Disclaimer: We do not own the Fate series. If we did, this one would have had Gilgamesh castrated half-way through Fate/Zero.

Disregard previous statement; my co-writer is a Gilgamesh hater.

No shit.

Also yes, I'm collaborating on this fic with a friend(s). Because I cannot handle this madness alone.

Chapter 0-1: The Hell Did I just Summon?


/Basement of a Farmhouse, 9:12 p.m. (Sunday, Week 1)

"Eiji! Eiji, can you hear me?!"

"Yes mom, I can hear you just fine. Congrats on getting the video phone to work."

"Oh, so you're mouthing off now that you're not at home. Feeling brave just because I'm not in the same room as you?"

Sweatdropping in fear, the boy quickly changed his toned from annoyed to cautiously respectful.

"No no no, I just meant it's great that you managed to get the phone working without me or dad walking you through it."

"What makes you think I can't operate a simple phone?!"

Eiji thought back to the time his mother zapped their Blu-ray player to cinder because she didn't know how to record his favorite Tokusatsu show while he was away at school, but decided it would be best to bite back his tongue and keep that memory to himself.

"Well you know, you're always going on about how the normal people keep making technology more and more complicated, so I just thought-"

"It's not more complicated, what are you trying to say… they just keeping adding unnecessary features and moving the menu options around so as to seem 'new' and innovative, and all those other foolish words those sweater-necked idiots spout."

"Mom…"

"Oh I'm just teasing, Eiji. Now, more importantly: did you get all the ingredients that I listed for you?"

"Well I had to go to Akihabara to get what I wanted, but yeah. They had a prop from the season I watched as a kid, and I got this cool bike two days ago. Had to take out to engine to lie it in the circle, but I should be able to reattach is once the summoning is complete. Strange thing, some otaku handed me this belt from some recent series as a gift, from which I could sense a ridiculous amount of prana radiating from it."

"Well okay then, you have your 'relic', as it were, ready. How about some animal's blood?"

"I am not killing an animal to summon a hero. Seems really hypocritical, don't you think?"

The lady on the phone's screen sighed and nursed her brow in her hand, closing her eyes and she tried to find the patience necessary to educate her child.

"You're not killing a child or anyone human, it would just be a chicken or some hares you could easily find around the neighborhood. We chose a house for you near all the things you could possibly need."

"All I need mom is the power and lessons you and dad left me, and then there are the funds for house. Besides, you yourself said silver works just as well as blood."

"It's easier to clean up the blood afterwards."

"I'm doing this in the basement; no one will come down here."

"What if when you throw one of your parties, and a couple comes down here to-"

"Mom! I'm not going that have a party in the middle of a Grail War! That's just asking for people to get hurt."

"You are so like your father. It would be adorable if that didn't mean you were also so thickheaded."

Sighing, Eiji continued to drip the liquid silver onto the sketched rune circle on the floor. The basement he was in was filled with unopened boxes. There was a closet made of white wood propped in a back corner, and upon further inspection one could see that the contents poking out of it seemed to be old blades, as well as some jewelry that seems more appropriate for someone in their early 40's. Eiji had in hand an old looking grimoire, (though a fresh looking grimoire would defeat the purpose of being a magical book full of secrets, now wouldn't it?) and was squinting his eyes at a passage, seemingly having trouble deciphering it. His mother chuckled on her end, apparently knowing exactly what he was struggling with.

"Your father and I wrote you a simple incantation, Eiji. I know you didn't get to finish studying German before you left home, and you're not required to speak one particular language to summon a Servant. Aunty Altria speaks perfect Japanese around Shirou and me, whoever you summon will do just the same."

"Why can't Aunty Artoria be here to help me, though? She's survived two Holy Grail Wars, that's definitely experience I'd like to have at my back in case my Servant ends up being Shin-chan."

"Why would your Servant be a children's anime character?"

"I don't know, why did the Caster you fought get to summon a samurai as an assassin?"

"Just summon your Servant, dear. Mommy can only afford a few more minutes on this blasted machine."

