War was the last thing on my mind when I was growing up. Not that meant I ignorant of it. I was well aware of what was occurring around me. But there was a difference between reading statistics on the screen and watching the red streams flow freely on the window in front of me.
The past few years have brought a lot of change for me. For one thing I had grown up. I was no longer naïve. I had lost that part of me in the mess mankind called battle. More than anything I had lost contact with those that I treasured and held close before all this had torn us apart.
Some of my friends are still within calling distance. All I had to do was get on that damned phone. Kazue, Millie. Some I just needed to reach out and find. Kira. Others I cannot reach no matter how far I stretched out this hand of mine. Tolle. And one that haunts me no matter where I go. Fllay. You.
I wonder if it would be sacrilegious to hate you now that you are gone? Would you forgive me if I excused myself and let your memories go?
It may not mater that much anymore, actually it's more like it never matter that much at all. I guess it wasn't so much a "love triangle" as it was I being the third wheel. But I still feel like a frozen knife stabs me anytime I think about what we could have had had we not been trapped and destroyed by that nightmare. We could have gotten married under the sakura blossoms like you had wanted. You in that pure white dress you imagined. Me in that black tux you admired. I would have been perfect.
Except maybe I would have been dreaming.
If you left me in a nightmare, what would have stopped you from leaving me in a dream? Would you have gone to him? More than the pains of these "what ifs" is the pain of the thought that we could have found happiness together even in the Garden of Eden. But wouldn't that have just been the story of my life?
There really isn't much more to say, is there? At this point. All I can say is that I hope you died without regrets. So here I ask you to wish me luck living without any doubt. As I bury your picture, the only thing I have left of you, I want you to know that you won't be alone. Yet, I need to move on.
Good bye, Fllay. Friend. Companion…(Lover, I whisper to myself). May death treat you better than life.
End
Someone once said that the pen is mightier than the sword. Yet I ask, why can't I bring you back to me, even thought I can re-write history?
