Attention: some of you may realise this story is inspired by a tumblr post. I have tried and tried to find the original creator of the post in order to ask for permission to publish this story, but I could not find them. PLEASE: if you know or are the creator and want me to give you credit, PLEASE email me and I will happily do so. This is not me stealing ideas, this is me taking an idea of which I could not find the creator.
On a less solemn note, this is the first time I've uploaded a story to Fanfiction. Please leave review etc. and be nice! Enjoy!
One
"Guys, I... I think I'm gay." Alfred took a deep breath and stared every one of his friends in the face as he revealed the secret he'd been hoarding for months. It had taken him half a year to figure out who he was, and another for him to gather the courage to come out, and tonight he had finally done it, whether his friends accepted him or not. He felt apprehension rise in his chest whilst he waited for their responses, their faces blank, their bodies motionless as they stared at him from their seats at the bar. He held a trembling pint of beer in his hands and felt the condensation slowly slip against his fingers. Any second now, if he didn't move and place it on the table, it would fall out of his grip -
"Dude! That's fucking awesome!" Gil guffawed, leaping from his seat with gusto. Grinning wildly and laughing loudly so that the whole bar had their eyes on him, he slammed his beer on the counter. He marched over to the American, who was still comically frozen in shock, and slapped him on the back before pulling him into a hug, ignoring the glass Alfred was holding in his hand and sending it crashing to the floor.
"Oh, shit..." Matthias murmured and leapt from his chair, walking over to the two and scooping up the shards with his hands, apologising loudly and hurriedly to the bartender who was giving them the stink-eye. They ignored his irritation and crowded around Alfred, who was slowly regaining his confidence.
"Dude! You got fucking beer on my shoes!" he whined abruptly, sulking at Gil, who sighed and gave Alfred a light shove before pulling him back to the bar. "You'll live." He pointed to the stool next to him. "Sit down, come on."
Alfred perched hesitantly. "So... you're not mad?" He frowned and gave the two a confused look. They scoffed incredulously and gave each other disbelieving looks.
"You're fucking kidding, right? Why the fuck would we be mad?"
Alfred shrugged and casually took a sip from Gilbert's beer. The German protested for a split second before sighing and allowing his grumbles to subside.
"Well, you're both not really... 'gay' gay. So I didn't know if you maybe..."
Matthias scoffed and grinned, leaning forward. "Alfie. Bullshit. Why would we hate you for being gay?"
"You're such an idiot sometimes," Gil chimed in, sliding his beer out of Alfred's hands quickly and gulping the rest down before slamming the glass on the counter and wiping the foam from his mouth. "How could a pan and a bi hate gays? You're such an insecure idiot when it comes to these things." He grinned at his friend and gave him a gentle, chiding shove. "Of course we support you! Oh, but you're gonna have to work on coming out to people. We've known for, like, the best part of three years that you're not straight."
"Yup," Matthias chimed in. Alfred frowned. "How did you know before I even knew?"
"Gaydar," Gil said, dead serious. "We just knew." Matthias nodded like they were secretly spies who had been following him around in suspicion of extreme gayness - okay, Alfred thought to himself, that simile was a little far-fetched, but he had had quite a few beers so it was justified.
He chuckled to himself and the other two joined in, patting him on the back and whispering congratulations to him. Relief filled his mind as he realised he had been accepted.
"So, Alfie!" Gil said testily after a few minutes of comfortable chatter. "Have you gotten yourself a cute boyfriend yet?"
Matthias snickered and Alfred shook his head reluctantly. "No, I don't think I'm ready-"
"Ok, sorry, no. You're too pure to not have a boyfriend," Matthias interrupted fiercely, shaking his head.
"I... I'm not pure!" Alfred bitched, and Matthias rolled his eyes. Gil grinned and reached out his hand.
"Give me your phone, now."
"No!" Alfred retorted defensively, but Matthias reached forward and plucked it casually from his front pocket, opening it with ease. He already knew the password.
"Zero-Seven-Zero-Four? Man, how patriotic can you get?" Gil murmured with a mixture of awe and incredulousness as he watched over Matthias' shoulder. Matthias tutted and nudged him. "Be quiet. I gotta set this up." He typed with ferocity into the phone and Alfred grew curious.
"Guys!" He moaned. "What are you guys doing on my phone?!"
Gil cackled. "Nothing, nothing, we're just setting up a dating profile for you!" He turned back to the phone and pointed with a drooping finger, "ooh, pick that photo. That one. Yeah, he looks totally awesome." He slapped Matthias on the back, grinning at Alfred. "You're gonna love this."
