Prologue

Derek Shepard has been looking through the window of his office for some time now, lost in his own thoughts, he's finally sitting in this chair, the chair that he dreamed to be sitting on for so long, for as long as he could remember, all his energy, all his work, was focused on getting to seat on that chair. He came to Seattle to be Chief, and he was finally there, in that office, his office now, looking through that large window, sitting in that black leather chair. He should be happy, he should feel pride, he should feel whole… and complete… he should feel so many things, but he didn't… he wasn't exited, he wasn't proud, he wasn't happy, and his only thought was Miranda's words playing in his head over an over like a broken record; "All of this means nothing, if you're alone" She said to him, when he told her that Meredith was interfering with his plans to become chief… ¡She was right! ¡She was so right! ¡Damn woman! ¡Damn her wisdom! ¡And damn him, for not listening!

It's been seven months since he had taken the position, and seven months also since she disappeared from the face of the earth completely… she didn't say goodbye… she didn't explain… she didn't even told her friends where she was heading… Or what she was going to do… She just left… and with her she took his heart and soul, even if she didn't knew it… even if she didn't believe him when he told her that she was the love of his life… ¡She is the love of his life! And right now he would give everything… to have the opportunity of seeing Meredith Grey again…

He'd tried it all… He'd look everywhere, he flew to Boston, hoping that she'd went back there… but nothing… He even hired a private detective, whom was taking his money… and wasn't giving him much answers… And Derek needed answers… He had so many questions that needed to be answered and the one person who could take that weight from his shoulders was nowhere to be found… Why? Was a continuous word in his head. Why she'd left like that? Why she felt like she couldn'ttalk to him? She was in pain… He knew that… Thatcher broke her… he broke her when he told her that she wasn't wanted… And Ellis broke her before that… Meredith was so broken… And she felt like she didn't deserve anything, like she didn't deserve to be happy. Why? Why his love wasn't enough? Where is she?

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. It was Patricia, once Richard's secretary… now his…

"Dr. Shepard… Dr. Grey is here to see you"

For a moment, his heart flip and his breath stop… at the sound of that name, thinking that it may be her… his friend… his lover… his soul mate… his everything… even if she lost track… even if she's been lost, and can't find her way home… But disappointment came immediately, when he saw Lexy Grey through the window… If there is something to regret… He regrets telling Meredith that he met another woman at Joe's… And he certainly regrets dating Lexy that one time, after Meredith broke up with him… Nothing happened with Lexy but still, Meredith knew that he went on a date with her sister… And that must have broken her even more… ¡Damn him, and his stupidity! He was mad at her at the time… he wasn't thinking clearly, when he asked Lexy out…

"Dr. Shepard…" Patricia interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh yeah… tell her to come in"

Patricia left the room and Lexy came inside the room… She has an empty look, you can tell she's been crying… Derek looked at her.

"I'm so sorry…" The girl said. "I don't know what to say… I think… I think I may not be cut out for this… I just… I thought I was right… I thought it was the right decision… And now… now she's dead… she's dead because of me… And now she will never grow up to be just like her mother, like she wanted… And she will never be able to see the whales swimming in the ocean, like she told me she wanted to… I Killed her…"

"It's ok"

"No it's not… I told her family that she was going to be fine… I told them it was a simple procedure… I promise them…"

"Yeah well… there is a lesson to be learn there… I'm sorry it's a harsh one… but we chose a harsh profession… so we take harsh lessons each day… you made a terrible mistake… Trust me you are not the only one… We've all made mistakes that had lead to the death of someone…. That's just the way it is… but you don't let that mistake haunt you forever… you step up, and you keep going… You don't quit… If you quit now… all you're gonna have is that little girl that died because you made a mistake… But if you stay… you will have a lot others that you've saved because you were right… You do not get to quit now…" The look on Derek's face is determined and compassioned at the same time… He's been there… They all have been there… "I'm going to send you with the psychiatrist, and you can take some time off if you like, but I will not accept your resignation, not until you have time to process all this… Ok?"

"Ok"

The girl turn back to leave the place but she suddenly stopped and without turning back she whispered. "Do you think that's how she felt when my mother died?" Lexy finally turned to face Derek. "Do you think that's why she left?"

Derek's heart shrink at the thought of it… At the thought of how Meredith felt when Susan died… Even if it wasn't Meredith's fault… She assured her father that it was a simple procedure…, which it was… And still, she died… Just when she was opening herself to the idea of letting Thatcher and Susan, to be a part of her life… She was really trying… And even if Meredith never said it… he knew that she felt responsible for it… And of course Thatcher made that clear, openly blaming her for Susan's death.

"Maybe… I don't know"

Lexy doesn't really know why she felt the need to confess this to Derek, maybe she felt like as if telling him was the same as telling Meredith. She didn't had much time to knew her sister, she just met her a few times, before she left… But right know she knew exactly how Meredith felt when Susan died… and she felt like she needed to apologize to her… She needed to justify her father's actions… She needed to fix this… Her mother would wanted her to… Susan wanted to bring Meredith and Thatcher together… and Lexy felt like she should continue what her mother started, but Meredith was long gone… and Derek seem like the closest thing for her to apologize to her sister… So before she knew it, she was confiding in him… "He's drunk all day…" She said. "He seems to be permanently attached to the couch, watching TV, it's almost like he died with her, he loved my mother so much, he didn't mean all those things, he was just broken, he is still broken, and I don't know if he'll ever recover from this" Her voice was trying to hold the pain. "And I…"

Derek couldn't felt but anger. He didn't care about Thatcher Grey nor his pain. So he interrupted the girl before she could finish.

"Dr. Grey… I thing that's all for now… you can go back to your work "

Lexy felt a little disappointment at Derek's reply, she really needed to explain herself, but obviously Derek had his own demons to fight with, so she turn around and left the room leaving Derek with his own pain, with his own thoughts. Thatcher Grey was not the only broken man… Derek was broken too… he didn't need to drink like Thatcher to numb the pain… all he needed to do was to throw himself into his work, like a robot, like some sort of zombie… day and night, everything left for him, was his job… He didn't even remember when was the last time he went home to take a shower and had some sleep in his own bed… there was nothing to go home to, there was no one there…

And once again the question, lingering in Derek Shepard's thoughts… Hoping that she could somehow listen to his prayers… that she could somehow sense his pain… Meredith, where are you? Please come back… come back to me…

A/N So this is my first fic. I really do hope you like it, If you find some grammatical mistakes feel free to correct me. English is not my first language, so I'm considering this as an opportunity to enlarge my vocabulary and practice my
English as in writing in it, instead of speaking which is much more easier. Please review. I will update tomorrow. And by the way I do not own anything, and this is only for entertaining purposes.