Author Note: Disclaimer: I read the first Twilight book way back in 7th grade and haven't made any extra effort to read back through it so there might be some details that don't exactly match up. Also no, this is not a serious fic; it's crack. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this cursed AU, please review!
"Okay, so right now I need you to get the microscope so we can do this lab. Edward, can you do that while I grab everything else?" Winry asked her lab partner, skimming the instructions on how they were going to conduct their biology experiment. She was determined to get a good grade on it, even if her partner was a complete weirdo.
Edward, the strange boy assigned to doing labs with her, got up and walked over to the microscopes, going in his typical, broody manner. What was with that kid? All he did was stare weirdly at Winry during class and during lunch, and it creeped her out. All he liked to do was stare, but he never actually talked to her, opening his strangely colored eyes instead of his mouth.
Nonetheless, even if she was stuck with the weirdo, Winry was not about to fail biology, so she ignored Edward's burning stare as she got the rest of their supplies, thinking about her grade. Yeah, Edward was creeping her out, but Winry wouldn't get so psyched out over him. If he wanted to continue with all this bullshit, he could, just so long as Winry maintained her A.
When Edward finally sat back down with the microscope, Winry shoved his lab paper under his nose, "Prepare the first half of the slides while I get the second half," She ordered him, "And do it well. I'm not taking a lower grade just because my partner is a slacker."
With that, Winry turned, long blonde hair flowing behind her, and hands on her hips. She felt Edward's gaze on her back, but she barked his name once more and the boy began preparing his half of the microscope slides. She didn't think she'd have too much of a problem dealing with him in the future.
Lunch was always the time at Winry's old school where she would sit down in a quiet corner with her friends, unnoticed by the general populace. Here in Forks, however, in the span of a week, Winry had made numerous friends and was sitting at one of the Central tables, chatting away with Paninya, Sheska, and the others.
Paninya was nice, and Winry was so happy to finally be fitting in at her new high school. Within a few days, Winry had managed to fit right in with their conversations as well as introduce a few new topics of her own. Today's was about her creepy lab partner.
Edward sat across the cafeteria with a group of two other boys and two girls who Winry had met in other classes. Some of them seemed nice enough, if not a bit strange like their friend. Only Edward and the girl named Lan Fan were unnaturally silent, but the rest of their group still only seemed to stick to themselves during times like lunch and afterschool.
"So guys, what is the deal with that table over there?" Winry asked her friends, popping a carrot stick into her mouth.
"Oh, just ignore them, they mostly like being left alone," Sheska answered, sparing a glance at the group as well.
"Yeah but they all have weird eye colors and they don't have any friends outside of their table. Besides, Edward is a fucking weirdo in biology and that Ling kid looks like he should have already graduated," Winry said.
Everyone just shrugged their shoulders as if it were normal.
"Are you sure they're all still even high school age?" Winry raised her brows at Paninya, unbelieving as to how that group of kids could ever have gotten into Forks High in the first place.
"Yeah, they all live with the Mustangs, and they're only a couple of years apart in age," Came Paninya's reply, confusing Winry more.
"Oh come on! That one looks like he has to be at least 25! He can't be a high schooler!" Winry narrowed her eyes at Ling, staring him down from across the room as he scarfed down the unidentifiable, red contents of an unmarked 1 liter bottle.
"Oh that's just Ling," Paninya laughed after a second, "He's fifteen, but I can see why you think he's a bit older, he's almost sixteen!" she laughed, "He and Ed look so similar! They're the same age!"
"He can't be fifteen! Look at him! He's almost 6 feet tall, and ripped! And Edward is a foot shorter and looks nothing like Ling!" Winry had to do everything she could in order to keep from shouting. There was no way in hell those two were anywhere close to the same age! Edward and Alphonse looked alike, and Ling looked a lot like that tiny girl (who was way too young to be in high school anyway), May, as well as the slightly-less-tiny girl, Lan Fan. But Ed and Ling shared exactly zero physical features whatsoever.
"Haha," Paninya just smiled, somehow not phased by Winry's frustrated confusion, "I guess if you talk to them up close, you'll see it better
Looking back down at her carrot sticks, Winry realized her appetite was gone, so she just gave the Elric/Mustang table one last weird look before packing the remains of her lunch back up and heading to class, muttering "What the fuck" under her breath.
Winry hadn't even realized she had fallen asleep until she found herself waking up and having to peel her face from the pages of her calculus textbook. Shit. She'd come into the library to find a quiet place to study, but perhaps the setting had been a bit too quiet.
"Ugh what time is it?" She groaned, then groaned more when she glanced at her phone and realized she had missed half of first period, "Damn it."
