Family Ties

A/N: The disclaimer and further authors note will be recorded at the end of the story, as they will both spoil the story. I have written the translation of the 1337 for those who can't read it. This form of 1337 is my own creation and is probably completely wrong, if there is any actual 1337 alphabet or typed grammar.

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"R j00 5Ur3 7H!5 !s 1!6!7?" (Are you sure this is legitimate?) I asked my online contact suspiciously in l337. If this were true, it could change everything I knew about my family.

"cH4. d0n7 45K wH3r3 j0 f0uNd !7 7H0." (Yeah. Don't ask where I found it, though.) He replied dubiously.

"!f !7 !5/7 j0 w!11 pwn j00." (If it isn't, I will destroy you.)

"r1x!7 !5. -4v3 fu/." (Relax, it is. Have fun.)

"7hX," (Thanks.) I said just before signing off. I held in my possession a very, very old photograph taken of a family. The woman in the picture, however, interested me greatly, as did the children circling her feet and the man beside her. Looking more closely at the photograph, I gasped and my eyes widened. My, my, my, this was quite interesting. I put on my favorite playlist on my iPod program and began to research my new quarry.

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After three days, I had most of the answers I needed. I probably would never have all of them, and that was fine with me, because I had answers to the big ones. Now all I had to do was present them to my brother. Ooh. Dinner first. I couldn't remember the last time that I had eaten.

I stumbled into the kitchen and found, not surprisingly, everyone gathered around the table for dinner. They knew better than to disturb me on one of my research binges, so luckily I hadn't been bothered over the past 3 days.

"Look who finally crawled out of her room," Jigen said, eyebrow raised. "What have you been looking up for three days straight?"

"Please tell me it has something to do with the next heist," Lupin begged. I shook my head.

"Nope. It's even more important." I jerked a piece of pizza from the fridge and began to eat it. "Are any of you familiar with any of the Sherlock Holmes literature?"

"That can't be more important than our next heist!" Lupin wailed in protested.

"No," Goemon retorted curtly.

"Some, when I was younger," said Jigen.

"Not a whole lot…" Arsène sighed. I rolled my eyes.

"How could I get involved with men so clueless to good literature? Anyway, Sherlock Holmes, the greatest detective of all times. Cold, detached, analytical. Only had one friend, one man he could trust absolutely, which is, of course, Dr. Watson. He had an addiction to at least two, maybe 3 drugs, but his cocaine addiction was the most pressing, and above all he did not, under any circumstances, trust women. He found that where women were, trouble lies." Jigen snorted.

"Sounds like my kinda guy," he muttered.

"Ah, wait just a minute," I said to him, sliding the photograph onto the table. Arsène took a cursory glance at it.

"Ok, Holmes and some woman and some kids. Couldn't they be the Baker Street Irregulars?" he asked.

"I thought you said you hadn't read a lot of Holmes literature," I shot back. "Look closer at the woman." He glanced over at the photo again, then it caught his attention and his eyes went wide. Instantly, his face was inches from it.

"My God! She looks just like an older version of you!" I nodded.

"Anyone who knows anything about Sherlock Holmes knows that he was presumed dead for three years, supposedly killed by a Professor Moriarty. All of that is complete crap, made up to spare a good man's reputation. In reality, he went to Vienna."

"What's in Vienna?" Goemon asked.

"A Jewish physician, shunned from medicine for his outrageous claims, by the name of Sigmund Freud. Watson believed that Freud's hypno-therapy could break Holmes of his addiction. They even made a really terrible movie out of it that portrayed Holmes as a weak hearted fool, slave to the drug and his own memories and left out vital facts and key people. It's also the reason I don't trust the Oscars; it was nominated for two. I'm surprised Sherlock Holmes the Third didn't sue. Anyway, long story short Mycroft, his brother, and Watson end up tricking him to going to Vienna. He accepts help from Freud, and Freud hypnotizes him to suppress his cravings for cocaine."

"Wait a minute," Jigen interrupted. "Where does Moriarty come in? And what about the woman in the photograph?"

"Be patient, I'm getting to her. And Moriarty was completely fictional." I told them.

