. His request had been accepted. He smiled with satisfaction.
A/N:I hoped you liked it. I don't have much experience with the humor genre and this is my first real foray into it. So please give me your suggestions and criticisms. I really need them to improve and will be very happy to respond to all of you ASAP.
As you must have deduced, Zevran is the assassin being hired and will show up in the next chapter. His Facebook antics however, might rise up the rating of this story. You have been warned! Also, in the next chapter, Wynne will join Facebook. I'm not sure about Sten though. What do you guys think?