Nodding, Eiji dropped the last contents of liquid silver into place, tossing aside the beaker it was residing in and letting his cloak billow as he started his incantation. Before he could though, his mother chimed in one last time.

"Seriously boy, use the blood of an animal. Look, there's a lizard scurrying over there in the corner. Grab it before it gets away."

Whenever his mother has had to repeat herself, it was best to have it only happen twice. Knowing this all too well, Eiji sighed and relented to her proposal, chasing after the scurrying creature and catching it easily.

Apologizing silently as he held the little animal aloft, Eiji brought out a knife and slit the tiny animal's throat, pouring its blood into the circle. In doing so he accidently nicked the side of hand, and while he winced at the pain he bit back a curse flying out of his mouth, instead finally getting to his summoning chant.

"Let silver, blood and prana guide you to my side!

Fill yourself on my purpose, let my will be your anchor!

You will be my weapon, and I will be your guide!

I shall be your tactician, as you render our foes asunder!

Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!

Rise nine times, and kick aside all distractions!"

The room started to tremble; as Eiji felt the room getting darker, snuffing out all the candles inside. Primal animal cries started to fill the room, as well as visible spirits of reptilian and beast like wraiths soaring across the walls and ceiling. Quite a few turned to look at Eiji, or rather at his bleeding hand, until a bunch of them formed this hydra-like phantom. They arched back, ready to strike at the young man like a choir of cobras. Eiji reached back into his satchel, fingers grasping for his combat gems, when a roar erupted from the summoning circle, and a figure forming there shouted at the phantoms, dismissing them into wisps of smoke?

"…where am…?"

"Who are you?"

"That would be your servant, dear. It doesn't look like he has a sword on him."

The being before Eiji was crouched young man, with a neck covered with black tattoos. Or rather, they seemed like tattoos as first, until they started to recede and the man started to calm down. Eiji noticed he was holding his waist, and upon looking closely he saw that the young man was actually grasping the belt the okatu had given him earlier. As the young man started to stand up, his eyes shone a bright red, and a green mist like aura radiated off of him.

"Master…are you…my master?"

Eiji saw that the Servant he had summoned seemed a bit confused, and Eiji started to worry that he'd messed up.

"Um yes, that would be me. Do you remember who you are?"

"…Haru…ka."

"Haruka, is it? Okay then. My name is Eiji. Tohsaka Eiji. I'm a mage, and if you'll have me, I'll be your Master in this sixth Holy Grail War."

"Grail…war? What do I…have to do?"

"Oh Eiji…"

"Not now mom!"

Eiji's mother, for those of you who haven't guessed it by now, is Tohsaka Rin, and she was trying to hide her laughter at the result of her son's summoning.

"Eiji, you have that look you get when you don't know if you've screwed up, which usually follows with you running off to your room and berating yourself for an hour over a single, minor mistake."

"My servant is addled, how am I supposed to feel about this?!"

Rin just smiled calmly and continued to explain.

"Son, relax and observe your situation. Your Servant's either just drained from the summoning, which will wear off within a day, or suffering from at least a level D Mad Enchantment effect."

"Mad Enchantment? But that would mean…"

"Berserker."

Rin smiled as the Servant spoke in her stead, glad that it was at least capable of understanding that much.

"Yes, as your servant's said, you've summoned a Berserker, Eiji. A rather calm looking one at that. Maybe this will be a good thing."

The frustrated boy swung around so as to face his mother, the look on his face showing that he was anything but reassured by her observation.

"A good thing? This guy's going to be constantly draining my mana, and that's not even getting into the fact that whatever skills this guy's got, he won't be able to really use them now."

"I can fight."

Eiji turned away from the perched phone to view his Servant, who was putting on the cosplay belt, only now it seemed better detailed and the eyes glowed. In fact, the belt was almost organic looking in nature now, and as it locked on around Haruka's waist, it seemed to bond with his flesh. Eiji reached into his cloak's pocket, his hands gripping some green gems as he steadied himself.

