Chapter 1: Starting Over

~Chelsea~

"Chelsea, you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up."

"Even a princess, momma?"

"If you put your mind, heart, and soul to it; you can be the princess of the world."

"I want to be just like you when I'm older mommy."

The light flickered, as the sound of the train sped by. I wiped away the steam from the mirror and forced a smile. I haven't exactly been who I've wanted to be lately…. Something was missing in my heart in this loud city... A former self of me swallowed by the noise and pollution. The city that stole your hope, dreams… aspirations. I brushed my damp hair back, avoiding the reflection of my sapphire blue eyes that reminded me too much of my mother. My alarm began to shriek in my room, reminding me where I'm supposed to be going…. "I know, I know I'm coming," I slammed it to silence avoiding the multiple clothes and wrappers on the floor. The apartment was small enough, trash bogging it down didn't necessarily help. Sliding my raddy old converse on, I shut my door and made my way to Julia's room.

A quiet knock, "Julia, it's time to go now."

No answer. Great…. I hate going in her room. I opened it silently… hardly affected by the scene played out on the floor. My best friend since birth, passed out on the floor with her dirt bag boyfriend surrounded by needles, filled with goddess knows what. I knelt down, pity shadowing my face. I gently put her hair behind her ear, her usual glow hidden by the fatigue and crap running through her veins. I picked her up, frightened at how light she was and set her down on my bed. For goddess sake Julia, you're too good for this shit… I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess I thought to myself. I warmed up a cup of coffee and set it on the table as I began to wipe off the dried blood on her arms. She stirred and fluttered her eyes open; she smiled gently at me.

"I'm late aren't I," she sighed, sitting up. She took a sip of the coffee. I rolled my eyes at her. She knew I was pissed about the drugs. Every time she and Eric make up after a fight, they shoot up.

"I don't want him in our apartment Jules. Especially if he has that shit on him. I want him gone."

Julia didn't reply, she just looked at me sadly, and stumbled up. She got in the shower and that was that. She always fucking avoids that topic, it's useless to even mention it anymore. I didn't have time to wait, I had to go. I grabbed my purse and slammed the door shut; a pain in the bottom of my stomach grew every time I left Julia alone in that shit hole with that shit bag. Some friend I turned out to be. Stormy gray clouds hovered above the sky, soon a drizzle of rain began to patter against the sidewalk; I always loved summer storms. I took a deep breath, trying to inhale the smell of the rain as best as I could. The bus pulled up too soon… it took all my energy not to drag my feet up the stairs. I took my usual seat in the back, Green Day blaring from my headphones; for a moment things felt peaceful… almost normal. I pretended I was just a college student heading to school, it sounded a little more glamorous than a girl going to take her shift at a strip club. I prayed that the bus ride would never end, but of course that didn't happen… like always… my prayers were ignored.

The air in the room was dense with smoke and had a familiar smell of booze. The bar and stage had become such a familiar place to me, it was easy to forget how I ended up here in the first place. I sigh, making my way to the locker room with a heavy heart, knowing my shift was approaching.

"3-12-22," I mumbled beneath my chapped lips. The mirror in my locker only magnified my tired eyes and dingy hair. Thank goddess I stocked up on make-up last night. I began to apply the expensive cover up when I heard a distinct giggle, coming from none other than Julia, aka 'Candi.' She looked a lot better than she did an hour ago… she was always good at hiding crap from everyone.

"Damn Chelsea, you look like shit," Julia stated with sympathy in her eyes. I rolled my eyes and handed her the make-up brush. I looked at my childhood friend as she caked on the crap that would cover up my pale skin with a more attractive bronze hue. Julia had always been so beautiful… it's hard not to be envious; her blonde bouncy hair, long tan body, and endowed attributes definitely got her a few extra tips. I looked at her wrists… there was a purple hand mark around them, and I felt anger bubble up into my chest.

Malice dripped from my voice, "He hurt you again didn't he?"

Julia rubbed her arms. "We got into a fight Chelsea…. He didn't mean to."

Before I could reply, she smiled brightly. She turned me to the mirror, and I was surprised at my own reflection. My skin had a healthy tan color and my lips were stained red. I added my signature long black wig and sea green contacts; the green contacts complimented with eye shadow and fake lashes. I smiled somewhat at the fact part of me was hidden… still a mystery.

"You look great Chelsea," Julia muttered sadly. I nodded, and walked out as my name was called out on the speaker, the click of my heels leaving a slight echo behind.

"Up next, Cat!"

