me: America say the disclaimer.
America: SHE OWNS NOTHING
me: good boy *throws cheeseburger and shake*
How to change your oil Hungary and Prussia style
Hungary:
Pull up to Germany's house when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last change.
Polish frying pan
Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money Spent:
Oil Change: $30.00
Frying Pan Polish: $5.00
Total: $35.00
Prussia
Go to the auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for Oil, Filter, Kitty Litter, Hand Cleaner, and a Scented Canary.
Discover used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to the shop to recycle dump in hole in backyard.
Open a (GERMAN) beer and drink it.
Jack up car. Spend thirty minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under Italy's pedal car.
In frustration open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box and wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in a pan of hot oil. Get hot oil on you in the process.
Clean up mess.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Look for oil filter wrench.
Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off
Beer.
Francis and Antonio show up finish case of beer with them. Finish oil change tomorrow.
Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath the car.
Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
Beer? No, drank it all with Francis and Antonio yesterday.
Walk to 7-11 buy beer.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Dump the first quart of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11.
Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Realize drain plug got dumped in the hole in the backyard, with the used oil.
Drink beer.
Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
Discover that the first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Drink beer.
Tighten drain plug, slip on oil and bang knuckles on the frame.
Bang head on floor board in reaction to step 31.
Begin cussing fit. (in german of course xD)
Throw wrench.
Cuss for additional ten minutes because wrench Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
Beer.
Clean off hands and forehead. Bandages required stopping blood flow.
Beer.
Beer.
Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands.
Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
Beer.
Go joy riding with France and Spain.
Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
Car gets impounded.
Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
Parts: $50.00
Beer: $25.00
Replace Jacks: $75.00 (they had to have the Prussian Flag on them)
Bail: $1,000
Towing and Impound: $200
Total $1,350
The look on Hungary's faceā¦..
Priceless