Great, the first thing my Servant does upon me summoning him is try to attack me. I'd have settled for a Caster or Assassin, but why'd my Servant have to go and be a Berserker?

Haruka's eyes shifted at the sight of something, calling Eiji's attention to the window he was looking at. There were shadows shifting about outside, and briefly the young Tohsaka caught sight of someone's leg running by. Bringing out three green gems, two in his left hand and one in his right, he moved to throw them at the window, but stepped back quickly as he saw a Human-Eating Fairy familiars flying towards his face

"AMAZON!"

Taking the left grip of his belt and throttling it like a motorcycle's hand grip, Haruka leapt forward as his body burst with a green-fiery like aura, knocking aside Eiji and blowing back the fairies. Eiji looked up to see a green, reptilian armored man in the place Haruka was, gripping and crushing a bunch of fairies in his claws. The appearance Haruka had resembled an old Tokusatsu character, but with some modern updates and lacking the scarf signature to the early era. Haruka looked back at him, and though Eiji couldn't quite see his face through his new…mask, he felt no malice coming off of his Servant. Towards him, anyway.

"Wait a second, you're a….no way. You're a-"

"Stay here!"

Jumping out of the basement's window, Haruka charged outside like some sort of werewolf. Not being one to follow commands well, Eiji got up and rushed outside, taking the normal way out through the stairs and living room door.

When he reached the yard, Haruka was thrashing at some chimeric monstrosity. The top half resembled a large wasp, with four humanoid armored arms and stingers located on the upper set of arms' wrists. The bottom half was that of a human, literally wearing a pair of jeans, and in one case a flowery skirt. There were 3 of these chimera's in total, and they were all emitting the Human-Eating Fairies from some hive like growth on their backs.

None of this seemed to be concerning Berserker.

He was focusing one of the (possibly) male Wasp-men, slashing at it with the blades on his forearms, and kneeing it when it tried to retaliate and charge him. It's male friend tried to come at him from the side, but Berserker just jumped and rolled over his back, stabbing into the hive growth with his fist. He then violently pulled out, having taken hold of the creatures spine and breaking it as he 'freed' it from the chimera's body. The female and remaining male chimeras tried to double team him now, but he viscously parried their jabs and slashed back, before grabbing the male chimera's stinger arm and stabbing his remaining companion with it.

"Jesus, my Servant is brutal!"

With one more target remaining, Berserker kicked the Wasp-man back, who got right back up and tried to leap at him. In answer, Berserker throttled his belt's left grip again, the belt this time crying out as he did so.

"VIOLENT PUNISH!"

Jumping to meet the creature in mid-air, Berserker slashed the Wasp-man across his chest with his forearm's blades, the force this time being so strong that the trees off across the field started to creak as the strike landed. As the two creatures touched down on the ground again, the Wasp-man turned around, seemingly unharmed. However, it lurched in pain, before his top half collapsed backwards separately. His legs fell down on their knees, and then just tipped over on its right side, spewing yellow blood over the grass.

And the trees that where creaking suddenly had multiple branches crash down, as if cut by the wind gusted from the attack.

Eiji's jaw dropped from the beginning of the fight, and now at its conclusion he was finding it hard to hide his astonishment. Berserker seemed to being calming down, while still looking to be breathing heavily after finishing off his last opponent. Suddenly, he perked his head up, like when a dog has caught whiff of some intruder.

Taking ahold of the belt's right grip now, he tugged it out and along with it came a bladed metal whip, which he launched in the direction of the shed nearby. All the while the belt was giving out another cry.

"VIOLENT BREAK!"

A man's voice cried out in pain as the whip snared around his leg. Having found his target, Berserker pulled, just enough to fling the man over to him out of the shed, but not enough to tear his leg off.

Yet.

Coming over to see the person his Servant had caught, Eiji recognized the uniform the man was wearing.

"Great, a Mage Association lackey. So you punks don't like to play fair anymore?"