Slowly, she sat up straight, then arranged her papers neatly and closed her textbook. There was no point in going to class, seeing as the rest of her classmates were probably halfway through the test she'd been studying for at this point. She'd never finish it by the time the bell rang, so she'd likely need to stay after school in order to take it.
"Ughhhhhhhh," Winry leaned her chair back and threw her head back to look behind her. She almost fell over once she saw her creepy biology lab partner looking at her from the next table over.
Edward jumped at being caught staring at her again, and Winry put all four legs of the chair back on the ground and turned around to look at him, "What the hell do you want?"
"Sorry, I couldn't help but notice you sleeping," He said, golden eyes flitting around the library nervously.
"And how long exactly were you watching me sleep?" Winry glared. The last thing she needed was a creepy stalker who watched her take naps. What was next, him breaking into her bedroom in the middle of the night?
"I only just sat down!" Ed threw his hands up, then murmured something to himself that sounded vaguely like, "Yrr…. Prrrttttyyy…"
"What did you just say to me?" Winry didn't have enough patience to deal with this.
"I said you're uhh…. Uhhhhhhhh….. Kansas City"
Winry turned around, shaking her head. She was going to study somewhere else.
Winry was walking through the school parking lot when she heard Paninya call her name from a few rows over, "Hey Winry! You wanna get some milkshakes after school?"
She stopped walking for a moment to consider her options, before remembering that she promised she'd help her grandmother around the shop later that night. Although… milkshakes shouldn't take too long. Hmmmmm. Pinako could stand to wait a few minutes, Winry finally reasoned, and was about to reply to her friends before she heard a loud honking noise from behind her.
Something smelt of burnt rubber, and Winry barely had time to turn around before she saw a large, gray van careening toward her, out of control and only a few feet from her body. She tried to step back, but due to how close the van was, she knew she could never move away in time.
I guess this is goodbye, thought Winry bitterly, closing her eyes and bracing for impact, I'll miss Granny most of all. It was amazing how drastically her life could change in the span of a few seconds.
A single tear leaked from her eye before she felt something make contact with her and heard the sound of crushing metal. Her heart and lungs were paralyzed, having stopped, but within what felt like hours, they resumed their function. Oh god I'm still alive. How am I still alive? Did my limbs get ripped off? Did I get impaled?
Macabre scenarios of the various injuries she could have sustained flitted through Winry's head, but when she opened her eyes, they were all disproven. Because her shaking body remained unharmed, and in the arms of her weird-ass biology lab partner, Edward Elric.
Her eyes widened, and all at once, her senses returned to normal. She could feel his surprisingly buff arm around her, and his silky, golden hair brushing against her shoulder. She could smell smoke and gasoline and everything associated with heavy machinery breaking. She could hear Paninya screeching and parkour-ing over two rows of parked cars to run to her. She could taste the smoke permeating the air. But most importantly, she could see Edward… and she could see his left fist embedded in the gray van which had almost killed her.
"Are you alright?" Edward spoke as he released his grip on Winry's body, and set her down on the ground. She made a confused noise as he effortlessly pulled his other hand away from the van and shook it out for a second before putting it on his hip. It seemed perfectly fine, and wasn't even bleeding.
"Did you just punch the fucking van out of the way?" Winry practically screamed in his face, deciding not to allot any time for silent shock "Why don't you seem hurt?"
"Uhh no…" Ed said, and before Winry could yell at him again, the driver of the van got out and ran over to where she and Edward were.
"Hey, sorry about that, guys. Are you okay?" He asked, and Winry turned to glare at him.
"You almost ran me over with your fuc-"
"Yeah, we're good," Edward said, and waved the guy off, "Sorry your van hit another car and got dented in the process."
"As long as you guys are safe," The guy said, and Edward nodded at him.
Winry turned back to her lab partner, "What the hell was that?! You just punched a van!"
"No, it hit another car and stopped before it could reach us," Edward shrugged.
"We're at least ten feet away from any other cars!" Winry yelled back, ready to punch something of her own.
"Winryyyyyyyyyy are you okay?" A sudden force pulled her back, and Winry recognized Paninya hugging her.
"Edward just punched that van out of the way!" Winry freed herself and pointed at the blonde boy next to her.
"Uhh no it hit another car and bounced away from you," Ed said again.
"Then explain that fist-shaped dent in the van's side!" Winry moved to point at the dent, which was perfectly fist shaped, and detailed down to every last finger.
"That must be the dent where it hit another car," Paninya exclaimed, and Winry screamed out loud.
Why was she the only normal one in the entire town of Forks, Washington?