"Guys!" Alfred exclaimed. "Guys, don't, I don't want to-"
"Oh. My. God." Gilbert gasped, clapping two hands to his face and squishing his cheeks together. He shook Matthias' shoulder hurriedly. "Dude. Forget Grindr, do it on fucking Craigslist!"
"Craigslist!" Both Matthias and Alfred exploded at the same time, Matthias guffawing with laughter, Alfred shouting in alarm. "Dude, I swear, if you do that, I'll kick your Danish ass back to Helsinki -"
"Helsinki's in fucking Finland, dumbass," Matthias said casually, "and you ain't stopping me." He started viciously typing anew, Gil peering over his shoulder and letting out short bursts of disbelieving laughter and "dude, are you really gonna put that on there?!" Alfred grew more and more curious, reaching for the phone, but his friends moved it out of his reach every single time, chuckling and giggling like two silly highschool girls with a secret.
"Guys!" He complained. "Come ooonnn!"
"Okay, okay, we're done..." Gil giggled eventually, handing the phone over to Alfred. His eyes widened as he read the advert.
"The hell is this?"
"Read it out, read it out!" His friends urged, and he sighed heavily as he began to read, already dreading his decision.
"'Looking for big beefy Russian hotcake with a twelve pack and a thirteen inch cock'... what the fuck, you guys?!"
"Keep reading!" Matthias and Gilbert wiped tears of laughter from their eyes. Alfred shook his head in disbelief.
"'Must have chest hair and must be taller than six feet. Must be dominate in the bedroom, I'm ready to let my gay American bubblebutt-' okay, whose idea was that part?" His friends roared with laughter, unable to contain themselves. The bartender gave them another filthy look.
"'-bubblebutt ass be pounded into the mattress for at least three hours-' Jesus, who the fuck can last that long?!" He looked up from his phone, his friends red in the face and helpless with laughter.
"'Please bring whips and bondage gear-' okay now you're just overdoing it, since when have I liked bondage-"
"Keep reading!" Gil giggled gleefully, wiping a tear from his eye, Matthias slumped over the desk, shaking silently.
"'Will be compensated with dinner and after sex cuddles with a movie. Reply with pics.' You're fucking joking." Alfred looked up at the two, struggling to maintain a poker face and contain his laughter.
"I'm not!" Gil gasped, slamming the counter and hunching over with laughter. Matthias leaned around him to talk properly to Alfred.
"Admit it, Alfie, that is the best ad anyone's ever seen on Craigslist."
"No way," Alfred said, finally allowing a smile to grace his lips. "You're kidding, right? I'm not putting that on Craigslist."
"Why not?!" His friends whined immediately, slumping back in defeat. "Come on, you've got to get laid somehow!"
"Si - since when was this about getting laid?!" Alfred exclaimed, reddening as he noticed other people in the bar staring at the trio. "You can't be serious!"
"Alfie, it was about you getting laid from the moment you said you were looking for someone to pound your gay American bubblebutt ass into the mattress for three hours," Gil said solemnly, and Alfred pressed his face into his palms in embarrassment. "I'm not putting that up."
"Come ooonnnn," Matthias whined, shaking Alfred's arm gently. "It'll be hilarious!"
"No, it won't!" Alfred was torn between laughing and hiding in despair.
"Come on," Gil said coyly. "I dare you."
"Dare me? Quit acting like a three year old."
"No, really, we dare you," Matthias caught on quickly, grinning at Alfred. "Come on. Be a hero."
"I'm not doing this, you guys..."
"Are you scared of rejection?" Gil teased, and Alfred rolled his eyes, feeling his mind begin to give way. The other people in the pub undeniably had all eyes on their group due to the amount of noise and mess they had been making, and he could hear a few snickers pass between them. Plus, he didn't want to be a pussy...
"F - fine, I'll do it," he snapped, grabbing his phone off the counter and publishing the advert quickly, ignoring the voice in his head telling him this really wasn't a good idea. Matthias and Gilbert watched speechlessly.
"Holy shit, I didn't think he'd actually do it," Matthias said eventually, and Gil nodded silently, a look of awe on his face. "Well, now we know who to thank when you hook up with some sexy Russian guy."
"I - you assholes!" Alfred exclaimed, a furious red blush rushing to his cheeks, but his friends ignored his humiliation and cheered, clapping him on the back, demanding another round for the three of them in order to celebrate Alfred's 'new soon-to-be Russian boyfriend'.
