A Pirates Log 1

The mind is a miraculous thing if you think about it. It harnesses electrical surges to help your body move, your heart to beat, your lungs to breathe, your blood to pump, your ears to hear, your eyes to see and so on. However not only does it do that it can think. Now that may be taken as a given but have you ever truly thought about it? Have you ever truly thought about what it means for a machine, yes your mind is a machine organic as it is, to be capable of independent thought, to be capable of independent care. Nowhere else has there ever existed such a machine and best of all it even looks after it's self, it adapts to almost every situation and looks after it's self in the way that it see's fit.

Yes the mind is truly a miraculous thing.

But it is not completely infallible, the mind is capable of emotions, it can suffer the effects of stress, it is susceptible to damage. This wondrous machine is so very fragile, a million systems all working together for an end goal none are aware of and yet one teensy, tiny change and everything is thrown off course. Never to be prepared.

You could be struck by lightning, hit on the head, poisoned or you could even be the subject of an amateurs attempt at hypnotism.

You haven't picked it up yet have you? You haven't guessed exactly what is going on? Well just stay right there and maybe, just maybe you will learn a few things as this story of mine unfolds.

...

...

...

There was a loud incessant banging on the door, "Captain wake up!"

With a loud groan I pulled myself off of the floor, looking around at my cabin, "why the hell did I sleep on the floor," I moaned, rubbing my aching back and stretching to get all the kinks out.

Giving a yawn I pushed open the door, slaming it into the minion's face without a care. "You idiot. Only the sun can wake me up and live to tell about it," I grumbl.. wait why does that sound familiar?

Why does everything feel so fuzzy today? There's the minions looking at me expecting something, probably for me to tell them to get back to work. Ah Shit it's a work day isn't it? Fuck that, no way am I gonna work today, time to call in sick, where's the Transponder?

I pick a random minion, "hey you? Where's the Transponder Snail?" Seriously, I feel like i'm forgetting something here? As if there is something really obvious that I'm missing, something plain as day? Eh who cares.

Hey look a Transponder Snail, damn they are really ugly aren't they? I take it with a grmace, it's just so slimy, and make my way to the kitchen. At least the minions have prepared breakfast, fish, fish and more fish... "You there, cook, what is this?" I all but growl out.

"Er, it's breakfast captain," he replies, nervously.

I look at the idiot, look at the fish, look at the idiot and back to the fish. Seriously why do I allow these complete and utter morons on to my crew?

I took one calming breath and another, centering myself slightly before responding. "Don't you realize that I hate fish, cook! Get me something else to eat now you idiot!" I roared, thumping the table to empathize my point.

"B-but C-captain! Y-you always a-ask for f-fish omelettes f-for breakfast!" the idiotic cook stammers out. And now he's lying to me too!

I just lower my glasses and raise the brim of my hat so he can experience the full weight of my glare. Wait why was I sleeping with glasses and a hat on? I don't even own either of those? Hey look the cook is preparing something else, it's so hard to get good help these days.

Well time to call in sick for work, what excuse should I use today? Death in the family? Nah. Salmonella? Nah had that last month. Period pains? Would be worrying if they believed it. Just general vomiting it is.

"Such a boring excuse," I sighed to myself before setting the Transponder Snail in front of me and inputting the number for work.

Huh, they changed the waiting music, it's about time. And there is the standard message about extensions and what not, who cares? I put in the correct extension number and got transferred.

A female voice came out the other end of the Transponder Snail. "Hina Speaking."

Huh, didn't recognize the name. "God damn, i'm an idiot," I muttered weakly.

"Hina is confused, why are you an idiot?" Talking about herself in the third person, seriously? I mean it's kinda cute but not really professional. I shook my head, not important.

"Sorry wrong extension number," I hung up and tried again.

"Hina speaking," was the response again.

I sighed, "sorry Hina, wrong number again," I muttered before hanging up.

Third times the charm.

"Hina is starting to get annoyed," the woman from before complained, though the Transponder Snail barely showed any emotion so she couldn't have been too ticked off.

I sighed once again, seriously just how bad is my luck? "Sorry Hina, it's just one of those days. Can you transfer me to Martin Ross? I need to call in sick for my shift today."

Okay now the Transponder Snail looks a little annoyed, "Hina is not some call centre, and even then Hina does not know who this Martin Ross is. Just who is this? Hina does not appreciate prank callers!"

