What if Chandler never came back to Monica's appartment after London ?

From Chandler and Monica's point of view.

Chapter 1 : Back to New-York rule

* MONICA *

"Bye", Chandler says to me with a cute smile before closing the door. He's right, he's cute. So cute. My God, his smile... I'm melting inside now. Look what he does to me... It's incredible. I didn't think of him that way before... before that night.

Should I go after him ? I don't know. Do I want more ? Yes. So I should go after him. Okay, I'm going to see him and tell him that... Suddenly, I stop walking. What am I gonna tell him ? That I want to be his girlfriend ? No, we agreed that we shouldn't continue this here. Tell him that I have a huge crush on him now ? No, it's better to keep my feelings for myself. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it and maybe it'll pass within a week or two. Then what ? I couldn't dump him, he's my friend. It would be bad.

Man, I feel so bad now. I don't want to be alone, because all I can think is him. I need to talk to someone, to be around someone, and do something that will keep my mind off him. Otherwise I think I'm going to be crazy by the end of the day.

Phoebe left, Rachel is in Greece and Ross still in London. Chandler is just on the other side of the corridor, but I can't go talk to him. Plus, he's with Joey. Well, maybe I can go and check if they need help to unpack ? It wouldn't be weird, we're friends, right ? Yes, I can do that.

But in front of their door, I suddenly don't know what to do. Knock ? Enter casually ? Do I normally knock ? I don't even remember, my mind is totally blank. Actually, no, not totally. I see him. His face. His smile. His body.

All of a sudden, the door opens up and Joey screams in front of me. "My God, you scared me ! What are you doing there ?", Joey says to me, still breathing loudly and looking terrified.

"I, hum... I... I was going to see if... hum... You know how I love to order, so, maybe you want some help with your stuffs, you know, from London, well..."

Joey's face changes and he quickly says : "Oh yeah I didn't unpack a thing yet, you can do it ! Have fun !" He then runs away in the stairs and leaves me alone with my thoughts... that have nothing to do with unpacking.

I don't have many time to think about how I'm going to act in front of Chandler, because he's there, watching me with his cute smile. "So, wanna unpack, huh ?", he asks, seriously. "Joey's suitcase will be like Disneyland to you, nothing is ordered, there are some questionable items and I don't think that he has washed one of his clothes he wore in England !"

I can't help but laughing. "I should go see this mess in his room, then", I suggest uncomfortably. We look at each other in silent. I swear, I can feel the tension. But as always, he cuts it with a smile : "Yeah, call me if you need help... And by help, I mean an extra trash."

Again, I laugh. But I don't respond this time and I go to Joey's room, looking down. I feel so stupid. I can't even talk to him now ? Am I just capable of giggling ridiculously like a 13 years old teenager ? I close the door. If I let it open, I'm gonna hear his jokes, I'm gonna see him passing by, and all I would want to do would be... to kiss him, I admit to myself. My God, what have I gotten into ?

* CHANDLER *

She's in Joey's room. I'm in the living room, sitting on a barcalounger, looking the ceiling. She closed the door. Why ?

Come on man, you know why ! Because she doesn't want to talk to you, that's all. She just want to forget what happened in London and she shows it to you that way. Of course. I'm so stupid.

When I heard Joey yell, and I saw her at the door, looking confused, I thought that she came to see me, to talk to me. How can I be so stupid ? For all I know, maybe she wanted to see Joey and help him. Not me, him.

God, I should have come back to her appartment earlier. I should have told her that... That what ? That I have this huuuuuuuuge crush on her ? No, I know exactly what she would have told me. Like one year ago, when I wanted to be his boyfriend. First she laughed, then she clearly signified me that I was only a friend. A very good friend that she loved very much, yes, but just a friend.

And I'm sure I'm still only that to her. In London, well... As she said to me earlier, she was depressed because it was a wedding, because of her mother, and because of this drunken man. So she wanted comfort, meaningless sex. And I was (lucky to be) there.

But I can't help but wanting so much more. I need her, and not only in a friendly way. When we looked briefly into each other eyes in my living room a few minutes ago, I could feel my heart ache. I wanted to kiss her, hold her, but all I could do was a lame joke. I'm sure she only laughed to be polite.

"Hey, you're not unpacking ?"

Her soft voice sends me back to earth. She looks concerned and kneels down next to me. I want to kiss her, I want to kiss her, I want to kiss her, I want to kiss her, I wan... "What's wrong ?", she asks me, seeming genuinely worried.

"Nothing ! Just... Jetlag," I lie. I'm 100 % sure she knows I lied because she doesn't smile, she doesn't say anything, she doesn't even nod. She keeps looking at me, and I notice a sadness in her eyes.

"You know... It's for the best," she starts. "I mean, I don't wanna lose you as a friend. I love you so much, I don't wanna take the risk to..."

I cut her, I can't stand it anymore : "Of course ! Of course I know that ! Don't worry, I'm okay. I would probably have ended up screwing everything as always anyway, so..."

She sighs, but I don't know if she's relieved or disappointed by what I say. She puts her hands on my legs and continues, still looking me in the eyes : "What I said earlier was the truth : I thank you for this night, it was really special... and you're cute. And I... See.. I... I... Ah... I don't want any sort of awkwardness between us because of what happened."

Oh. I get it now. Yes she was worried, but not because what I could feel for her, or what she could feel for me (like she COULD feel something for me ! Chandler, be realistic, man), she was worried because she doesn't want a different relationship between us, and she probably also fears that the others could notice something.

So I do what she wants me to do, I reassure her : "Like I said : don't worry. There is ABSOLUTELY no problem. Seriously."

And I smile. And she smiles.

We're okay.

Yeah...

I'm in the mood to write, so I plan to continue and add more chapters. Let me know what you think :)