"What!" Arsène and Jigen yelped in unison. Goemon blinked in underplayed confusion.

"Professor Moriarty was never a real man; merely an excuse Holmes gave Watson to explain his absence for the next three years. Remember, unless I'm mistaken, Moriarty only showed up in two stories, the one where Holmes died and the one where he comes back.

"Back to my story. Even with Freud's hypno-therapy, withdrawal is never a pleasant experience. Cocaine withdrawal is especially dangerous, too. Freud and Watson both cared for him during his hallucinations, but there was another." I pointed to the woman in the picture.

"Tired of her brother's life of crime, Lealah Lupin the First faked her own death and fled to Vienna, where she was taken as an apprentice to Freud. This was unheard of at the time, you have to understand, and only added to the medical community's dislike of him. Anyway, she cared for him for the most part, unless his hallucinations made him dangerous, and through it all, they caused him to believe that she was an angel."

"Heh. That's one way to hook a man," Jigen scoffed.

"Yes. Well, when he finally snapped out of it, he found her to be the most improper, impetuous, impudent woman he'd ever met. She spoke on the level of men and, god forbid, wore pants on occasion. She was also very knowledgeable. Of course, she intrigued him. They would argue with each other constantly, and it amazed him that she would never take offence to his less-than-kind comments."

"She found him to be rude, abrasive, clinically insane and an absolute ball to talk with. She loved to get him mad about something and watch him get flustered. She also worried over him; I guess because neither of them could forget how Lealah cared for him. Aside from their arguments, he wasn't reverting back to himself. He was left empty and almost broken, wasn't eating, and generally lived off in a world in his own mind. After a few days, one of Freud's other patients was abducted." I pause to take a breath. Jigen and Arsène were practically on the edges of their seats, and Goemon was listening with intense interest. I smiled.

"Oh, are you interested, big brother?"

"Of course! I just learned that I was duped by my aunt and my grandfather's greatest rival!

"Why did she fake her own death?" Goemon asked.

"She probably didn't want gramps to go looking for her. If she was sick of a life of crime, she probably didn't want to go back. Other than that, I don't really know. Back to the story."

"When Freud's patient was abducted, Holmes didn't want to take the case at first. He thought that since they were both Freud's patients, it would be a conflict of interest. Freud managed to pique his interest, though, by asking him how he would go about it if it were his case. Through a long series of events that would make this story lots longer, he was inadvertently mixed up in it and decided that it would be best if he went through with solving the case instead of leaving it to be muddled by others. When they got ready to go, however, Lealah surprised them all by insisting that she go along with them. Of course, Holmes wouldn't allow it. He told her she would only be in the way, and the people they would be meeting would never allow a woman to come with them. Successfully disguising herself as a man (Remember, she had lived with Lupin the First for two decades) impressed him deeply, but he still absolutely refused to accept her company. I'd give my entire anime and video game collection and all of my computer gear to know how she finally got him, but that fact has been lost to time. The point is, he finally caved in." Lupin's eyes grew wide. Her anime collection on its own was quite impressive with over a thousand items, not to mention the numerous more games for all of her video gaming systems.

"Again, I'm skipping most of the actual case. It's very, very interesting, but it has nothing to do with Lealah. It ended up with Holmes fencing with the abducted woman's suitor. The other man got the upper hand, however, and injured Holmes' arm. Of course, he couldn't continue fencing with a busted arm, so it looked like the end for him. Lealah, however, retrieved the gun he had dropped and came to his defense. Watson had been indisposed at the moment, the suitor had knocked him out, and Dr. Freud had his own problems to deal with, namely the suitors associates. After a scuffle, the suitor was able to get the gun away from Lealah and hold her as a hostage against Holmes. Frightened for her safety, he threw down the fencing sword and demanded that the suitor take him instead. Unfortunately, he saw that he had found Holmes' weakness. He laughed in his face and refused to let Lealah go. He told the detective to back up and call Dr. Freud off of his associates, who was doing a good job holding them at bay with a shotgun." I paused again as my stomach rumbled.

"Well!" Arsène asked.

"I need to eat some more before I continue. How about a quick break for questions?" Everybody groaned.