I groaned, seriously, I did not have the patience to deal with this shit. I hung up on the woman right then and there, screw it if work wants to know where I am then they can call me.

I looked at the food on the table, the sightly scared Transponder Snail, the minions waiting around for something. Seriously what was with that feeling? What was I missing? I looked at the Transponder Snail even closer eyeing it up, "what am I missing?" I asked it curiously.

Wait a minute I know this thing from somewhere, I mean sure I use the Transponder Snail every now and then but I know it from somewhere else where do I kn...no way.

I pushed myself away from the Transponder Snail too fast, too hard, falling onto the floor as I did so, but I didn't care.

I needed, I needed something, air, space, whatever I just needed to be away from that snail, it couldn't be real! Gasping for breath as I pulled off my hat, my coat, my shirt, dimly I was aware that I was beginning to hyperventilate as I made my way outside, to see the ocean all around.

"I'm on a ship... why am I on a ship?" I muttered weakly, hands running through my hair. "I know why I'm on a ship, this is my ship but I don't have a ship."

I began to pace, wringing my hands, pulling on my hair, gasping for air, cursing and muttering t myself. "Seriously why am I on a ship? What is going on here? What is the last thing I remember? I can't remember! Why can't I remember?

Without any conscious thought my hand reached out, a familiar yet unfamiliar object in it, this could help me remember I just knew it. Shrieking in terror I flung it away, embedding it in the mast of the ship. "No, no, no, no, no this isn't happening, this isn't happening. Why is this happening? Oh god why is this happening. I think I'm going to be sick."

Not on the ship, just had it cleaned recently, no not on the ship, the bathroom would do.

I ran for the bathroom, shoving minions out of the way, as I tried to hold it in. I flung the door open and reached the sink just in time to void my stomach's meagre contents into it.

It was sort of a relief, you know? I didn't have to think about anything as I stood there vomiting into the sink, but alas all good things must come to an end and eventually I was done.

I slowly turned on the tap, washed my hands, cleaned the sink, gathered some water to give my mouth a little clean. Then once that was all done, I slowly took a long deep breath, gathered all of my pitiful courage and looked up, looked into the mirror.

I took in my appearance, my greyish hair, my heart shaped eyes, the mushroom stalk on my chin.

"Calm down, you need to calm down, you know the mind this is clearly just an accident, a mistake, you can fix this. But what if I can't, what if I can't fix this? Oh god what did I even do to myself?" why was it so hard to breathe? Oh I'm hyperventilating again. "You just destroyed your mind, fractured it, no big deal, you can fix it, piece it together, nothing superglue can't fix." Where was that giggling coming from? It was very distracting, oh it was me. I was giggling. "I'm just having a mental breakdown," I giggled. "Easy to fix, nothing to worry about it's an easy fix."

I just needed to see a shrink is all, a psychiatrist. "But they don't exist here!" I continued to giggle madly, "besides if I showed up at a shrink's office, I'd be locked away in prison, maybe executed hehehe."

There was a knock on the door, how dare someone interrupt, didn't they know I was using the bathroom? "Er Captain are you alright?" a minion asked, looking at me nervously.

"Hehehe Why are you scared hehe. Haven't seen a man have a hehehe, mental breakdown before?" seriously where was that giggling coming from?

The minion began to slowly edge out of the room, what didn't he like me any more? Now that was rude! "Captain, I-I think you need some r-rest!" he stammered. Seriously these guys can't even speak properly, why did I hire them? Oh that's right "I Didn't!" I crowed.

The minion appeared to jump at some noise, such a touchy bunch this lot, probably just needs some sleep. You know what, that's an idea.

Pushing past the minion I made my way to the ship's mast, pulling my ring out of it. "You will get a good nights rest and wake up calm and refreshed," I intoned, waving the ring about.

"One."

Everyone leaned in a bit.

"Two"

Several of the minions face-palmed.

"JANGO!"

Everything went black.

...

...

...

...

...

...

Yeah A self insert with someone waking up as 1 2 Jango with both sets of memories.

Stay and watch his eventual decent into madness, or sanity (that would be a real horror)

and as to why Hina was called. She was the first person I could think of.

When I say Jangoo you will read and review, 1, 2, Jango!