Okay, Winry exhaled deeply, calming herself down for what she knew was coming. She knew Edward was some sort of supernatural being, but she had to find out what. And in order to do that, she had carefully concocted the most foolproof way of doing so: Google.
Her fingers danced across the keyboard, and within seconds, her keyword appeared in the search box: VAMPIRE.
Obviously, Winry had read Dracula before, back when she was still in middle school, so she knew the basics. And she needed to find out more.
Edward was pale, he had strange, golden eyes, he seemed to never breathe, and his skin was icy cold. Plus there were those fangs. In all honesty, those fangs were pretty hard to ignore. She didn't know how Paninya remained oblivious.
Either way, Winry hit the enter button, then clicked the first link that popped up: www. vampirewebsite. net. Winry read the description on the home page, then moved her cursor to the top and clicked "How to find a real vampire". Eyes narrowed, she read the first few items on the list (strange eye color, shallow breathing), and thought they matched Edward perfectly. Then, she kept reading and got to some bullshit about auras and energy chakras. Nope.
She moved her cursor back to the Google Chrome search bar and typed "how to find out if someone is a vampire". She clicked a few links, but was only met with descriptions of vampires from movies or television, not the real thing.
This was so dumb. She sighed and closed her laptop. The only way she would find out for sure was if she looked closer at Edward and his weird friends… Great.
"You know what I am. Say it. Out loud!" Winry felt reverberations all throughout the forest of Edward's outburst, and her own heart seized up in her chest oir a moment before she came up with an adequate answer to the mysterious blonde boy staring her down.
"I don't know, maybe like a dwarf or something. Possible a gnome, although you seem to be incapable of growing any facial hair so I'm still iffy on that."
"What th- what the fuck kind of answer is that? Are you calling me small?!" Winry had zero regrets after making that joke because now Ed was going off on one of his little short rants, and was forgetting to be an edgy vampire for five minutes. And he was very creative about his rants too, coming up with a plethora of names Winry could never have even dreamed of calling him.
Finally, he managed to wind down, and once again take notice of his surroundings. Which included a snickering Winry, "Was that a joke? I just revealed that I'm a vampire and you made a joke?!" Now, Ed's mouth hung open, giving Winry a good view of his fangs. How had nobody else at school noticed his fangs; seriously, they were right in plain sight. Figuring out Ed was a vampire wasn't very hard to do at all.
"Yeah I made a joke, you're basically Count Dracula and this is hilarious," Winry snickered.
Ed bared his teeth, "I could kill you anytime I wanted to," He said, though Winry knew the threat was empty. He liked her too much to kill her. That was why she decided to open her mouth and crack another joke at his expense.
"This is what makes me the perfect hunter, the apex predator, what makes me so dangerous," And with that, Edward let his black shirt fall to the ground and moved his foot forward to step into the light. Anticipation stole the breath from Winry's lungs, and the few moments it took for Ed to step out into the light were agony. Would he reveal some monstrous trait of vampires Winry hadn't even found in her thorough Google search of the creatures? Would he burst magnificently into flame as soon as the sunlight kissed his pale skin? She braced herself for something monstrous, knowing that this was what made Ed the ultimate predator, this was what-
Oh was he fucking serious?
That drama queen little shit had no idea what the fuck predator meant, apparently. "Perfect hunter" her ass, this was ridiculous.
After standing in the forest for 10 seconds, just staring at her vampire boyfriend, Winry couldn't help but burst into laughter; more explosive than any flames Edward could have managed to draw forth. Because that little shit was sparkling. Actually sparkling. As if someone had dumped a container or glitter onto his chest. What the fuck?
"Winry, what are you doing?" The pained, brooding expression that was previously on Ed's face vanished, replaced by a confused, slightly angry one, "What's so funny about this? Why is my big, dangerous secret so hilarious?"
"Ed please, you're sparkling," Winry managed to choke out in between screeches. This was just too stupid, "you look like a prepubescent girl who's just discovered how fun body glitter is."
"Hey! I am a vampire! A creature of the night! This sparkling makes me dangerously attractive so I can lure in victims and kill them!" Ed shouted back, hands on his hips. Winry had to sit down on a log or else she would have fallen over from laughing so hard. Dangerously attractive? Was he being serious?
"What are you going to reveal next," She clutched her chest, "That you can shoot rainbows out of your ass?"
Ed seethed with anger, "That's such a ridiculous idea, nowhere near the gravity of the situation here!"
Yes... yes it was... Her vampire boyfriend fucking glittered. Was he completely sure he wasn't a gnome or an elf or something? Rainbows wouldn't be too far off from that.
