Warning: This story is meant to be very sad and dramatic and there IS character death. I'm sorry... I hate it when one of them dies, but it's all for the plot. If you don't like that or hate sad stories I don't suggest it. I hope I don't fail miserably at this story... Anyways, enjoy. This is all in Brittany's POV.

Why would you do this to me? Yeah, I'm talking to you Alvin, or writing actually. My sisters got me this dumb diary. Jeanette told me to write. She said "It'll help you feel better. Just let all of your feelings and innermost thought out. It'll help." She's making sure that I am so I guess I have to. I'm still mad at you thought Alvin. Why did you do it? I don't know. My tears are staining this page as I write. I can't hold them in.

I remember… just yesterday you seemed fine. I woke up this morning to find your side of the bed empty. We've been living together for a while… since my 18th birthday last year I believe. I just shrugged it off; assuming you had gotten up earlier then me… after all it was ten in the morning. I walked out of my bedroom and into the bathroom… to see you, lying on the floor.

At first I couldn't move. I was too shocked to speak. I convinced myself that you'd wake up. I shook you… crying out, "Alvin get up! You're scaring me…. Just get up! Please!" I kept begging for you to open your eyes and wrap your arm around me whispering, "It's alright… I'm okay." But you didn't. Your body was cold, limp and lifeless. Scars laced around your wrists from cutting, I didn't even know you cut. And I lived with you.

Some were faded, others weren't. One was fresh, having dried blood tangled with your fur. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe. I still half expect you to walk in through the door saying it was some kind of sick joke. But here's the truth… your dead. You killed yourself… and I'm just… at a complete loss for words.

I'm writing to you Alvin, even with that fact. I don't know, somehow it helps. You know you're an idiot right? You could have told me you were hurting… I would have helped. I love you Alvin, I know I've said this so many times before but it's true. I didn't tell you that last night… before you died.

I remember yesterday night. You were crying, and I felt useless… I asked you what was wrong, how I could help. You didn't reply at first, just looked at me. You just stared at me with your beautiful hazel eyes that I will never see again. You finally just smiled and shook your head, "It'll be fine Brittany. Just go to bed, I'll meet you in there." Alvin, you didn't come to bed for three more hours.

Why would you do this to me?! You left me Alvin. You promised to be mine and mine forever… I guess forever didn't last as long as I had hoped.

-0-

So it's been a couple of hours since I wrote last. I've finally calmed down… at least while my sisters are here. I'm the oldest; I have to be strong for them. I don't know how long it'll last though. Alvin, you were my boyfriend. I wanted to marry you Alvin! I wanted to have kids. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you…

Remember the day we both admitted we loved each other? It was dark and gloomy, June 23rd I believe. It was raining, I remember that. Then it turned to hailing. I was in your arms, crying hard. I was scared, and even though we teased each other… even though we got on each other's nerves you still held me close, just being in your arms made me feel safe.

You whispered these exact words to me, "I'll never leave you, okay? I'll always be here; I'll always be there to make sure you're alright. I'll watch over you forever… I won't let anything happen to you… I love you." I remember… my heart thumping in my chest as you whispered those sweet words into my ears. I'll never forget them as long as I live. I'll never forget you, no matter how much your memory pains me.

Alvin you did break your promise you know. You did leave me. You left me here to spend the rest of my life without you, and I know the rest of my life won't be as colorful and joyful as when you were with me. Anyways, that day we told each other that we loved each other; I told you I couldn't imagine life with you. I guess now I don't have to. Alvin's its awful! Everything is terrible without you. Where did you go? Why did you leave me here by myself?

Simon, Theodore, Dave, Eleanor and Jeanette have been bawling their eyes out all day too. Simon tried to hide his tears, but Dave told him to just let it out. Alvin, do you know how many people you've hurt? We miss you… so much.

I'm sorry. I've started to cry again. The paramedics came… taking your body away. I screamed and fought them, trying to get you back. They were taking you away from me. No, they can't do that. So I screamed and clawed at them, trying to take you back.

Jeanette and Eleanor had to hold me back, to keep me from dragging you back into my arms and force you to once again open your eyes… to breathe. But no, they had to pry you out of my arms. I hate them… they didn't even let me say goodbye. I guess I can do that at your funeral. Huh, I never thought about that… funerals. I hate them. Their so sad… Today was been so sad. I'll never forget this day, the day you left me for good.

-0-

It's ten p.m. I can't sleep. I miss your warmth Alvin. I miss you cuddling next to me as I rest my head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, feeling your chest rise and fall as you breathe. Maybe I'll be able to sleep again soon… but I can tell that for the next few nights that'll be near impossible. I miss the sound of your voice singing me to sleep.

Alvin please come back. I'm waiting for you to return. Please, let me see you just one last time. Just for me Alvin?

To be continued...