The crowd had a few familiar faces, but they all kinda looked the same to me. Their faces had the usual drunken perverted smile, and an undetectable stench. I took a deep breath and focused on the movements of my body and the beat of the music; my legs wrapped around the pole and my small frame slid against the metal. A few whistles occupied the room, and bills began to fill the stage. The next twenty minutes seemed to go on for what felt like forever and soon sweat blanketed my skin. I was close to passing out when the music finally stopped playing, and I collected the wads of cash on the floor. Oh how proud mother would be. My throat started to close up and soon I was overwhelmed with a desire to cry… I had to get out as soon as possible. I looked up and what I saw made my heart stop. A group of men in black suits with amusement and a mysterious mischief in their eyes, watched me intently. I wasn't sure how long they were there, but knowing the same hunger in their smiles I knew they stayed long enough. I did my best not to make eye contact with one in particular…. His fox like features frightened me. I stumbled down off the stage and ran into the locker room. There is no way in hell they found me here! I've never seen them before, it can't be them…

"You're jumping to conclusions Chelsea… they are just customers. No big deal," I muttered trying to reassure myself.

The loudspeaker announced 'Candi' onto the stage, and a roar of applause echoed into the club. I laughed to myself and I downed the rest of whiskey in my flask. The music and burning sensation drowning out my thoughts. I counted my tip as I waited for Julia's shift to end. Four hundred bucks aint too bad… I stuffed it into my locker with a smile. The closer to leaving this shit hole the better. Lexi, a dumb bleach blonde shuffled in. Her fake tan and fake tits couldn't hide how bitchy she was.

"Chelsea, some guys at table five are requesting you," she squeaked.

"My shift is over Lexi. Lay off."

She put her hands on her hips. "You have till 11:30 then your shift ends. I'm not serving another table."

Defeated, I walked out of the locker room… fucking cunt. I swallowed my fear, and approached the menacing men in the booth.

"…I...I'm Cat. I-I'll be your waitress tonight. Our Saturday special is hot wings with a free side of fries. Can I take your order?"

The men laughed and joked, and all looked at the fox-man for an answer. His silver hair and amethyst eyes made the hairs on my arm stand up.

He frowned at me, "I'll have the best whiskey you can find. They'll have a few beers."

I nodded and shuffled off, suddenly self-conscious of my skimpy attire. I shakily grabbed the drinks…. What the hell was making me so frightened of them?! Get a grip… they're just customers. I braved a smile, and sauntered back in with the tray with false confidence. I bent down seductively and handed the fox-man the bill with a wink. His buddies eyed me and whistled, making him growl. "Shut up assholes." Something about the way he said that seemed protective. I bit my lip, making him smile only half way.

He pulled me gently down, and I noticed the various tattoos climbing up his arms. Oh Goddess, he's hot…. And scary looking. "What is a sweet sparrow like you doing in a joint like this," he said coolly, looking me directly in the eyes. I stifled a laugh…. And tried my best not to run away and hide.

"Maybe I'm not a sweet sparrow," I whispered with a smirk. The cute nickname made me feel odd.

He shook his head, and loosened his grip, giving me the chance to make an escape. A chill ran down my spine, a familiar feeling I used to get … before. I just wanted to go home as fast as I could, and drink away tonight. I ran into the locker room, my eyes scanning for Julia. I noticed my hands were shaking. Deep down, I knew it was time to get out of this city. Tonight.

"Chelsea, where the hell were you, it's already midnight!" Julia looked pissed. She hated it here as much as I did. She was still sweaty from her dance.

I grabbed my shit, and stuffed it in my backpack real fast. "Oh shit. I'm sorry. Let's get out of here."

She narrowed her eyes, "Are you ok?"

I dismissed her comment; Julia had a talent to detect when I was lying. She didn't press me for an answer and we drove home in her tiny Honda in silence.

The rain began to shower onto the road, pelting the window with icy drops. I pressed my feverish head on the glass… the chilled surface filled me with relief. The city looked quite peaceful when it rained… it was as if it was washing away all of its sins. After a few moments, we got home. Julia hesitated.

"Eric is probably in there Chelsea…" she rubbed her hands.

"Julia, you know I hate seeing you like this," I sighed. "Why don't you just leave him?"

"I… can't Chelsea. You know I can't"

It was futile to argue with her. Jules had been dating Eric since middle school; she thought she could somehow save him and change his ways. I could only hold her when she cries at this point. She pulled the keys out of the ignition and slammed the car door shut.

"I'll be fine Chelsea, and I'm not done talking to you about earlier. Something happened I know it," she opened the door. I know she was faking a smile. Eric was on the couch, obviously drunk. "Julia….. Please be fucking careful," I muttered. She nodded and I ran up to my room. I tried to ignore Eric's newest temper tantrum.

