Waiting
I was sitting on a chair in Charlie's kitchen waiting, impatiently.
It always had me worried, when he was out hunting. And now I had even more reason to be worried, he was out looking for her. Victoria. The name shot tremors down my spine. Victoria, the beautiful pale vampire with hair so red, that it looked like fire if you saw it from far away. She had come for me. She wanted me dead.
Edward had killed her mate James, and now Victoria wanted to kill me.
Last spring break James had started hunting me; he'd tricked me and gotten me to meet him. Just when he was about to finish me of Edward had come and saved my life, killing James. So now Victoria thought it fair to kill me. Mate for mate. Only she didn't know…
But I couldn´t think about that now, not when I was so consumed with worry. What if he didn't come back?
My fretting was silly really, as he'd told me a million times. He wouldn't get hurt; he was almost as close to indestructible as you get. But still, the slightest possibility of losing him, it was unbearable.
I looked at the clock hanging above the door in Charlie's little kitchen, 11 p.m. I had been sitting here for almost two hours now.
When I'd gotten home, I´d cooked dinner for Charlie and then done my homework very thoroughly, lying on the living room floor while Charlie watched a baseball game on the flat screen.
Then I'd gone upstairs to turn my ancient computer on, looking for anything to keep me occupied. There had been an e-mail from Renée, my childish mother, who now lived in Jacksonville with her new husband Phil.
I had answered it, commenting on everything she had had to say and written about what happened around here. About my friends, school and so on. When I'd done that I took a shower and put my pajamas on.
After that, I ran out of things to keep myself occupied. So I had nothing left to do but worry. I had sat down on a chair next to the kitchen table and started staring at the clock. It was moving at tauntingly low speed. At one point I even wondered if it was moving backwards.
But apparently not, because it now showed: 11.04 p.m.
Why isn't he back yet? I thought to myself. He said he would be back by ten, what if something happened? What if he wasn't coming back? In my mind I saw him fighting Victoria and losing. I started to panic. I could hear Charlie's muffled snores coming from upstairs but this did not soothe me and I had to put my head between my knees to keep from losing consciousness.
When I was sitting there- hyperventilating- I heard the sound I'd been waiting for. A door opened and closed very quietly. I looked up to see him standing there in the hallway. The relief I felt was beyond words. There was no light in the hall but with the glow from the kitchen lamp I could see him looking up the stairs in the general direction of my room.
"Bella?" his voice was low and cautious, probably trying not to wake Charlie up.
I flew up and threw myself into him. I put my arms around him and hugged him as hard as I could. He chuckled surprised and said.
"Miss me?" His voice was playful, as he hugged me tightly.
"Only a lot" I said and hugged him even harder. I could stand like this forever I thought to myself, right now nothing else mattered. Even though I was being chased by a revengeful
Vampire who's only goal was killing me, in this moment I felt utterly safe.
He pulled himself away a little and took my face in one of his hands, the other still wrapped around me, and looked into my eyes.
"I missed you too" he said serious, and then his lips came down on mine hard and without caution. My heart started racing and I swear it was trying to jump out of my chest.
I don't know how long we stood there, but eventually he broke the kiss and put his chin on my head. We stood there embracing in the middle of the hallway a while.
I was afraid to ask the question I really wanted to know. I stood there deliberating; when he said the words that both upset me and made me sigh in relief.
"We didn't get her" his voice was low and hard.
It hadn't come to a confrontation. He and his brothers were safe, but I wasn't. Victoria was still out there, hunting.
It was such a strange thing, on one end really wanting Victoria dead and on the other wanting to keep him as far away from her as possible.
"Good" I said.
He groaned in disapproval, we'd had this fight many times. "No Bella, not good. How many times do I have to tell you? She's no match for us. Next time we will get her."
I shivered at the thought of him fighting her. "I'm still worried. Every time you go to hunt her. What if you get separated from the others? What if she kills you? Then it's all my fault."
He hugged me closer. "Bella you shouldn't worry about anyone but yourself right now. You're who we're afraid of losing."
I put my ear against his chest and listened to his slow heartbeat. "Okay." I said and yawned. I still didn't like the idea of him out hunting her, but I suddenly felt very tired and didn't want to argue.
He noticed my weariness and said. "Look at you. You're dead on your feet, let's get you to bed."
"Having a revengeful vampire after you is kind of tiring." I answered in a low voice. I was starting to feel very sleepy. He chuckled, and then he walked with me up the stairs with one arm still around me. We went and lay down on the bed next to each other.
Suddenly something occurred to me, he had come later than he'd said he would.
"What happened?" I asked, more alert now, but not really sure if I wanted to know.