Managing to appearing tough through the pain, the mage answered the young man.

"Tohsaka! You were warned to stay out of this War! Your family has already wasted two Holy Grail Wars, costing the Association two chances of finding the Root!"

"Pretty sure my family is the one that's been doing the warning. The Grail's corrupted, and no one should be using it until a way to purify it has been found. Which by the way, isn't us endorsing the Battle Royale bullshit these wars having been promoting for years."

"I can understand your idiot of a father having no respect for our ways, but your mother was raised a proper mage. Does that Tohsaka whore have no class whats-"

Eiji was more than prepared to shove a Gravity Gem down the man's throat, and watch him turn inside out for talking about his mother that way, but his Servant moved before him. Grabbing the man's face, Berserker squeezed ever so slightly, causing his fingers to indent the man's skull. To both of the mages' surprise, Berserker spoke in a complete sentence.

"Do not speak of his mother that way! You don't have enough of a spine to survive that!"

Running his fingers down the man's face, cuts followed, including over the mage's eyes. Blinded now, the man fell back and grabbed his face, shrieking in agony. Eiji looked over at his Servant, a mixture of awe and annoyance on his face.

"I can defend my own family, you know."

Berserker look over at his master and after a brief pause nodded in acknowledgement. Eiji realized how ungrateful he sounded, and looking away he swung his arm up in an attempt to look like a cool guy, dismissing the incident.

"But thanks. I guess it's more merciful than what I had planned."

Now Berserker tilted his head to the side, confused by his master's shifting attitude. Eiji scratched the back of his head, trying to figure out what do to do next.

"God, everything's moving so quickly. I'm just trying to get over actually summoning a Servant, and even if he's a Berserker he's got his head mostly there. But then these Association idiots have already found one of my hideouts, so I'm…"

He glanced over at Berserker, who was shimmering as his green 'Amazon' form receded.

"Scratch that, we are going to have to find a new place to camp out. I mean mom guessed that those guys weren't going to be too happy about a third modern Tohsaka competing, not after grandpa's flop and mom's own…adventures. And that's not even getting into dad's side of the family."

Haruka glanced over at the still wailing mage, the look on his face like he slowly understood what was going on.

"What about him? Should we really be discussing this in front of an enemy?"

Realizing that he was ranting, Eiji face-palmed in frustration.

"Damn, mom's right. I really do need to pic my moments to reflect better."

Looking over at the mage, Eiji sighed as he walked over to the mage.

"Well, it's not the family way to kill you, but we can't let you go chatting about what you saw here."

Pulling out at paper slip, Eiji made motions in the air as he read off an incantation in some lost tongue. The man's wailing quieted down, as the wounds on his eyes started to repair. However, it was not the healing part of the spell that was silencing him.

Haruka looked inquisitively at Eiji, confused by his seemingly merciful actions towards his enemy.

"Why did you heal him? Not that I don't approve, but would that really keep him from spilling your secrets?"

"Oh not likely; which means it's a good thing that geas is a two-fold spell. It gives something back to the target, at the cost of their memories. For the past 4 hours anyway, so if he got some cute girl's number 3 hours prior to attacking us, not my problem. Plus, I added a bit were he can't raise a hand or spell against me, for at least a week anyway."

Hearing this, Haruka seemed to smile a little. Eiji was a bit put off by this.

What, after all that carnage he's responsible for, my Berserker is concerned with his opponents? Well, better than him being an angry version of me from the future, trying to snuff me out. Can't say I'm against a Servant with situational restraint.

Looking back over at the mage, Haruka pointed at his still wounded leg with his free hand.

"What about his leg? Your spell doesn't seem to patch that up."

"Fuck his leg, I ain't that nice. Come on, we got some packing to do before he regains consciousness."

As they headed back downstairs, it occurred to Eiji that he'd left his mom on the phone this entire time.

"Aw crap…"


Expect the next "Ch.0" entries to come out throughout the week. There are some recognizable families appearing, as you can see, and more unexpected Servants.