The night was just so crazy… I just want to get out of here so bad. I washed the caked on make-up off and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt … feeling a bit better. What had just happened wasn't sitting well with me… I tried to suppress those cold amethyst eyes from my train of thoughts. I chugged down a beer, and I had a sudden urge to rummage through my crap. It always made me feel more like myself. I slowly climbed up onto the top of my closet and grabbed a box filled with the memories that will always be burned into the back of my mind. Looking at these photos reminded me of who I was before all this bullshit. A pulled out a folded up picture. It's my mom… my dad and me smiling in the back yard. I remember that day. Dad had just bought me a swing set that I had been begging for since Christmas. Of course mom and I had no idea how he got it… A few words scribbled on the back. "North Carolina, summer 1997." I squeezed it tightly. And I remembered… I dumped out the box and just as I expected, the tiny gold locket was there. It was my last gift from my mother. I put it on, and all of a sudden I remember who the hell I am. I am Chelsea Quinn. And I do not belong here. I walked to my desk, and flung my lap top open and searched 'farms for sale.' I scanned the page and found a run-down place on a remote island. I twinge of hope glimmered in me. I quickly typed up an email and sent it to the owner with a shaky hand. After years of promising myself I could finally leave this place! I'm sick of this bullshit. Now this calls for a celebration. Julia knocked on my door, I opened it with a huge dorky smile on my face.

"Whoa, what happened to the angst-y Chelsea I know?"

I rolled my eyes, "Julia, I found a place. We can leave! If we just put our savings together, we can get by just fine!"

Julia faltered, "I …. I don't know Chelsea. What about Eric?"

"We took him last time, and look where it got you! Come on Jules, you know just as well as I do… he's no good," I huffed, a little aggravated at her lack of enthusiasm.

"Chelsea, I love him," Julia frowned stubbornly. There was no way in hell I was leaving her here.

"Here," I handed her a beer from my stash, "for now let's drink on it." I smiled reassuringly. She finally flashed a grin, and chugged the cold beer.

We talked about what we would grow, what animals we would raise on the farm. For a little while it felt like old times. I missed the old Julia.

"Maybe we could find you a man finally," she laughed slightly buzzed.

I elbowed her, "Oh shut up," I giggled as I opened up another beer. Suddenly, the laughter subsided when Eric barged through the door. His shaggy blonde hair a greasy mess, he looked thinner and paler than usual. He was high, no doubt about it.

"What the fuck are you doing Julia?" His face darkened as he grumbled her name. Julia tried not to look scared.

"I was just talking to Chelsea, baby. Don't worry."

He grabbed her by the wrists that were already swollen with bruises. I winced, standing there quietly.

"I don't want you talking to my girlfriend anymore, you skank," he spat at me. He had some fucking nerve. I clenched my fists in anger as he pulled Julia out and slammed the door.

Screams echoed the tiny apartment and a few deafening smacks make me ball my fists tighter... my knuckles began to turn white. The old Chelsea would just stay quiet, but she's gone. I gulped, and without a second thought I ran down stairs. Eric is holding Julia and hitting her. I am silent for a moment, unsure of my next move. For years I have stayed quiet, letting my only friend get pushed around. Well no more. No fucking more.

"Eric! Let her go!"

He paused for a moment, "Stay out of this Chelsea."

I didn't really think after this. I pulled Julia back, and stood in front of her.

"That's enough Eric. We're leaving."

Eric's eyes filled with hate, but I wasn't backing down this time. "The hell you are. Over my dead body." His breath reeked of cheap whiskey and cigarettes. He picked me up by the collar of my shirt and smirked. Fuck this asshole. I'm not letting him push me around like a rag doll. He really underestimated a pissed off stripper. I kicked him hard in the shin. He dropped me immediately, and held his leg.

"You fucking bitch!"

He ran at me, and I pushed him with all my might, sending him into the coffee table. His head hit the corner, knocking him out cold… Julia and I stood there in shock, and she began to cry.

"What the fuck did you just do Chelsea?!"

"Shut up! Just grab your shit and let's get the fuck out!"

We both run around, and grab whatever we could. Our life savings and clothes dumped into a few suitcases. I grab the car keys and before we know it we are speeding off into the rainy night, leaving our old lives behind. Julia's eyes were swollen and her lip was bleeding. She begins to cry… looking out the passenger window. Nothing needs to be said.

Hours pass, and I continued to focus on the road. Julia had finally calmed down, and even muttered the words to Scar Tissue with me. I looked at her, and shook my head. "You look like hell Jules." She ignored me.

"Where are we going Chelsea," Julia whispered.

"The ferry. We are never going back. We are never going to be those people again." She nodded and closed her eyes. We pulled into a gas station a few moments later. As Julia went to go pay for the gas and grab some snacks, I took the chance to have a smoke. I dragged the smoke in my lungs, and let the taste roll on my tongue, slowly breathing out the gray clouds. The air had an unusual chill to it. I shivered under my thin jacket.

Only a few hours ago, I was dancing in a rundown strip club, unsure of where my life was going; unsure of who I was anymore. Who knew it only took a strange man with amethyst eyes and a necklace to finally take charge and get the fuck out. I rubbed my fingers across the smooth locket around my neck, remembering what my mother told me all those years ago.

"I'll make you proud mom. I promise this time." I looked up at the sky, a tear rolled down my cheek. Julia walked over to me, a few bags in her hands.

"You ready to go, Chels?"

"Hell yeah."