"We found a fresh trail and started to follow her. We had almost caught up with her when she took off into the water. We decided not to push are luck and try to follow her, incase she'd turn back and come here." He said in a serious tone.
I shivered at his words. He noticed and said. "It's alright Bella, I won't let her get to you. Victoria is no match for us. We will get her, and soon. Then this'll all be over." He voice was very determined.
I wasn't as sure about that outcome as he was, and his confidence didn't provide any comfort, but now that my question was answered I felt myself slipping towards unconsciousness again. I was so tired, and it was a school night.
He noticed and said, "You look really tired"
"Mhm..." I was already drifting.
"You look tired too." I noticed.
"I should really go home and try to get some sleep" he said.
I was half asleep already, but I forced my eyelids to open, looked at him and said.
"Thank you"
"For what?" he asked puzzled.
"For existing. If it weren't for you I'd be dead now, or at least in a zombielike state"
We both flinched when I said that last part. I know he could remember it too, all too clearly.
What I'd been like when Edward had left. Edward. I could even think his name now. It was not completely without pain of course, but I had accepted that it would never stop hurting. The fact that Jacob was here also helped, he was like morphine. Jacob worked like a painkiller for the constant ache in my chest.
It was almost eight months since Edward had left. The hole was there, hurting, but I felt now, that I could survive it. And now that I had Jacob, I had found something to live for. Actually live and not just stay alive.
I remember the last time I'd talked to Edward. It was just a few days after my ill-fated birthday party. I'd gotten a paper cut and Jasper, Edward's brother, had tried to kill me. A couple of days after that, Edward had stood in the woods behind Charlie's house and told me that he and his family were leaving and that he didn't want me to come, that he didn't love me anymore.
Even now the memory made the hole in my chest throb and ache. And even though Jacob was here, I had to wrap my arms around my torso to keep from breaking into pieces. I quickly moved on to a better memory, a happy one.
The first time I´d kissed Jacob, it was almost two months ago now. We were in my kitchen; it was the same day Harry Clearwater had died.
I remember that day, Jacob and I were supposed to go cliff-diving but they'd found a fresh trail from Victoria, so he had to go help the others.
So instead I'd spent my day on the cold beach down in La push, worrying about Jacob and his so called brothers, who really were a pack of teenage werewolves.
As it had turned out, the vampires weren't the only La push legends that were true. The stories of the wolf that turn into men were also true. And Jacob and his 'brothers' were exactly that. Sam, Jacob, Paul, Embry, Quil and Jared were all part of the pack. I'd spent so much time with them the last few months they that felt like family to me now.
That day Harry had died and Jacob had been close to getting Victoria. But they hadn't gotten her and he'd come back to drive me home.
When we'd come inside he'd leaned down to kiss me.
Then I had been completely undecided. Of course I'd loved him, he'd been my best friend for so long, the person I could talk to about anything, but I hadn't been in love with him.
When he'd kissed me all that had changed, I'd changed. And I'd realized that I was in love with him in a very real way. Never nearly as much as I'd loved and still loved Edward. But it didn't matter.
I like to think that even though he had left, and even though he didn't love me anymore, that Edward would want me to be happy. That it was okay for me to give what was left of me to Jacob and that I would love him as much as I could, even if it wasn't near the amount of love I was capable of.
And it had turned out really well; Jacob and I were truly happy, or as happy as I could ever be. And though both he and I knew that I would probably never stop loving Edward, it didn't matter, because we had each other. I knew him inside out and he knew me even better. Being with Jacob and his ´family' was so different from being with Edward, easier and more comfortable, like breathing. I could really be myself with him.
But I would never love him the way I loved Edward. Never that yearning, that need. To love someone almost to the point of pain, I knew I'd never have that with Jacob. But I did need him, probably more then he knew. He was the one that had come to my rescue, and picked up the pieces Edward had left behind. Jacob had put me back together again. But I wasn't fixed, I was still broken. Jacob had just glued the pieces together. If Jacob left I would probably fall apart again.
Jacob had lay silence during my reasoning. He was probably remembering himself.
But now he got up and stood by the bed facing me.
"I really should get home. Good night Bella"
"Alright, I´ll see you soon."
He bent down to kiss my forehead. I was surprised at how long he had to bend. Would he ever stop growing, he was a monster now. He turned to the window.
"Well good night then" I said and curled up on my side the way I usually slept.
"Bella" he said amused.
"What?" I said a little dazed. I was really tired now and I wanted to sleep.
"I love you" he said.
I smiled to myself and said, "Love you too Jake" then he opened my window and he was gone.
Not seconds later I fell asleep. But it was not the deep, dreamless sleep I was craving.