"Here's one: what happened next?" Jigen retorted. I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, do you want my blood sugar to get low? You'd have to get me to a hospital while I was seizing, and it wouldn't be wonderful for keeping a low profile, either." I love making them suffer.

"Fine, hurry up," he grumped. I got two more pieces of pizza and settled back down.

"Ok, Freud with a shotgun. So, he put it down, and the suitor laughed in both of there faces and began to carry Lealah off. I'm guessing Holmes saw red, 'cause he got the gun Freud had dropped and shot the guy. In the leg, mind you, but still. That's pretty severe. Anyway, after he shot him, she managed to brake away, and in a fit of rage, the guy lunged at Holmes and Holmes was forced to kill him."

"Wow…I never thought he killed…" Arsène told me.

"Self-defense and defense of others doesn't count. What else was he supposed to do?"

"Me or you would have been able to just…incapacitate him," Jigen voiced.

"Holmes was a master and sword fighting, not marksmanship. Anyway, if some guy was goin' for one of us to kill, don't you think you would have done more that just 'incapacitate' him?"

"…Yeah, alright…" he allowed.

"Well, Watson finally woke up, but Holmes ran to Lealah first. Finding each other unharmed (well, except Holmes' arm) they all headed back to Dr. Freud's house. A few days later, Dr. Watson left for London alone. Holmes told him that he had found something more "pressing" than his practice in London, but assured him that it was only a short hiatus to aid in his recovery. When Watson asked what to do about their readers, Holmes replied, 'Tell them I was killed! They will never believe you anyway!' And they didn't. The only other time Watson saw him in the 3 years he was presumed dead was to be best man at his wedding to Lealah Lupin. And, that's what happened. Our uncle was the most famous detective of all time, and we never even knew about it." A sip of coke (no pun intended) topped it all off.

"Then, why did no one know of her? If he were married, people would have it would have been news," Goemon asked.

"Think about it," Arsène said. "Holmes was hated by criminals the world over. If anyone had known that he was married, they would have tried to come after her to get to him. Same with the kids."

"Exactly. Lealah and their children stayed in Bath, hidden from his readers and potential killers until Holmes retired and his son took over. And his son is Sherlock Holmes the 3rd, who you made an utter fool of in the little blimp incident," I concluded, leaning back.

"How did you find all this out?" Jigen asked.

"You know, Watson had a wife too. His family was entrusted with the secret of his friend's marriage. Once I told them my name and the existence of the photograph, the thought I deserved to hear the truth about my great-aunt."

"Wow. That's…interesting…" Arsène said.

"What?"

"You honestly didn't do any research on the heist?"

"Our family's more important than some diamond!"

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes.

"I thought it was interesting, Lealah. Heh, you're both smart enough to be related to the smartest man ever. Well, Lealah is, at least," Jigen told us, grinning.

"Hey!" Arsène exclaimed. I shook my head, grinning too. Nothing could really rock any of them. Just another day in the life of the Lupin household. And yet, that day, something changed inside of me. There is no family curse. I would live. That, and I was related to a man I had deeply admired since I was 7 years old and my foster father told me that The Great Mouse Detective Disney movie was based off of a real man. I had that connection. And nothing, could take that impression away from me. And nothing has since.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Lupin the 3rd or Sherlock Holmes.

A/N: When Lealah said they made a movie out of it, it was true. A week ago I watched a truly terrible movie about my favorite crime fighter called The Seven-Per-Cent Solution, based on a book written by a man who was not Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. God, was it bad, but it got me thinking, and I decided to make something good come out of it with this fic. In the movie, Sherlock Holmes is delusional from his addiction, and mistakenly thinks Moriarty is "The Napoleon of Crime". Moriarty was also his math tutor, apparently. There are some elements of the story I haven't spoiled in the fanfic and incase anyone does want to read the book or see the movie, I won't. This include the real kicker in the movie which I thought to be shallow and transparent and I figured it out twenty minutes in. BTW, whoever decide to cast Robert Duvall as Watson should be shot. Anyway, there it is. R&R as always, and I hope you liked it! Lealah out!